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The rumors were cut and dry, that Bear had lost his mother and moved out here to be alone. And he’d succeeded in that for years.
“Loss creates scars that run deep. He just needs to find that spark of life again.” She reached out and gripped my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. “As soon as you say the words to him, when he looks in your eyes and sees what he’s been missing, everything will click into place.”
“I’m glad one of us is so confident.” I smiled, but it was forced. Deep down I was a nervous wreck thinking about all the bad things that would come from me spouting off the truth. But despite that, I knew I’d push past my worries.
I’d tell Bear everything, consequences or not.
3
Bear
I sat on the oversized leather chair in Wolf’s cabin and stared at him and his wife Ruby as they went heavy on the PDA in the kitchen. I scrubbed a hand over the back of my neck and looked away when Wolf’s hand slid down to cover her ass, and he leaned in to kiss her.
Leave it to the rugged mountain man to not give a shit who was watching when he wanted to stake a claim on his woman.
We’d been friends for years, the only person I would let into my life. But we’d never actually spent an extended amount of time together like this. We never did dinner, didn’t shoot the shit on the porch drinking beers. We helped each other prepare for the winter, chopping wood, gathering supplies. We hunted together, but kept our distance socially because that’s how we both wanted it.
But ever since he married Ruby, found the woman who made him whole, I saw changes in him. He was still the gruff bastard I knew, but he was … different.
But his solidarity and aloofness was why we got along so well. We were one and the same. But with her being in his life, I’d seen the wall he’d erected around himself slowly coming down. They lived in his cabin away from everyone else, but he seemed happy, complete. I couldn’t help it: part of myself wanted that as well, needed it on this deep-rooted level.
I brought my beer to my mouth and took a long drink, finishing off the alcohol as I watched the flames dance across the logs in the fireplace. I heard Ruby giggling, knew that dinner tonight had been her idea. She was used to living around others, despite the fact she craved the solitude like her husband, like me.
But it didn’t change the fact I felt out of place, almost uncomfortable being here.
Despite all of that, my need to leave, to be alone once more, I kept thinking about Susie. I kept imagining, fantasizing having her with me, hearing her laugh softly as I ran my finger along her cheek, as I leaned in and whispered all the filthy fucking things I wanted to do to her.
“Do you want another beer, Bear?” Ruby asked.
I glanced over at her and gave a tight nod. She handed a bottle to Wolf and he came over, sitting on the tattered leather chair across from me. He handed me the beer and I popped the cap, drinking half of it in one go, trying not to seem like I was crawling out of my skin being here. It was nothing against them. This was all on me; I’d allowed myself to be alone for so long this kind of social setting made me awkward as fuck.
“You hate this, don’t you?” Wolf asked and grinned right before he brought the bottle to his mouth and took another drink.
“I haven’t done … this in a long fucking time.”
Wolf chuckled and looked at the fire for a prolonged moment. “Yeah, neither had I before Ruby came into my life.” He looked at his wife and smiled, the love clear on his face. “Before Ruby I don’t even know how I survived.”
I’d never told Wolf about Susie, about my feelings for her or how I wanted what he had … a life, a family, to finally feel alive.
After my mother passed away and the reality that I was truly alone in the world settled in on me, I knew that I might as well move on, live alone, stew in my own loneliness.
That happened years ago, well over a decade.
My mom had been the rock in my life, the one person I’d always been able to depend on. Even as a grown man I was a mama’s boy, looking up to her, knowing she could change the world if she wanted to.
She raised me as a single parent, worked her ass off doing two jobs just so I’d have a roof over my head and food in my belly. So losing her suddenly, not being able to say goodbye, had fucked with my head.
