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Kristen snorted. “This pain will be payment enough.” When she caught sight of my blank expression, she said, “Fine. What do you want, because I know you don’t like going to the spa.”
I thought for a moment, but nothing came to mind so I just shrugged. “Hundred dollars, and we’ll call it even.”
“That is so not even, you are getting the bad end of this, but deal!” After she was on her table, she pointed at me. “But you are only getting your money if there is a good difference from this.”
“Fine.”
Just then there was a short knock before the door slowly opened and the two women came back in. After they talked to us for a couple minutes, they had us lie back while they finished getting everything ready. And now that I was on a table with my legs spread in front of two strangers, I was regretting this. Why I never actually thought about the whole being-half-naked-in-front-of-strangers thing, I have no clue. My only thought had been that I’d wanted to do this so I wouldn’t be mortified when Eli touched me again. If it weren’t for forcing Kristen into this with me, I would have bailed.
“Oh my God! I’m sorry, I’ll never ask you to do this again!” I screamed a few minutes later.
“Mother fucking son of a bitch, you bastard!”
“Langu—”
“Don’t even think about language-ing me, you— Mother fuck!” Kristen yelled. “I hate you! I hate all of you in this roo— Oh my God!”
I was in so much pain while being completely amused by Kristen’s yelling that I started giggling uncontrollably through my random bursts of cries and screams.
“Are you laughing?” Kristen shrieked. “Are you kidding me? You—ah! Mother Russia!”
The lady waxing me kept tapping the inside of my thigh to get me to stop laughing, but there was no stopping it now. The pain seemed to only fuel it. “Did you just—ow! Oh my God, ow! Did you just say ‘Mother Russia’?”
“Shut up, Pay! I will never forgive yo— Son of a fuck!”
For fifteen minutes I laughed between my shocked cries of pain, and wasn’t sure which one was responsible for the tears rolling down my cheeks; and Kristen continued swearing at everyone while telling me that we would never be friends again after this. When we were done and dressed again, Kristen wouldn’t even look at me; she just kept mumbling that I owed her five spa days after what she’d had to endure.
“It burns,” I complained when we were back in my car.
“I feel like I can’t close my legs.”
I looked over and laughed when I found Kristen slumped down in the seat with her legs spread as far as the car would allow her. “Does yours burn?”
“Yes, Paisley! My vagina fucking burns!” She glared at me and snapped, “Don’t even think about it!”
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward Kristen’s house, but the entire time I wanted to hold my vaj like a little kid who needed to pee. “Maybe it won’t be so bad the next time?” I offered.
“There will not be a next time,” she said, appalled that I would even suggest it. “I will never again go along with any of your insane ideas. This one was the worst of all.”
My mouth curved up, and a short laugh bubbled up my throat. “I still can’t believe you yelled, ‘Mother Russia’ while we were in there.”
“Shut up,” Kristen mumbled, but her tone held a hint of humor. “I don’t even know where that came from.” When I pulled up in front of her house and didn’t turn the car off, she looked at me in confusion. “Aren’t you coming in?”
“I can’t, I really feel like I need to go ice myself. It burns so bad.”
Kristen laughed, but when she started moving out of the car, her laugh died and her face twisted in pain. “Ice sounds good.”
“Let me know what Jason thinks!” I called out before she shut the door.
She turned to look at me, and once again she looked like she was ready to kill me. “You are out of your damn mind if you think I’m letting him anywhere near this tonight,” she said as she pointed at her vaj. “See you on Friday, and I want more Eli details!”
I said my good-byes to her and waited until she was in her house before I put my car back into drive. My amused expression fell into a frown, and I cupped myself as if that would relieve the pain. “Ow,” I mumbled pathetically to myself. “You’re so stupid, Paisley.”
“THIS IS ALMOST too weird for me,” Kristen said two nights later, and I turned my head to look at her. She pointed back and forth between Eli and me. “Like, this will take forever to get used to.”
Eli laughed against my shoulder and placed another kiss there. Pointing at the glass that had just been set on the bar in front of us, he asked, “Did you want to down it? It’ll give me fair warning that you’re pissed.”
I made a face and moved his Guinness aside. “No thanks.”
