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But we were just friends.
I would keep repeating those two words until I made myself understand that’s all we’d ever be. I was okay with that, because I knew what I risked losing.
Denial was one hell of a drug.
Maliki’s ability to pull me from a chaotic downward spiral directly to a state of tranquility with merely a look or a few softly spoken words was an obvious sign that he was my recovery. Regrettably, I was unable to accept that.
I continued massaging the lotion into his flesh, taking my time when I got to the top part of his shoulder where a shaded sleeve began, wrapping around his entire right arm. Aside from the Venom insignia on his neck, it was the only other place he had ink.
Feeling the sudden need to break the silence, I cleared my throat. “You did a terrible job drying off. That’s what I was staring at, not eye fucking you.”
He chuckled softly. “Nyx, if you didn’t eye fuck me, I’d be offended, but since you wanna be a girl about it, I’ll pretend to believe you weren’t thinking dirty things about me.”
His words needled too close to being true for me to find the amusement in them. I shook my head and gently pushed between his shoulder blades. He didn’t go anywhere, but it had been worth a try.
“You can get up now. You’re done. And while you’re at it, put a shirt on so I can control these filthy thoughts of mine.”
The muscles in his back flexed as he twisted to look at me, a cocky grin in place. “I’d rather you share those thoughts. We can compare notes afterward.”
“Get up!” I shoved him again, this time successfully making his body slide from between my legs. I recapped the lotion and wiped the last bit on my jeans, passing the bottle off when he stood and reached for it.
“You tired?” he asked, tossing it towards his duffel.
“Nope,” I lied. I was always ready to meet the sandman on the other side, but I hated what was waiting for me in my dreams every time I arrived.
Maliki hummed in response and rounded to the opposite side of the bed.
“Switch me spots.”
“What?”
“Swap places with me,” he clarified.
“Um…okay.”
I slid down a bit, and he claimed the spot I’d just been sitting in.
He spread his legs and gave me an expectant look when I hesitated to climb between them. Wondering where he was going with this, I shrugged and took up the same position he’d just been in.
At first, nothing happened, and I began to think he was screwing with me. His deep exhale swiftly had me changing my mind. It was as if an immeasurable amount of stress expelled from him with that one breath.
I related to it so much that my heart constricted in my chest. This was what none of the others would understand about us.
It’s why I’d never tell him to stop doing whatever it was he was doing in these motels, even though I desperately wanted to know. As nice as moments like this were, it didn’t change the fact that we were both all types of screwed up.
We all were, but Malik and I were on an entirely different spectrum. Our pain was worse. The betrayal cut deeper because it came from people we stupidly thought we’d loved, but had never loved us.
I was just getting acquainted with death, and darkness had gradually been becoming his constant companion. The domino effect of events the last few weeks forced us to embrace them fully, whether we were ready or not—and neither of us had been.
This was the result of life hitting us harder than we expected and testing to see if we were strong enough to get back up. He was struggling to cope, but until he let me all the way in, I could do nothing more than be there when he needed me to.
I knew this because I was struggling, too. I was lost in a sea of chaos and beginning to feel battered by the waves. The only difference between the two of us was that my demons and I were becoming the best of friends, and he was still waging war with his.
I wasn’t going to demand he tell me why his jeans had blood on them because I knew he would when he was ready. And I didn’t protest when his arms slipped around my waist and pulled me further into him.
He stretched one arm out and turned the light off, shutting us in the dark, and then he laid me down, my back flush against his naked chest.
The bed squeaked and dipped as he settled behind me, resting one hand on my hip. He didn’t try to press his cock into my ass or feel me up, he simply held me and we took comfort from one another—just like we had a million times before.
