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Momma.
I pushed away the impulse when thoughts of her filtered through my hatred for the man before me.
It was all for her. Every deal I’d made with this disgusting man had been for her. And he was dangling her life just out of my reach, baiting me with what he now held in his grasp.
I hate you. Loathe you.
Clenching my teeth, I pulled on the handle and leaned against the door when it popped open. Holding the Holloway boss’s glare, I made myself climb out of the SUV and shut the door in his triumphant face.
“No man,” I whispered to the tinted windows. “No man.”
“You’re a sick son of a bitch, you know that?”
Beck turned around, a look of surprise on his face. But when he saw my anger and the tears threatening to slip down my cheeks, the surprise faded into guilt.
Bastard.
I took my bag and flung it at him. “I hate you.”
I added the fact that he had fast enough reflexes to catch it onto my list of reasons why I hated him.
“I’m sorry. Jess, you kno—”
I cocked back my arm and let my fist fly at his face, but it landed in his palm. He held on tight so I couldn’t take another swing.
Hated him for that too.
“You know I didn’t have a choice,” he said in a low tone.
“That seems to be the phrase of your life, Beck,” I bit out. “You’ve never had a choice. But you sure as hell like to take my choices away.”
“He saw you and had you followed, Jess. And where do you go on your way home every night? Here. To me. What was I supposed to do?” He looked so helpless, that if I hadn’t gone through the last ten years with Beck, I might have felt bad for him.
“What you do is tell him to fuck off!”
“You know that’s not something I can do.”
“I knew. I knew,” I began, my tears making my words thick with emotion. “The second Mickey said they had been upping her dose every day, I knew you had something to do with this, but I still hoped like hell I was wrong.”
His head tilted to the side, his face pinched with anguish. “I didn’t have a—”
“Oh, spare me that bullshit. You had a choice. You had a fucking choice, and you sold me out to him. You told me if I was in trouble you’d be there. I’ve been in trouble, Beck. And you put me there.”
“He’s going to kill Conor,” he hissed. “He’s going to kill my brother. He’s looking for whoever sold him out to the Borellos. He’s looking for Kieran and me. If I didn’t gi
ve Mickey what he asked for, it would’ve been like giving him everything he’s been looking for on a silver platter. And he still would’ve found out about you and your mom. He has ways.”
“But it wouldn’t have been from you. You wouldn’t have been the one to hand my mom over to that disgusting piece of shit so he could hold her over me.” A sharp laugh burst from my lungs. “You always told me you were protecting me. So how the fuck was this protecting me? How?”
“I’ve tried to protect you through everything, and you’ve never been able to see that,” he yelled. “I’ve kept every other dealer in the city away from you for years. I kept them from taking advantage of you.”
A wild laugh spilled from my lips. “If anyone has been protecting the other, it’s been me protecting you,” I said. “You honestly think you’re my mom’s only dealer? She gets drugs from anyone. Meaning I have to pay whoever has them, Beck. Including you. And six years ago, you pissed off one of them to the point where you became a target. You were threatened.”
I could see him trying to work it out in his mind.
I knew he’d never make the connection.
“For six years, I’ve had to pay that piece of shit to keep the target off your back. Every single time you’ve given your product to my mom, he’s shown up, wanting what I paid you. Sometimes wanting double. Demanding it because he knew he could.”
