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I was in a better place now, having accepted her death, moving on with my life—even if it was a solitary one. But the more I thought about it, the more I pictured what it would be like to have her around still. I knew she wouldn’t want me being this broody, cold and hardened bastard. She’d want me to be happy.
And I wanted that too.
So I’d found this little picturesque mountain town and used my savings to purchase the land and materials to build the cabin. I lived out of a tent for the better part of six months, taking my time but knowing that it had to be done before the first winter set in. And since then I’d slowly added on to it, made the wraparound porch, added a couple more rooms, made the cabin my own.
But I was tired of being alone. I wanted something more substantial in my life, wanted a legacy to leave. I wanted Susie as my wife, wanted to create a family with her.
I stared at the flames, watching the reds and yellows move across the charred wood. The sound of crackling filled my head, drowned out everything else. I could picture her sitting beside me, my arm around her, her hand in mine. I’d keep her safe, protect her. I’d make sure no one and nothing ever hurt her.
I looked back at Wolf, who watched me inquisitively. I could tell he knew my mind was turning, that maybe I was thinking about everything I’d lost, everything I didn’t have. He was a smart man, could read people like they were an open book. Maybe it was because he’d lived the same life as I had. Maybe it was because he knew that dark loneliness that ate at a person and filled their head with too much noise.
It was time to change all of that, to rectify the situation.
It was time to make Susie mine.
* * *
Susie
I loaded up the last of the grocery bags in my Jeep and shut the trunk, my hands shaking, my heart racing. I wasn’t nervous because I was going up to Bear’s cabin, but because of what I would tell him today.
After speaking with Cherry and hearing her tell me about how I should go after what I wanted, that life was too short, I knew she was right. I couldn’t pretend things would fall into my lap, or that I’d be able to live with myself if I kept my emotions on lockdown. I didn’t want to always wonder what would have happened if I’d told Bear how I felt.
It had been a month since I’d taken groceries to his place, and longer than that since I’d actually seen him. But during that whole time, I’d been thinking about how to go about this, how to tell him exactly how I felt.
I was tired of waiting, pretending that staying back and keeping my mouth shut was for the best. It wasn’t. I was lonely and in love with him and he didn’t even know it. This could go a thousand different ways.
If I told him I loved him and he turned me away, told me there was nothing that could ever happen between us, my heart would be broken. Or maybe he’d embrace me, tell me he loved me too, that he’d been waiting for the right time to confess his feelings as well.
Of course, the latter was my fantasy, something that most likely would not happen.
The reality was, I was pretty sure of his reaction and how he would take what I had to say, how he would tell me being alone was what he wanted, why he lived the way he did. I would just be an obstacle, a confusion for him that he couldn’t deal with. Why else would he not have a woman yet, be married already?
Bear had never said anything to me aside from a few gruffly spoken greetings in passing. I was nothing to him but the girl who dropped off his groceries.
Even knowing all of that, even bracing myself for how things would happen, I was still going to go through with this. I was still going to tell Bear exactly how I felt and see where the chips landed.
Because if I didn’t speak up now, I’d always wonder what would’ve happened if I was honest with him.
4
Bear
I heard her Cherokee approaching before I saw it. I grabbed a rag from the back porch and wiped the sweat from my face. I had my truck parked a few feet away, my tools set up beside it, the hood opened as I worked on the engine.
The Jeep turned off, the sound of her car door opening and closing coming through. I made my way around the side of the house. There she stood, with her back toward me, looking around. A part of me wanted her to be looking for me. She gave a little huff after a few seconds and I couldn’t help but smile at that.
