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“I want you; so fucking much I can’t breathe. Let me have you.” I closed my eyes as I waited for her to tell me to get off of her, but the words never came. Instead I felt her hands on my back, comforting me. As if she knew the war being waged inside me.
“I want you too, but…” I covered her lips before she could finish. I knew well what she was going to say. I’ve been saying it to myself on a daily base. Hearing her say that she wanted me too, even though I knew it, was like a fire under my skin.
I left her lips and kissed her temple softly. I let my lips make their way along her hairline from her temple and around to the other side. Our hearts beat fast enough I could feel them keeping pace with each other.
I never prayed for anything in my life like I prayed in that moment for an answer. I could never use her; have her living on the outskirts of my life looking in while I lived with another woman. But there was only one way I could have her, and it seemed closed to me.
I nudged her chin until her lips were beneath mine once more and made myself go slow this time. Now that I had just a little control, now that I knew she wasn’t going to turn me away, I could relax and enjoy her, revel in her sweet kisses.
I made love to her lips and she let me, returning my kiss and embrace. My dick was hard enough to chip diamonds and as much as I wanted to yank her shorts off down her legs and fuck into her hard until this raging need subsided, I knew that I wouldn’t. Not now, not here.
I waited for my fiery girl to come to her senses any minute now and tell me off when my cock pressed into the heat between her thighs, but instead she moved under me in the age old rhythm of fucking. I pressed my cock harder into her, letting her take what she wanted from the hard ride behind my zipper.
I groaned into her mouth and felt need rise up inside me, such need, as I’ve never known before. I was in danger of going too far and just saying fuck it and taking her right here and now. I was so close, could already imagine the feel of her wrapped around my cock…
But my ingrained training kicked in and in the end it was I who pulled away. She tried following my lips with hers and I had to calm her with a few more light kisses on her soft lips. I brushed the hair back from her face and waited for her eyes to clear and focus on mine.
“Not like this baby. When I take you the first time it will be in my bed. Come.” I helped her up from the ground and caught her against me when her shaky legs gave out. I closed my eyes and kissed her hair, and the action seemed so intimate, so telling, that it made my heart squeeze painfully.
“Go baby, before I do something I’ll regret.” I let my hands drop from around her and could already feel the loss. She gave me a look that I didn’t quite understand before turning and running through the trees away from me. I stayed back a little while longer until my ardor cooled and my dick was once again under my control.
I went back to the house deep in thought. I didn’t put too much thought into that look she’d given me before she left, my mind was too filled with ways of getting us out of this mess. I knew what I had to do. I think I’d always known. But I had to use my head and not let emotion rule my every move. Everything depended on it.
My first choice would be to make her mine now, today. Just take her down to the courthouse and get the deed done. But that wouldn’t be fair to her and the others who’d be affected by that decision. Plus I want more for her than a rushed marriage as if I were ashamed of her, of us.
When I make her mine she would have the same grand affair as the one I’m sure my mother has been planning in her head since I became of marriageable age. I want the whole world to see that she was my choice. To understand what that meant and respect it or bear the consequences. It was the only way this would work.
I didn’t see her again that day and I was too preoccupied to realize that I hadn’t even had the pleasure of hearing her voice outside or downstairs. Maybe it was because I’d prefer that the next time I saw her I had some good news to share.
