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I take a deep breath. I’ve missed her so much, and I would love the chance to see her. Life is way too short, and I need to stop being such a coward and take the risk of seeing people that I’m not exactly ready to face just yet in order to see Mom. She means the world to me, so I’ll risk facing London and Wes again if I have to, although I would prefer to take baby steps and just start out by seeing Mom alone first on this visit.
“Okay, but it’ll be quick, and you’re the only person I want to see,” I tell her.
“Of course, son. Whatever you want.” I don’t have to see her face to know that she’s smiling.
When the plane touches down, I stare out the window at the familiar surroundings that I haven’t seen in so long. We’ve played a couple shows in Knoxville, but I make it a point to not stick around the city long for fear of running into people that I may know. I wasn’t ready to face it—not that I’m ready now, but the need to see Mom helps me overcome the fear a bit.
The captain turns off his seat belt sign, and I stand up from my aisle seat to grab the carry-on bag I brought with me. I only have one bag since I don’t plan on staying long.
After trekking through the terminal to find the rental car desk, I quickly pay for my vehicle and head out down the road. Not much has changed since I’ve been to my hometown, but the city has gotten a few new restaurants.
The clock on the dashboard reads 2:54, and I know Mom is probably still hard at work at the shop, so I cut down Main Street and head in that direction.
Since Dad’s death, Mom has thrown her entire life into this shop. She was always busy before, but since Dad’s not around, the shop provides her sole income. The army provided her with some sort of death benefit money too, but I know she tries not to touch it so she has some kind of retirement.
It eases my mind a bit to know she’s able to focus on something else besides having to face life without Dad around. Music was that for me. It was the only thing other than baseball that I was ever very good at.
The quiet little candy shop’s windows are covered with an array of pictures displaying all the different kinds of treats she can make. I study the windows and think back on how bare they used to be. Seems Mom has livened up the place to draw customers in.
I park the Ford sedan rental and cut the engine. Part of me itches to run inside and throw my arms around Mom and pretend that the last few years never happened, while the rest of me knows there’s no forgetting what’s been done. For so long I lived in a fog of pain and anger. It took me a long time to wake up and realize all the damage I caused by my actions, and by then too much time had gone by. I figure it won’t do any good to apologize now. I’m sure they’ve moved on, and bringing it up again will only reopen old wounds—wounds that I plan on leaving to heal by staying as far away from London and Wes as I can.
I take a deep breath and say a little prayer as I open the door and head out to face my past.
THEN
LONDON
I pick at the frayed string hanging off the corner of my purse as I sit in the lobby of the dean’s office. On the other side of the thick wooden door, Jared sits in a meeting with all the bigwigs of the University of Tennessee, learning the fate of his future at this school. Getting charged with possession was only the beginning of all the crap Jared has to face. Once he went to court, they assigned him three days of community service, which he did without complaint, and gave him a twenty-five-hundred-dollar fine. Julie paid the fine, so the only thing left to do is see what the school is going to do. He was already suspended for the rest of the season, ruining any chance he had to go into the draft like he wanted to this year.
Jared’s had it rough, and all of this has made grieving the loss of his father very difficult for him. He’s been different since the night he found out about Henry’s death—more anxious—which is understandable, because it was also the night his future went into limbo. He’s become angry and bitter and isn’t the same guy I’ve known most of my life, but I’m holding out hope that he’s going to make it through all of this.
Once they tell him where he stands with his scholarship, I pray that he’ll be able to get himself back on track. From everyone we’ve talked to, it doesn’t look like he’ll get in major trouble—maybe the suspension for the rest of this year will be punishment enough. It will only delay his plans for a little while because it will force him to stay another year in college-level ball to prove that he’s still worth picking up as a pro.
A muffled shout from behind the door draws my attention. I’m not 100 percent sure, but it sounded like Jared’s voice.
My right leg bounces of its own accord, and I chew on my thumbnail.
Shit.
Whatever is being said in there doesn’t seem to be going well.
The door flies open and Jared comes tearing out of the room and passes right by me. My head whips toward the room. I notice not one person is attempting to stop him.
My heart races as I shove myself out of the chair and tear out of the building after him. He’s nearly to the parking lot, so I run to catch up with him.
He reaches his truck and hops inside, and I panic that he’s about to leave me behind. I run around to the passenger side and jerk the door open and jump inside just as the V-8 engine roars to life.
“What happened?” I ask, completely out of breath as he throws the truck into drive without even looking at me. I grab the door handle as he rounds the corner and squeals the tires. “Whoa. Shit. Jared, slow down!”
My order doesn’t even faze him. If anything it only makes him press the gas harder and send us shrieking through the city streets well past the legal speed limit.
“Jared, please,” I beg as he passes a car on a double yellow line. “Talk to me.”
His head snaps in my direction, and there’s a crazy-wild look in his eye unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. “Why?” he asks. “Do you need me to tell you myself that they yanked my scholarship away? That they kicked me off the fucking team? You’re smarter than that, London. You already know why I’m so pissed.”
“Can’t we fix it?” There has to be a way we can make things better, or at least figure out a new route for his career path. Jared’s far too great at baseball for some minor team to not give him another chance to try out as a walk-on or something.
“No, Ms. Fix-It, we can’t!” he shouts. “Sometimes people fuck shit up so bad that there’s no undoing what’s been done, so stop trying to be like your father and fix things.”
