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“I’m not ready to think rationally,” I tell her. “It still hurts too much.”

She squeezes me one last time, then pulls back, cupping my cheeks like she used to when we were kids. “There’s no rush,” she tells me, and it’s what I need to hear. “You don’t need to decide what to do next until you’re ready.”

“When did you get so wise?” I ask her.

“Since I decided to become somebody’s mom.” She rubs her stomach. “Apparently you have to talk sense and stuff.”

I smile through my tears.

“Come on,” she says. “I have a lot of penis bath bombs and nobody to give them to. I’ll run you a bath, you can get some sleep, then later we’ll watch a chick flick and scream at the screen.”

“I’m sure Parker will be delighted.”

“If it’s Nora Ephron, he’s there. And he’ll even bring the munchies,” she promises. She slides her hand around my shoulders, leading me to the master bathroom, with the best jacuzzi in the world.

And later that night, when we watch Sally Albright fall for Harry Burns, Parker wedged between Autumn and me with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, I let myself lean into his shoulder. But it’s the wrong shoulder. On the wrong man. And the sweater that I’m trying to quietly cry into is completely the wrong one.

And I don’t know how I’ll ever get over West Abbott.

thirty-nine

WEST

“Are you just going to sit here like Miss Havisham after being jilted, or are you actually going to do something?” Hudson asks, letting out a sigh because the Barbie cards are still on the coffee table where Eden threw them. Bennett tried to clear them up earlier and I wouldn’t let him. They’re all I have left of her. Proof of her victory.

Proof of my failure.

“Who’s Miss Havisham?” Bennet asks. “Is that Mylene’s last name?”

Hudson’s gaze catches mine, but neither of us laugh. Not because it isn’t funny, but because the weight in the room is too heavy. And because Bennett is one of us now. He put himself on the line, and we’re not going to make fun of him.

“She’s a character in a Charles Dickens book,” Hudson says. “She sat in her wedding dress for something like twenty years after her groom left. The table still set, the cake rotting, the works.”

Bennett frowns. “You planning on keeping those cards for twenty years?” he asks me.

“If I have to.” My voice is rough. If they’re all I have of her, then yes, I’ll keep them until they crumble to dust. “You should both go,” I tell them. “I’m not good company right now.”

“Skyler told me to stay here,” Hudson says. “And I’m not going home to face her wrath.”

“And I have nowhere else to go,” Bennett adds chirpily. “Not that this place is the same without Eden. It’s kind of… depressing actually.”

I glance over at him. “I’m sorry my breakdown is ruining your vibe.” There’s no barb in it. I haven’t got the energy.

“Jesus, you’re wallowing so much I feel like I should put you in a mud bath,” Hudson says, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well I remember when you wallowed over Skyler. And I don’t remember being an asshole.”

Hudson sits down next to me, runs his hands through his hair, and lets out a sigh. “Look, I’m not good with words.”

“I think you’re truly excellent, sir,” Bennett says.

“Thank you, Bennett.” Hudson grins at him. “I appreciate the support.” He looks at me again. “Damn, you’re an idiot. Okay? An idiot who is great at sorting out everybody else’s life except his own. And yeah, maybe I’d let you wallow some more if it wasn’t my sister who’s breaking down too.”

“You heard from her?” I ask.

He lets out a sigh. “She’s watching romcoms with Autumn.”

“Oh boy,” Bennett says. “It’s bad.”