Page 112 of The Jaded Notes

“That’s not what I meant.” I shrink inside knowing Jax saw me having sex with two complete strangers for my selfish pleasure.

“Don’t be ashamed of anything you’ve done. Just know if we’re exclusive, then there will be no other partners with us or on our own. We’re together as a monogamous couple. If that’s not something you want?—”

“I do want that. I mean, I only want you. You’re the only man I see myself with. You treat me better than anyone ever has. You treat me like I’m some valuable treasure. It’s more than I could ever dream of.”

“You are a valuable treasure. You’remon trésor, Livianna. Always.”

“And you’re my king. Always and forever.”

If only that were truly the case.

Then

A Year And A Half Later

Silk Bonds & Leathered Promises

When tears don’t mean sadness.

The world looks different now, darker in some places, brighter in others, but Jax is still the one constant that steadies me.

The city shines through the glass. Paris blends violet with midnight, and I’m tangled in the silk sheets that still carry the scent of Jax.

He draws his fingers over my wrist, where the fresh rose tattoos that cover the scars he refuses to let define me are healing. “Do you know what happens in a scene?”

“What kind of scene?”

He rolls to his side, and his gaze holds mine. “BDSM. Not the clichés and not the porn, but the real kind.”

“I know what we’ve done, but I’m not sure that’s what you’re talking about, so give me some specifics.”

“A scene is about surrendering the weight you’ve carried too long. Pain becomes a conduit. The body floods with endorphins, and for a moment, every chain you’ve wrapped around yourself snaps open.”

The words ripple through me, unsettling and magnetic at once. “You’re telling me pain becomes freedom, and this has nothing to do with me proving myself to you?”

“Exactly. You like it hard, Livianna. We’ve explored some of this on a surface level, but I’d like to take it further. I’m asking you if we could experience more together.”

My stomach tightens. “But I’ve let you down before, and I’m scared I’ll do it again somehow without even trying.”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. Trust me.” He leans in, his lips grazing mine. “I’d never let you go too far if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It helps to know that.” I take a moment to picture an experience we’d have together, but I hit a wall. “Help me understand how this works because we already know I have trouble when I feel like I’m going to fail at pleasing you.”

“You could never fail with me.” His voice is low, threaded with command. “What you need to understand is pain and pleasure blur when the heart is ready. That total submissiondoesn’t weaken; it liberates. And sometimes it’s the only way to silence what won’t let you sleep.”

My curiosity kicks in. “I know you’ve done this before, so tell me about what you do without giving me too many details.”

He takes a second before he speaks. “I’ve whipped someone. More than one. Not to hurt them, but to free them. I struck until their bodies shook and the tears came. Every blow was consensual. Every breath was a release. And when it ended, they weren’t shattered because they felt lighter than they had in years.”

Heat coils low in my abdomen, not just desire but the dangerous allure of understanding. “And you? Did it free you?”

His breath drags, his eyes darkening with the weight of memory. “It kept me alive. Knowing I’ve helped someone release their burdens gives me extreme satisfaction.”

“Oh.” The confession pierces something in me I didn’t know was still soft. I press closer against him with my pulse hammering. I’m torn between fear and fascination. “So you want to whip me?”

“Yes. I want to experience this with you.” His resolve becomes absolute. “We’ll begin slowly. Nothing reckless or forced. You’ll give me your trust, and I’ll give you back more than you think you can carry. But you’ll choose it. Not me.”

I’m not sure he’s ever going to open up fully with me unless I can give him this part of me. It takes me a few moments to decide, but I’ve been playing with the idea, and I want Jax and me to connect more than we already do.