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Only to be cast back in hell by his moody conscience.
The music finally stopped and he took her swiftly to Andrew. He instructed the boy to take her home and disappeared taking his sense of indecency, rather than the opposite, with him.
Amy watched him walk away in total bewilderment, after he stammered a lame excuse. Confusion stalked her as all the gaiety forsook her for the rest of the night. By the time Andrew left her at home she was a mass of contradictory emotions.
Mark ordered another glass of whiskey. It had been several and if this would be the last, only heaven knew. His lean body bent over the counter, his head down; guilt and self-reproach eating him inside, not to be blurred, even after all these drinks. He had thought about calling Greta, it was still early when he left the party, but he didn’t feel minimally like meeting anyone right now.
He couldn’t tell what had been coming over him these last weeks. His guess was that the change of status, from former guardianship to...what? Damn! It didn’t matter what! But it was twisting his mind, this he knew for sure. And now? Was he supposed to tell her candidly what he should have a long time ago? The information that’d give her the power of taking her life into her own hands? And let him standing where exactly? Certainly not on very easy-going ground. He spat an ironic laugh to himself. There was nothing slightly resembling easy-going at that precise minute.
A hotel sheltered him for the night. He didn’t have a single drop of condition of going home and facing her.
Amy woke up for the thousandth time that night. Restless sleep. She sharpened her ears. All quiet. She was alone in the vast Georgian mansion. Alone and lonely. Alone, lonely and full of doubts. What she had been feeling lately was a mystery. Maybe it was just that the future was about to unfold full of possibilities, which could be causing her to overreact. Those brief moments in Mark’s arms the night before kept hammering in her memory, causing her to re-live all the sensations and emotions it inspired.
But it was utter madness even to winnow the thought of him as more than her saviour, the person who sheltered her, took care of her, even pampered her for the last two years. She was totally grateful to him for being there, against all odds. He didn’t have any obligation towards her, any family favours to repay, anything. He had done it out of pure kindness. True, he didn’t seem to be very affectionate. His reliability, though, was above question. And that was enough.
Mark entered the Georgian mansion next morning looking awful. His tuxedo was wrinkled all over, his bow-tie unfastened, dishevelled hair and weary eyes. His attention focused on someone sitting on the sofa. Andrew. A glacial rage froze his movements. Had the damn rascal slept there? Worse: had he slept with her? They seemed quite close at the party. His first instinct was to punch the guy out of his house. But then he remembered that Civilization was too old for him to fail it now. Consented sex wasn’t a crime after all. Whereas sinful fantasies...
“May I help you?” A cold treatment was the maximum he could afford.
“Oh, Mr Benton!” He lifted his head from his book and smiled easily. “We’re all going on a picnic. I came to pick Amy up.”
Mark remembered Amy saying something about it. “I see.” His deep male voice acknowledged.
“She told me to wait for a while.” He blinked. “Girls, you know.”
Girls, yes, she was a girl, just out of school. He wondered why he insisted in forgetting this detail. “Getting close the both of you, are you?” He had to know.
Andrew smiled dreamingly and Mark didn’t need any other answer to go to boiling jealous mode. “Well, boy,” Mark said in a low, silkily threatening tone, “you get this straight: Amy is going to university and will be very busy to care for boys in the years to come. You’d better not stand in her way.”
The boy seemed taken aback and was about to answer when they heard steps on the stairs.
When Amy showed in the sitting room, she had a very serious expression in her face. S
he had overheard what Mark told Andrew and didn’t like it in the least. Mark didn’t have the right. She felt angry at him first time in those years. She hadn’t been angry at him even in the peak of her teenager-hood. Something broke inside of her, if she only recognised what.
She gave a hollow smile to Andrew, but couldn’t bring herself to look at Mark, last night flashing in her memory. Her muscles were tense and she felt a little dizzy for lack of sleep.
For Mark, her indifference felt like she had hit his stomach in a full blow. He stared at her sideways, trying to swallow the lumpy knowledge that she was going to spend the day with this project of a man. He had to get hold of himself and he had to do it fast, lest he’d go crazy.
Amy had applied to a number of universities and was admitted to more than she expected. This made her feel proud of herself. Oxford was her choice. She had a notion that it’d be healthy to leave the Georgian mansion for a period. Besides, the institution offered exactly the course she wanted to go to. She was very excited about the new life she’d begin to lead in a few weeks’ time.
When Amy told Mark about her choice, he was tossed in a gloomy mood. He had expected that she would remain in London while studying. But he had offered her full sponsorship and he couldn’t go back in his word now. They had a deal and he’d stick to it, because then she’d stick to it herself. Thus he’d have something to look forward too.
Mark sat in his study in the Georgian mansion. All life was drained from it; or rather it was taken with Amy. She had left the week before and it already seemed like years. He hadn’t got the slightest idea of how he would endure years. She had written an e-mail to him saying that the student’s lodge was cosy and that her classes were beginning to pick pace. To keep his mind from it he drowned in work and exhausted himself in intense training. As if work and muscles could protect him from himself.
Loneliness was not a feeling Mark felt very often. He was constantly busy around his ever growing company and it left little time for other things. He had always been a person who kept mostly to himself. Reserved, from tender age. He had had quite an average childhood to be sure. His father had been an electronic technician working for a television and radio manufacturer. His mother had been a housewife. Mark considered he had a happy family. He had left home to attend college. His father passed away soon after he graduated and his mother decided to move to Cardiff, where she had relatives. The small inheritance Mark got from his father was invested in the beginnings of his company. His own old mother had passed away some years ago, which made Mark lose touch with what was left of his relatives.
Until Amy.
Only now did he realise how she had filled his life. Her cheerful disposition, her bright intelligence, her courage in adversity. All this time she had been part of his daily life. The Georgian mansion felt empty. His steps echoed in it when he arrived from work, and there was nobody to receive him, no one to talk to him. Vexed, he saw the time stretching ahead of him in an endless wait. How infuriating it was no to be able to change it.
Chapter III
The train glided in speed, maybe a little too much speed. Amy was coming back home; with a successful university degree. She deserved it, having studied hard and performed all her assignments with extreme care. A fully grown up woman by now, she couldn’t tell how she felt about going back. Home? Who knew? She hadn’t visited the Georgian mansion for the last two years. From the first year she had taken summer jobs on holidays, she made sure she paid her lodge since the beginning. She had had probationer jobs as well, which gave her extensive experience. First and second years she managed to spend Christmas at Mark’s house. On both occasions she felt awkward. They weren’t at ease at all. Never did she stay a full week then, but it was enough to cause her to be strained. So she made excuses for the last two Christmas, making other arrangements.
Actually, they were lame excuses, for she had been with Andrew. She never told Mark that Andrew was admitted at Oxford too. She didn’t want him interfering in her life. She got careful after what she had overheard the day after the prom. It hinted on Mark’s possessiveness. She had been only his charge and now she had a deal to go through.
Amy and Andrew had come close to getting engaged. As her course neared the end, she realized they didn’t have the same aims. He wanted a wife. She wanted a career. It seemed only natural that they broke up before they made a mistake.
