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‘My father used to say to me, “You need to marry and produce an heir, Casimir, for the sake of the throne”. I used to tell him there was plenty of time for that, and when I turned thirty I would do my duty by him and by Byzenmaach. Until then, I didn’t want to be bound within marriage. I didn’t want to bring children into my world. Because I knew I’d fear for their safety in a way that I’ve never feared for my own.’ He ducked his head and ran a hand through his hair before turning his gaze on them again. ‘For what it’s worth, I was right. Some of my fears for your safety and for hers aren’t even based in reality. They’re just shadows. Intangible. Present only in my head, and I don’t know how to get rid of them.’
‘Maybe I can help,’ she offered quietly.
The look he gave her in return was a shadowy, twisted thing.
‘Even if it’s simply to cut you some slack when it comes to intangible fears based on some of your more formative experiences,’ she said. ‘In return, you might cut me some slack when it comes to my fear of losing Sophia to a glittering, privileged world I cannot access.’
‘Done,’ he muttered. ‘I am no monster to deny a mother access to her child. We’ll work something out.’
‘What are you going to do about a legitimate heir?’ It wasn’t an idle question. Clearly, he needed an heir. That was his reality. ‘I’m assuming Sophia will never inherit?’
‘Correct. Sophia will never rule Byzenmaach. It doesn’t make her any less valuable in my eyes. She’s my daughter and I am more than glad she exists, and I am…grateful…’ he chose the word as if trying it on for size ‘…I am grateful you are here with me today. Both of you. Like this.’
‘You have no other family left.’ She tried to imagine herself all alone in the world, and couldn’t. She too would cling to whatever slim thread presented itself. ‘Better this than nothing.’
‘That’s not it.’ Her gaze met his and held and he was the first to look away. ‘Hell, maybe it is.’ He took a drink. ‘Do you ever think about back then? About what we had?’
‘Yes.’ Pointless denying it.
‘Good thoughts?’
‘Sometimes,’ she offered. ‘We were very good at some things. Sleep wasn’t one of them.’ She watched his lips tilt slightly and knew she wanted more of that and less of the duty-bound monarch who’d entered his fortress and set to making sure his people were comforted.
‘There wasn’t much cooking happening either,’ he rasped.
‘You couldn’t cook. That was blindingly obvious.’ She looked around the huge catering kitchen that was Lor’s domain, for all that the older woman was staying out of it at present. ‘And now I know why.’
‘Never saw the need to learn,’ he admitted. ‘Do you still live on apple Danishes and sunshine?’
‘Sometimes I try.’ Not often. Too many sweets and her curves tended to get out of control. She wondered if he’d clocked the changes in her figure in the same way she’d noticed the increased breadth of his shoulders and the muscles in his thighs. She wondered if he was looking for traces of the laughing girl she’d once been in the same way she was waiting for him to be the person she remembered. The one with the smile she’d never had to work for. The one whose body had been hers for the taking.
He’d had her every which way and then some.
She hadn’t forgotten.
‘Yeah. It’s not hard to look back on that week with a certain amount of fondness.’ Even his wrists, currently half covered by the snowy white cuffs of his shirt, conjured memories of their lovemaking. Of her pinning his arms above his head the better to get at him, and of him letting her. ‘And then you left.’
He said nothing.
Nothing to explain.
‘So. Do you have any other illegitimate offspring I should know about?’ she asked.
‘No.’
‘Are you sure? I mean, you didn’t know about Sophia until now. Maybe there’s more.’
‘There’s not.’
‘How do you know?’ She was goading him now, for no real purpose other than she wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting her.
