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“I hate you! You made her go away! She was good to me!” he yells into my chest.
I can feel hot pools of tears leaking through my shirt and burning my skin. “Casey, I’m so sorry.”
“No one wants me! Why does everyone leave?” he asks, and I know he’s no longer talking to me.
He’s venting out all the vile, self-hating thoughts he’s been holding inside of him since Tommy died.
After venting about God, and even wondering if there is a God, his words become too choked with sobs for him to continue.
And I keep holding him, knowing he’s finally breaking through all his walls.
“Fuck, Casey,” I say when his sobs lessen enough for him to hear me. “I’m not going to leave you. Never. God himself would have to end the world before I ever leave you by yourself.”
“Bree wasn’t supposed to leave either,” he whispers.
Fuck, I know he grew to care for her, but I fucked up thinking it would be just me who got attached.
I remember something Helen once told Tommy and me about dating single mothers. She told us not to do it unless we were willing to break two hearts.
Fuck, she was right.
I’m a single fucking father with a kid who’s suffering a broken heart.
Pulling away from him, I nudge his chin up so that his red eyes stare back into my own red eyes. “I don’t know why she left, Casey, but it wasn’t because of you. If it was my fault then I fully accept the blame for this, but we will not let this break us. We can’t. There’s too much at stake.”
“I know, Emmett,” he says quietly. “I know it wasn’t us, but I just can’t help how it feels. My head is so messed up, I don’t even know what to do anymore.”
Fuck me. I might finally have the answer to one of his questions.
“I do,” I say.
“What?” he asks as he pulls away from me.
He needs his space, I get that. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep him wrapped up tight so I can keep all the dark shit in life away from him.
“We go get our shoes on,” I say, pointing to his bare feet and then mine.
“And?” he asks incredulously.
I smirk at him. “We get donuts.”
“Yeah, right.” He laughs for the first time in days and I relish in the thought that I made it happen.
“Seriously, we go get donuts. We don’t eat them, but we take them to the gym and put ‘em in Chase’s office. We should be able to get there before Dale does,” I say, and I can tell Casey is starting to see where this is going.
“Can I take like a bite of one? I’d give up my Playstation for like a week if I could get like half of one,” he starts to beg, pulling my leg.
“Maybe, but if you do, you better hide any evidence. We can’t get caught,” I say with another smirk.
I love the smell of a good prank in the morning, and after what we’ve gone through, this one’s going to be so fucking worth it.
I put my fist out to knock knuckles. “We’re family, Casey, and nothing will break us apart. Your dad used to call me his wife sometimes when we were taking care of you, and you know what? He was right. I’m never going to be able to replace the man you lost, but I promise you I will always be in your corner. Father, mother, or whatever you want to call me. We’re here together. Fuck the rest of the world if they don’t get it.”
Casey stares at my hand and I know somewhere in his soul he’s making a choice. I just hope he knows how much he means to me. I don’t care what I have to do from here on out, from now on he’s my top priority.
Slapping my hand to the side, he gives me a tight hug, his arms trying to squeeze the shit out of my ribs. Hugging him right back, I don’t let go for a long time.
We need this and this right here is going to be our salvation.
