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‘You did. Mama, you did. None of this was your fault.’
‘And then you met a man.’
‘He was twenty-three, and he was everything.’ Ana gave her that in the hope that her next words would come more easily. ‘He said his name was Cas and that he’d been attending a political summit in Geneva. He stayed with me for a week. It was a good week. A week out of time and place—I was so captivated by him. And then he left. You know he left.’ She closed her eyes. ‘I found out who he was just before Sophia was born, and then it made sense. What he’d done. Why he went away and never looked back. He’s the Crown Prince of Byzenmaach. Sole heir to the throne and he’s promised elsewhere. His father is dying and he’ll be king within days. I didn’t know that to start with, but I’ve known for a while.’
Silence held sway while her mother digested her words. Her mother was a political animal, first and foremost. Ana didn’t need to say any more.
‘And now he wants Sophia,’ her mother offered at last.
‘Yes.’
‘Oh, baby,’ her mother said, and there was no solution in those words, just a deep well of compassion and unshed tears.
‘So I’m here, in Byzenmaach, trying to find a way forward that doesn’t involve giving her up or me turning into some kind of royal wallpaper without any agency or life of my own.’ That was the sum of it. The end result of all those decisions made long ago. ‘I’m sorry I never told you who he was. I never thought he’d return. I thought it better that no one knew. Safer for everyone.’
‘Oh, Ana.’
‘Don’t make me cry,’ Ana said fiercely. ‘I can’t cry here. I can’t show weakness. They’ll know I’m not enough. That I’ve never been enough.’
‘You have always been enough.’ Her mother had slipped into Russian, a sure sign of emotions fully engaged. ‘I am so proud of you. I have always been proud of you. And if he left you because he couldn’t see your value, that’s his loss. And your advantage.’
‘Mama, what do I do? Can I fight a royal family for Sophia and win?’
Her mother’s silence echoed what she already knew.
‘What do I do?’
Her mother drew a deep breath. ‘So he’s about to marry?’
‘I don’t know. I think so.’
‘What are your feelings for him?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Oh,’ her mother said.
‘What do you mean, “Oh”?’
‘I mean he’s it for you, and always has been.’
‘No!’
Maybe.
‘Okay, maybe feelings are involved and I’m not as immune to him as I’d like to be. He’s…more than he used to be. More of everything.’
‘This is bad,’ her mother said. ‘Anastasia, listen to me. You keep your feelings for him to yourself for now. It’s to his advantage that you still care for him, not yours. Negotiate first. Confess your attraction later. Or never. Never would work.’
‘Got it.’ Ana stifled a snort.
‘Anastasia, your experience with men is—’
‘Limited. I know. But when you’ve had the best why settle for less?’
‘He wasn’t the best. He left you. Remember that? Because I do.’
‘I remember.’
‘You never gave anyone else even half a chance. You threw yourself into your work, and that worked for you and continues to do so. But don’t try and tell me you live for your career. Because I live for mine, and God bless your father for putting up with me in that regard, but you’re not like me. You don’t have that compulsion. You work because that was the plan before he came into your life and you were determined to stick to the plan afterwards. And you have. And I’m proud of all that you’ve achieved. But your work is not your life’s ambition. It’s just ambition.’
‘Mama, I don’t—’
‘You want the fairy tale, Anastasia. An identity of your own, the man you love at your side and children in your life and in your heart. Sophia and more. That’s your life’s ambition. Correct me if I’m wrong.’
