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There was no other way to do this, other than to get straight to the point and let the chips fall where they may. I expect tears and recriminations, I should be so lucky if that’s all I get. “There’s no easy way to say this. I know you’ve been waiting a long time but, I can’t marry you.”
Her look of surprise wasn’t feigned. It was safe to say she hadn’t seen that coming and I couldn’t help but wonder why. Why hadn’t she been the one to call this shit off long ago, when I kept evading and putting it off? Why had she put up with my obvious disinterest?
“I don’t understand. This is something we’ve both known was in our future since we were old enough to walk. I’ve spent the last ten years waiting for you…what’s going on?” There was no real hurt in her voice. She might as well be discussing a missed dinner date.
“You can’t really be that surprised Helen. I never pegged you for a fool. You have to have known. All those times I put off even talking about a wedding. Why do you think that was?” It was becoming very clear to me as the words left my mouth. Didn’t she have any feelings beyond making her mom and mine happy?
When the woman I love told me she was leaving I damn near lost my mind. This woman, who’s supposed to love me, want to spend the rest of her life with me, couldn’t even muster enough emotion to be pissed.
“I thought it had to do with the war and all that silliness. I never thought you wouldn’t keep your word.” The anger was evident in her voice now. Good, I prefer anger to hurt. And I didn’t miss her comment about the war being silliness. Lucia rides my ass for every little detail, which I always refuse to give her.
She still shows a real interest, and can hold her own in a conversation based on what’s reported in the news. Helen acted like I was off playing toy soldiers or some shit. What was that she said about me breaking my word?
“I never gave my word now did I? If I’m guilty of anything it’s of just going along with the plans our mothers have made for us. But not once have I ever asked for your hand in marriage.” I’ll take the rap for a lot of things but not that.
“Is there someone else, is that it?” I played around with the idea of not telling her the truth. I knew that once I did she would blame Lucia and the fault was not hers. But on the other hand, it won’t be long before everyone knew where my affections lie so what was the point in keeping silent now?
“Yes, there is.” Now there was hurt, but I believe it stemmed more from losing something she thought was hers, than from any real feeling of love for me. If Lucia had ever told me there was someone else in her life I would’ve lost my shit. That’s how I know that the woman sitting across from me, bore me no real love.
“Who is she?” The hurt had been replaced by venom, and still I didn’t get the sense that any of it came from a place of love or even jealousy. How had I never seen this in her before? Or maybe I had and had just not cared enough. She had more the look of a spoilt little girl who wasn’t getting her way, than a woman who was losing the man she was in love with.
There was no point in hiding the truth from her. Something else everyone was going to be aware of before long was that Lucia is indeed my woman. The only one I will marry, ever. “It’s Lucia.” She didn’t seem as surprised as I’d expected and once again I realized I hadn’t been as careful as I’d thought.
“You’re fucking her, is that it? Is it so much better fucking the help than someone of your own class?” Whoa, where’s the lady with the finishing school manners? I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear before. But now wasn’t the time to dwell on that shit. I didn’t want her believing that shit she’d just spouted. If she thought that, who knows what others would believe.
“I’ve never touched her.” She snorted in disbelief. Something else I’d never seen or expected from her. She left the teapot and moved over to the bar. What the fuck!
She gave me a look over her shoulder as she mixed a martini.
“You expect me to believe that? Anyone can see the little slut is hot for you. Always following you around like a little lost puppy.” I let her have that one because she was upset and I am the one at fault here for not manning the fuck up before now and putting an end to this farce. But I wasn’t going to allow her or anyone else to besmirch Lucia like that. The truth is she’s worth ten of all of them combined.
