‘Oh. Then maybe he’s just doing the same.’ I don’t mean to be cold, but I don’t know what else to say. Yet when he tugs my arm to pull me closer and squeezes my hand over his heart, I forget why I’m even annoyed.
I should just enjoy the moment, enjoy having him so close, enjoy the conversation that flows so easily between us since our truth-telling session back in Austria.
‘Maybe.’ He pulls my hand up to his lips and kisses each knuckle. ‘I know we should probably be asleep, but my brain just feels so awake right now.’
He’s started being honest with me too. It’s like … since then, since he talked about his shitty childhood, he lets himself be vulnerable with me. He trusts me with his real self and doesn’t need to hold anything back anymore.
‘You worrying about something in particular, or just pre-race jitters?’ I ask.
‘Just about Johannes, I think, and why he won’t talk to me about what’s going on with him and whoever's occupying his attention.’
‘Maybe he’s not ready. Or maybe he knows you’re not exactly the world’s best relationship expert. Just keep trying, and be there for him when he’s ready.’
‘Yes, oh wise one.’ There’s a pause, and then he asks, ‘Did you tell your sister about us?’
‘No, well kinda, not about you, but like she knows me so well she could tell there was someone.’
‘Oh.’
‘Did you want me to?’ I ask. ‘You and I haven’t exactly talked about it, and I didn’t know whether you would?—’
‘No, no, I get it.’ It surprises me that he sounds hurt. ‘It’s not like we’re even sleeping together.’
I’m glad his back is to me so I can hide my wince.
‘We areliterallysleeping together right now,’ I say.
But I know what he means. I don’t want to be just another guy he fucks and forgets, so we’ve fooled around but that’s it so far.
‘Speaking of which, can we sleep now?’
He nods, but as I hold him close to my chest, his fingers play with mine like he’s still mulling over his thoughts and it takes longer than I’d like for us to finally fall asleep.
Whatever was on his mind doesn’t affect his performance the next day, though, because we romp home in P1 and P3. Hendersohm is pleased, the fans are thrilled, and the UK is once again proud of its boys. And Elise and the kids were there to see me do it.
It’s a good day, a very good day.
ChapterEighteen
Harper
If you’d have told me four weeks ago that this motorhome would become a blissful bubble of sex and spooning, I’d have laughed in your face.
One, because I’ve never been a cuddler, and sex is all about a quick thrill with no repeats.
And two, because although we’ve done everything else, Kian and I have not actually shagged.
I know, I know. This could not be further from my usual pattern.
I’m sure he wants to. I mean, I’m pretty sure he wants to. I know I do.
And whilst neither of us seems to have figured out each other’s preference yet around anal, we’re still going at it like rabbits.
It turns out that Kian loves to sixty-nine and he’s bloody good at it. He seems to have this perfect rhythm of sucking me off, whilst also thrusting down into my mouth. It leaves me with nothing to do other than to choke him down.
It’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever been a part of – and I’m not exactly shy when it comes to sex. I’ve had my fair share of experiences – partners, groups, you name it – and yet, when it comes to Kian, something feels different.
He’s good at taking control, which maybe I’ve never wanted before. In the past I’ve always gone for subs and twinks who want to be owned. I’ve always been a top, and I love to have my dick sucked. But right now there’s nothing I want more than for him to tell me what to do. I wanthimto dominatemeand it’s a totally new experience. I usually just take charge, move the guy into position and then fuck him however I want. But I find I don’t actually know how to ask for it. I don’t know how to tell him what I want.
