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“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my voice thick.
She nodded slowly before looking at me. “This would all be so much easier if I didn’t want you the way I do. I need you to be like every other man I’ve ever met. I need to hate you. I need you to make me sick at the thought of you touching me.”
I did hate her.
I hated her for sleeping with men for money.
For making me want to erase the thought and encounters of every man she’d ever met.
For making me want her.
For blurring the lines of hate and lust and need.
Her slender throat moved with her forced swallow. “Why have you changed everything?”
Why have you?
I crossed my arms over my chest to keep from reaching for her.
After what just happened, I didn’t think grabbing her and showing her exactly how much I wanted her was what she needed.
Then again, it wasn’t what I needed either.
I’d had a knife out. I’d been seconds from killing her and had ended up bending her over my dresser to bury myself deep inside her instead.
I couldn’t get a read on this girl, and it was confusing me in a way nothing ever had.
One minute I was sure every one of my suspicions of her was correct. The next I couldn’t stand to go another second without claiming her in some way.
Chaos.
Complete and utter chaos.
“I’m sorry for your demons,” I said in a rough voice as I went to stand beside her. “I would fight them all if you asked me to, but I know you won’t. I know you don’t need me to.”
She lifted her chin, and my lips twitched into a smile.
I gently grabbed her head and pressed my mouth to it. “Leave if you want. Leave if you need to. You know where I’ll be.”
I didn’t look back at her as I walked over to turn the light off and let my drained body fall to the bed.
I didn’t hear the window, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t.
A few minutes later, the bed shifted so faintly it was almost unnoticeable. The only real sign she was there was the movement of my sheets as she slid under them on the far side of the bed.
“Nightshade,” she murmured simply.
I bit back a smirk. “Good night, Chaos.”
“Are you ready?”
I glanced in the mirror and saw Kieran leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, watching me as I fixed my makeup, trying to make it so I didn’t look as crazy as everyone thought I was. His eyes raked over my body where I was bent over the vanity, his eyes heating. And my lips curled into a smile in response.
There wasn’t a sinking feeling inside.
I didn’t feel the need to scream or claw at myself.
I didn’t want to get clean.
