‘I’ll take them back when they’re a bit older so they can experience the true magic of it.’ I know there are a couple of simulators Cassie wouldn’t have been allowed on because of her age, and I’m already looking forward to taking both kids back there one day so they can see what their uncle did for a living, once upon a time.
We head to our table in the restaurant. Jesse stays asleep in the carrier, but I plop Cassie in a high chair next to me at the table. She babbles on and on about everything she’s seen today and I’m completely at peace as I listen along, asking questions to find out more.
She chows down some pasta and a bowl of ice cream and then promptly falls asleep in the high chair while the rest of us finish eating.
‘You look really well, Ki,’ Elise says from across the table. Grant has his arm around her and she’s leaning her head towards her son, admiring his little sleeping face. ‘Better than I’ve seen you in forever. New skincare routine? Botox?’
‘Ha ha,’ I say sarcastically. It’s not like I can tell her I’ve met someone, that I’m having the best sex of my life, that Harper James is making me happy and relieving some of my stress. ‘Well, my agent did set up this brand partnership with Clinique Men. Anna brought me like two whole bags full of products after I signed on the dotted line.’
‘I’m so jealous. Can you try and nab me a lifetime supply of their Dramatically Different moisturiser? It’s my fave.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
The second I get home, I’ll get Anna onto that. I’m sure there are some strings she could pull to make that happen.
‘No, but seriously. Anything we should know?’ They’re both grinning at me like they already know my secret. ‘Have you met someone? Who are they?’
Technically, I’ve never come out to Elise, but she’s always known. She probably knew before I did.
I shrug. I don’t want to lie to them. I’ve never lied to Elise in my whole life. But I’m not quite ready to talk about it. Harper and I haven’t talked about what we are to each other, and I have no idea whether he would want me to say anything to my family.
‘He’s just some guy.’ The words feel stale on my tongue as I downplay all the emotions that have been fluttering around inside me about Harper. It’s the first time I’ve said anything out loud about him – about us.
She squeals, not using her inside voice, before squeezing her husband’s arm. ‘I told you, didn’t I? I knew there’s been something different about you recently. You’ve got that relationship glow.’
‘It’s not a relationship, per se.’
I mean, Harper isn’t exactly the relationship type, is he? As far as I know, he’s never even been in one. He also deals exclusively in one-night stands and we’re definitely not that either. We’re teammates. We’re … friends, I think. But I don’t want to jump the gun and assume we’re anything else on top of that. Maybe like teammates ... with benefits.
‘Okay, baby bro. You don’t want to talk about it. I get that. We don’t need the dirty details.’ Like I was ever going to give her those! I’m not even planning to tell her his name. ‘But he makes you happy, does he?’ I nod. ‘Well, that’s all I need to know.’
And to my absolute surprise, she drops it for the rest of the meal.
Harper’s tucked up in bed when I get back. I knew he wouldn’t be out tonight considering we’re racing tomorrow, but I’m more than glad he’s here.
‘Hey, handsome.’ He’s got one eye cracked open, observing the way I’m lingering in the doorway and taking in every inch of him. His muscles ripple as he stretches out, like he’s trying to shake off some of the sleepiness he’s feeling. The duvet shifts and it reveals he’s wearing a pair of my gym shorts and nothing else.
I almost wish I wasn’t too tired to do anything other than sleep.
But we have to race tomorrow and it’s more important than ever that we put on a good performance for the home crowd. We also need to get back on top of the league for the Constructors’ Championship. In terms of fans and the media, support tomorrow will be immense – but so will the pressure.
‘Did you have a good evening?’ he asks as I begin to strip off my trousers, folding them neatly back over their hanger, before chucking my shirt into the laundry hamper we’re now sharing. If the lovely lady who manages our laundry services has noticed, she hasn’t said anything. At least, as far as I know.
‘The best, thank you.’ I slide into bed beside him and press a kiss to his bare shoulder. He snuggles into me automatically and I sling an arm over his waist, taking my place as the big spoon as per what’s become the norm for us. ‘The kids were both fast asleep after about half an hour of us being in the restaurant, so Elise and Grant and I got to catch up.’
‘Sounds perfect. What did you eat?’ I don’t know why I love that he wants to know details about the evening, but I really, really do.
‘They shared nachos, and then Elise crushed a massive burger and sweet potato fries. It had a hash brown and grilled pineapple on it. I was so jealous. Grant had steak, and Cassie had spag bol and ice cream. I could have hoovered up the lot, but I had grilled fish and an extra side of green veg instead. Chris would not have approved if I’d had a rib-eye and fries, and I’d be in trouble at the weigh-in tomorrow.’
Our nutritionist would never cuss us out for having a treat, but every gram makes a difference at the elite level, and our kit is specifically designed to meet the specifications for both minimum and optimal weight. The night before such an important race is not the time to be undisciplined. I’ve made so many sacrifices to get where I am, and this is hardly the worst. The time for a treat meal is rightaftera race so you have time to metabolise and digest it before it will affect your performance on the next circuit.
‘Sounds delicious. I Deliveroo’d a Turkish salad and FaceTimed Jo. We didn’t talk for long, though. I think his mind was elsewhere and it made it feel … weird. Awkward, somehow. He was obviously distracted and it felt like he couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I don’t know why he didn’t just say he was busy.’
‘Have you told him about us?’
After the conversation with Elise this evening, I suddenly really want to know the answer to this. If he were going to tell anyone, it would be Johannes.
‘No,’ he confirms, and a slither of disappointment drips down my spine. I don’t know why that hurts. I don’t want this to be on public display when I don’t even know what this is, but he tells Johannes everything. I’m not sure I want to be his dirty little secret.
