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‘Because I’ve never been as careless as I was with you, neither before nor since. Nor have I ever deceived another the way I did you.’
And wasn’t that adding fuel to an already lit flame. ‘Then why did you do it? To me! What did I ever do to you to deserve that kind of treatment except love you? I don’t understand.’ She’d never understood.
‘I saw something I wanted and took it. I never thought beyond the moment as to whether I could keep it. Never a good idea.’ He stood abruptly and drained his glass. ‘But it’s done now, and it’s time to move forward. Perhaps after you put Sophia to bed you can come and find me. We can try more negotiation, maybe even work our way up to argument.’
‘Will you even be awake? When did you last sleep?’ And why did she care?
‘Centuries ago,’ he offered. ‘You have the advantage. Take it or leave it.’
‘I’ll take it,’ she said.
* * *
Casimir knew he was making a mess of things when it came to his dealings with Ana. Incorporating her and Sophia into his life was never going to be easy—and this was only the beginning. They’d had only the tiniest taste of the security needed to keep them safe, and no encounters whatsoever with the press. Even if he had been willing to let his daughter live in Geneva some of the time—and he wasn’t—fundamental changes would have to be made to the way they lived.
Casimir’s bedroom provided the solitude he so badly needed. Cold meats, cheeses and breads had been laid out on the sideboard. Lor’s doing, most likely, for she well knew his tendency to skip meals when at the palace.
Shower first, eat later. He needed the smell of death gone, never mind that all he had to do was close his eyes in order to conjure a vision of it.
He stripped as he walked towards the bathroom. Stood naked under the stinging spray and finally let the significance of this day enter the guarded chambers of his heart. His father was dead and he still couldn’t summon true grief for him. He tried to think back, and further back again, but couldn’t call up a memory of his father ever letting his royal façade fall. It wasn’t done. Duty to the throne had been everything.
Casimir knew what his father would do with Sophia in this situation. Use her as a panacea for the nation and milk her resemblance to Claudia for all it was worth until a real heir could be produced. What would his father have done with her after that? Shipped her back into obscurity? Married her off in service to Byzenmaach alliances? Either way, his father would never have allowed a daughter close enough to be missed.
His father would certainly never have allowed any wife or mother of that child—or even the child herself—any say in those decisions.
I am not him.
That sentiment right there was his weakness when it came to dealing with Ana and Sophia. Was he to be so bound up in proving himself a more reasonable man than his father that he forgot to voice what he wanted out of this? To raise a daughter who had no doubt whatsoever as to her father’s love for her. That was a primary goal of his.
And there it was again, that insidious comparison to his upbringing. His father’s influence worming its way into every breath.
His father was dead.
And if Casimir felt only a bone-deep relief, so be it.
It wasn’t the hard-hearted indifference his father had tried to instil in him and for that he would be grateful. His father was dead and he had a daughter who lived and breathed and he wanted nothing more than to have her within reach so he could get to know her. He didn’t want to parent her alone. He didn’t want to cut Ana out of her life.
He wanted them both within reach, and when it came to Ana…
When it came to her he’d always wanted more than he could afford.
Why was it that the mere thought of Anastasia Douglas could make even the most exhausted version of himself rise to the occasion?
New memories to replace the old, and now he had one of her waiting for him on the stairs to his fortress and smiling when he looked her way. He had one of her pouring him a drink, all understated care and compassion. Her smile when she’d told him she’d already discovered the sensory pleasures of the bathhouse. He’d not forget that any time soon.
