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The slight creak of leather had my gaze snapping to the loveseat where Blue slept, my muscles coiled in anticipation, I held my breath waiting to see if she was going to wake up. The sadness in her eyes made me feel guilty every time I looked at her, and I couldn’t deal with that right now.
She rarely left Cam’s side these days, which was more than understandable. Her daughter was still missing, one of her sons was in a coma, and the other was as good as dead. He’d already been renounced from the Savages, nothing but a walking target to the family he so easily betrayed.
I somewhat relaxed as she rolled to her other side, twisting beneath the blanket Cobra had covered her with.
Fingers tightening around the rim of the glass bottle in my hand, I brought it to my mouth and tilted it upward.
The bitter liquid sloshed down my throat to burn in my stomach. I had no idea what I was consuming. I wasn’t one to drink copious amounts of alcohol. It impaired judgment and opened up a well of secrets best left shuttered.
I’d raided Dad’s man cave for this. The dark green bottle was affixed with the logo of a stag with a cross above its head. The bitter irony compelled me to select it over the others. It tasted like damnation, if damnation had a taste, but that was irrelevant. It was a necessary cure for my sobriety.
With one last glance at the sweet ginger boy forced to remain trapped in his abyss, I turned and left the room, shutting the door softly behind me.
I made my way down the silent corridor, wondering where to go next. Samael’s room wasn’t an option.
If I was caught by Mom, she’d want to open me up and carefully dissect my feelings. I knew she meant well, but I didn’t want to talk. I couldn’t.
There were so many other important things to focus on. With Cam nothing more than a breathing vegetable, my baby cousin traumatized, and Lilith and Sam still missing, my issues paled in comparison to everyone else’s.
All I had was a broken heart. Just a betrayal. This happened to everyone at some point, didn’t it?
I’d had to grant one of my best-friends mercy by giving her death. Things could have been worse, right?
The gut-wrenching memories, endless rage, and constant pain had to fade soon?
One day, I wouldn’t be sick of the strange woman I saw in the mirror anymore.
The compound was twice as active as it usually was during the midnight hour. Acolytes that provided servitude during the late night were bustling around, faces obscured beneath their black hoods and masks. I paid them little attention, keeping my gaze diverted.
This used to feel like the safest place in the world, like nothing could ever hurt me here, but, all along, the catalyst of so much pain was standing right beside us.
My feet carried me along the path, the bottle occasionally finding its way to my mouth as I walked. I didn’t realize where I’d been heading until I was standing in the center of his room.
Weeks ago, it was as if a hurricane had blown through here. Cobra had ransacked it trying to find something, anything that would tell him why his own son would betray us.
Blue being Blue calmed him down and picked everything up, with Aunt Cali’s help.
I stepped back and used my boot to kick the door shut, enclosing me in the dark. It seemed forever ago that we were in here together. I didn’t need to be able to see to picture how barren the walls were aside from a family photo and a Sigil Of Baphomet canvas.
I stood there doing the same thing everyone else had: trying to figure out why.
I needed to know why he chose to drag me down with him. His betrayal would have hurt just as badly without making me a casualty and costing me a friend.
I needed to know why he dragged my baby brother, Lilith—his little sister—and Bella into this mess. They were just teenage kids. He didn’t have to take them away from their family and strip them of their youth.
I gnawed my lower lip, running a hand through my hair. The alcohol was making me a bit fuzzy, but a few of my demons liked me this way, eager to see me fade away. The rest were struggling to keep me afloat, refusing to let me go.
Desperate for a break from the never-ending battle in my mind, even if it were just for a few moments, I took another pull from my bottle and sat on the floor, kicking my legs out in front of me.
The bed I’d slept in, right beside him on countless occasions, was just a few feet away. The room still smelled like him, and it was making me nauseous, but I stayed anyway as some form of self-punishment.
How could I not have seen this coming? I should’ve known something wasn’t right. Dad taught me to notice everything; now, he looked at me with the same pity everyone else did.
Safely clutching my bottle so it didn’t spill, I leaned back so I was staring up at the ceiling, expelling a noisy sigh. We’d be leaving here tomorrow, Addy and I, doing our part in searching for Samael and Lilith.
My eyes drifted shut; I attempted to think of anything but my bleak reality.
When the door swung open and someone stepped in, closing it behind them, I figured it was Addy.
