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I couldn’t stay away.
I wouldn’t.
I’d have Ivy as mine, and fuck if it ruined everything.
14
Ivy
I put the clean set of pajamas on the counter and shut the bathroom door, staring at myself in the mirror. My body felt ultrasensitive, the memory of the kiss I’d shared with Matthew still so fresh in my mind, on my lips. My mouth tingled, my body reacted. All it took was that memory to ignite me.
I turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up, then got in, hoping the hot water might stave off some of this arousal burning within me.
But the longer I stayed under the spray, the more my desire for him grew. And what a fucking shame that was, seeing as I wouldn’t ever be with him. He’d made that clear, told me we couldn’t be together. And I understood him, but I hated it. It felt like someone had ripped my heart from me.
I shut off the water and stood there a moment, just letting the droplets slide down my body, the chill settle over my skin. Finally, I stepped out, dried off, and dressed, the clothing rubbing along my ultrasensitive skin, heightening my lust even further.
How I wished I could be with Matthew, that I could at least talk to someone about how I felt. But telling anyone my feelings would be met with condemnation, disgust, judgment. No, I couldn’t even tell Georgia how I felt. I couldn’t admit it to anyone.
I stared at myself in the mirror, the glass foggy, my reflection distorted. I lifted my hand to clear off the fog. I stared at myself for a second, feeling defeated, alone, and like a part of myself was missing.
I opened the bathroom door, the built-up steam billowing out in this cloud in front of me.
I could hear sounds from downstairs. I knew Matthew was just right below. Maybe if I went down there and demanded he stop hiding his feelings, he’d be with me. Or maybe I’d make a bigger fool of myself. Maybe I’d make things worse. And then I saw the light downstairs go off, heard him coming closer to the stairs. My heart started racing and I wanted to go to my room, to rush away, escape.
I was nervous, scared to see him. Things had gotten so weird since the kiss, since he’d told me how he felt, and I to him. It was like he’d shut me out. It was when I heard the creak of the stairs and knew Matthew was coming up, that I found myself finally going to my room. But once I was there, I didn’t shut the door. I left it cracked, the darkness from the lack of light, the humidity and scent of the body wash I’d used filling the air.
His room was right beside mine. He’d have to walk past my door to get to it, so when he was only a few feet away, I took a step back and held my breath. The door was still cracked, a small sliver of muted blue light from the window coming through.
And then I saw him. He didn’t move past my door, and instead stopped, looking in my direction. Could he see me? Could he hear my heart racing?
I took a step back as he came forward one. My heart was racing, my palms sweating. My body was hot then cold, repeating over and over again. Dizziness slammed into me as I saw him right there, pushing my door open. The shadows and moonlight spilled into my room.
“You should be in bed,” he said gruffly, his voice low, almost inaudible. “It’s late.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.
He leaned against the doorframe. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
All I could do was nod.
“But I’m done fighting this.”
Oh. God.
He pushed himself away from the door and came toward me. He stopped when he was just a foot from where I stood, his massive body making me feel so small and feminine.
“I don’t trust myself around you, and so I’ve stayed away.” A wall of hard, warm muscle pressed up against my chest and a gasp left me. My vision had adjusted to the darkness, and I could see his gaze on me, the fact he had this heavy-lidded expression. The smell of him, the feel of his chest pressed against mine reminded me all too well of what I really wanted, of who was right in front of me.
Desire rushed inside of me.
“Ivy.” He said my name on a harsh groan, the scent of the alcohol he’d clearly been drinking lacing his breath. But it was like an aphrodisiac that heightened my hunger for him.
His hands were gently wrapped around my upper arms, keeping me balanced, yet drawing me closer to him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. We didn’t speak, just stared at each other, the darkness wrapping around us like a blanket that blocked out everything, everyone. My lips were suddenly dry and my heart thundered. I licked them again, my mouth tingling as I thought about that kiss we’d shared, as I imagined doing it over and over again.
