Page 11 of Playing with Trouble

His mood was steady on the surface, but I could hear the edge beneath, like he wanted to offer something more, wasn’t sure if he should, and was trying to keep it casual instead.

I found my panties and slipped back into them.“Thanks, but I know how to take care of myself.”

“Never said you couldn’t.”Ford’s face was mostly unreadable, and yet I couldn’t help but detect a bit of confusion in his gaze.

Good, let him be confused.That was better than him seeing the truth.Better than him seeing how badly I wanted to stay.How much it scared me that he’d touched something deeper than anyone ever had.

I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror on the wall.God, I was a wreck.My hair was a disheveled mess, my makeup smudged.I looked exactly like what I was…a woman who’d been completely undone.And I didn’t want Ford seeing me like that.Not because I was embarrassed, but because if he looked too closely he’d see it all.The cracks in my façade.The longing I didn’t know how to bury fast enough.

Feeling as though I was suffocating and needing air, I headed toward the door with more determination than grace.“See you around,” I said, doing my best to sound like my normal cool and collected self.

“Violet—” he started, but I didn’t let him finish.

“Just so we’re clear, tonight was a one and done,” I said, cutting him off to let him know exactly where I stood.Never to happen again.

Then, I walked out, because if I stayed one second longer I feared I might not want to ever leave.And I couldn’t let Ford Perish become the kind of man I swore I’d never need.

CHAPTER4

Violet

Afew days later, I had forgotten all about my night with Ford.

Okay, that was a complete and total lie.He was all I could think about and the fact that I couldn’t get him out of my head annoyed the hell out of me.

The following day after having sex with Ford I feltawful.I hadn’t slept well and I woke up with a pounding headache.I’d been irritable, my nerves felt frayed, and I couldn’t figure out why.I had been grateful that Andrea hadn’t been around to take the brunt of my erratic moods throughout the day.

I should have felt fantastic after that amazing sex and those orgasms, but instead I’d felt out of sorts.That next evening, curiosity—and annoyance that I couldn’t shake what seemed like a weird depression—got the better of me.I started Googling symptoms after an intense BDSM session.Just a casual little scroll, nothing serious, and ended up deep-diving into something calledsubdrop.

I discovered that the intensity of being edged repeatedly didn’t just deliver pleasure.I’d learned that during that kind of overwhelming scene your body released tons of endorphins and adrenaline.Endorphins provided the body with an extremely euphoric feeling while experiencing pain.Adrenaline energized and kept you going through the scene.

But when the play session ended, those chemicals quickly left your body, which accounted for my headache and the rest of my symptoms.It explained the fatigue and emotional whiplash I’d experienced and the tight feeling in my chest I hadn’t been able to shake.

I realized that’s why Ford had expressed his concern about aftercare.He was a dom and knew all about subspace and subdrop and wanted to make sure I didn’t experience those extreme physical and emotional reactions.Knowing what I did now, maybe I should have let Ford pamper me a little longer but I’d been too hellbent on getting out of there and putting distance between the two of us as quickly as possible.

But what was done was done and I tried to convince myself that it hadn’t beenthatbad.I powered through on my own.Treated myself to my favorite ice cream, took a long bath, and put on a comfort movie.See, I could take care of my own damn self just fine.I’d done it all my life and didn’t need a man to take care of me.

Which was why, a few days later, I refused to dwell on everything that had happened between Ford and I at the club.I had other things on my mind, like lunch with my little brother, Christopher.I was buying, of course.Christopher was still trying to get back on his feet and I knew how much those small expenses like eating out could suddenly add up.

I spotted him heading toward the little outdoor café where we were meeting and waved so he’d see me.My brother was much taller than me and bulky, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

When he arrived at our table, he slid into the seat across from me.Personally, I would have preferred to be inside with air conditioning, but it was at least shady where we’d been seated.Christopher thrived on the heat, like a lizard sunning on a rock.

We ordered, and after our drinks were delivered I glanced at my brother who seemed quiet and withdrawn.“So, how are you?How’s work?”

He shrugged, and to my immense relief he didn’t tell me that he’d gotten fired from yet another job.“It’s going.”

“Chrissy…”

“Don’t call me that, geez.”He rolled his eyes at me.

It was a nickname I’d given him when he was a little boy, and now that he was older I still couldn’t help myself.“Aww, but you’re so cute when you’re annoyed.”I nudged him lightly under the table.

Christopher and I didn’t have the kind of relationship that Madison and Andrea did.Madison was older by a good few years and had really taken on the role of raising and protecting Andrea as much as she could.Sometimes it felt like she straddled the line between being Andrea’s sibling and Andrea’s mom.

It wasn’t like that with Christopher and me.Even though I was protective of him, I was always going to be his annoying big sister first and foremost.That was our thing.

“Seriously, I’m proud of you,” I told him, giving him a smile.“It’s been almost an entire year at the museum, right?”