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Everything that came from her eyes and lips was nothing but fucking lies. She’s disappeared from my life as fast as she walked into it, and all I’ve got left is a kid who’s falling into the abyss.
Casey’s sleep has been tortured, and I spend more time racing from my room to his because of his night terrors than I do actually sleeping. He’s got demons crawling inside of his body, and there’s nothing I can do but sit beside him as he shakes the whole bed in fear.
One week gone and I can only stare at her location. It’s as if she’s a star in the sky now, there to see but completely unobtainable. I fell for her hard. I can’t even say it wasn’t love. I’d be lying to myself and the universe if I did. But did she love me? Or was I just some passing ship in the night?
She told me she couldn’t do this, that she wasn’t good for me. Was this what she meant? Was this what she knew would happen?
One long week and I haven’t touched a single drop of alcohol. One long fucking week I’ve forced myself through the punishment from Dale and Chase. They hold me accountable for Bree leaving.
It’s all my fault, I can see it in
their eyes.
I see it in every pair I eyes I meet, the look of blame. It’s just one more fuck up to add to my already growing list of failures.
Even Avery doesn’t look at me the same. There’s this look of anticipation in her eyes, like she’s just waiting for me to make my last fuck up. To fuck up Casey so she’ll have to come racing in to save him.
Helen hasn’t made an appearance yet, but I figure it’ll be today or tomorrow that she comes and snatches my kid away from me.
Then I’ll have nothing left in me but this hollow fucking shell.
I shouldn’t call Casey my kid, but he is now. He’s mine as much as he’s Helen’s. Tommy’s gone so he’s stuck with me.
Until I’m forced to give him up too.
Last night, Casey and I finally had out the storm that’s been brewing on the horizon. We went at it like two heated rivals in the ring. He used words even I don’t say around him. There was enough blame in his words that I felt the sting of every single syllable. He’s right, I fucked it up.
I let her leave.
I’ve been here all night on the back porch, been here all night with a bottle of rum. Rum’s been my best friend these last few months, and I can’t figure out how much longer it will be before I follow it down to the bottom.
The sun starts to peek over the horizon.
Fuck it, might as well start now.
I reach for the bottle but it’s no longer there.
With a look of pure rage, Casey turns and throws the bottle as far as he can.
The bottle slams into a tree and explodes in a dazzling shower of amber liquid and shards of glass.
Standing up to face him, I yell, “What the fuck, Casey?!”
“Fuck you, Emmett! You’re going to be just like everyone else!” he screams as he gets right up in my face.
He might be shorter than me, but right now he’s posturing up like he’s about to throw down.
Last night obviously wasn’t the end of this little hurricane.
“How the fuck am I like everyone else?” I yell right back at him.
“You’re just going to fucking leave me like everyone else does! Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, and Bree! You had to run her off! Now she’s gone! Gone! She left me just like you want to do! You think I don’t know what will happen if you drink? Grandma comes and gets me, then I get shoved into another fucking home with some relative I don’t know!” he belts out.
Every name he speaks hits me like a sucker punch to my already barely functioning heart.
Pushing up hard against my chest with his hands, he shoves me when I don’t respond. “You think I’m stupid, don’t you! I know about my mom. A junky who couldn’t stand the idea of having me! Dad was the only one who really wanted me and now he’s gone!”
“Casey…” I say as I grab his hands and yank him close to me so that I can wrap my arms around him.
