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“Yeah, and if either of them were with these Stag fucks, they might have heard or seen something that can help us pinpoint where they’re hiding out and lead us to the kids. Although, I’m not too sure they’ll be all that young anymore.”
I took another hit from the joint and passed it back. He was right; the chances of them being in perfect physical health was debatable. Mentally, it was highly unlikely.
I’d seen Adelaide’s baby sister the day we got her back just as clearly as the rest of our group did. The bruises on her thighs painted a clear picture of what had happened to her.
We couldn’t be sure that Demon, Lilith, and Samael were even still alive.
There was still way too much we didn’t know where the Stags were concerned—like why they took them in the first place or what it was they truly wanted, because one thing for certain, it was not Butcher or Gwen, and I didn’t know what three teenagers could give them, either. What I did know was that for the sake of everyone involved, not a single one of those kids had better be dead.
“Have you spoken to Lucifuge?”
“He’s the one who sent me the directions to Dartmoor. For once, I think he’s actually focused on the same thing we are.”
That didn’t surprise me. Luce was a lot of things, and I didn’t trust his ass, but there was no disputing that he was fiercely protective of his friends and family.
He was one of the key reasons Addy and Zane were openly able to be together. Their relationship was thoroughly weaved into the details of our factions’ alliance. The one I was still wrapping my head around.
Most already knew better than to fuck with the devil’s daughter, but for someone to come at the Savage princess and the Venom queen? That was suicidal. If one of her psychotic ass family members didn’t take them out, one of ours would—exactly what Luce had wanted, his sister heavily protected, which led me to believe he was up to something.
“Maliki,” Zane said, tone turning serious, “how bad is it?”
I turned his question over in my head, wondering how to respond. I didn’t lie to Z.
At times, I bullshitted my way around certain topics, but we never lied to one another. Keeping secrets from the one person who had always had your back was a dumbass move.
“I think I’m breaking.” Four words he would understand perfectly. Four simple words that let him know the demons were no longer contained inside my head, that they were now manifesting in my blood.
Every second of every day, they grew a little stronger, and I was feeling fucking hopeless. I couldn’t tell if I was still sane when my issues were leaking from my brain and into reality. I put on an act so no one knew, but it was only a matter of time before they met the man I’d been trying to hide.
A man who did shit he was ashamed of to take off the edge. A man who was beginning to hate the sight of himself.
Zane nodded as if confirming something. “I’m going to tell you what I told you once before, way back when we were sleeping on thin sheets over concrete in a subway station.”
“And what’s that?”
He snubbed out the joint and turned his stocky body so that we were facing one another.
“Let yourself break. Stop trying to fight it. Stop trying to change who you’ve always been. No amount of drugs or alcohol is going to take this away. It comes with being part of this degenerate generation.” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “No matter how bad it’s gotten, it isn’t going to stop you being from my brother, or that girl in there from needing you.”
Dropping his arm, he looked across the parking lot where Greer was leaving some random room.
“Mi amigos!” he called to us, spreading his hands out.
“This fucking guy.” Zane laughed, the heavy veil draped over us temporarily lifting.
“Wake your girl up; I’ll fill this asshole in and have him wake Trix. You know how that goes.”
I didn’t bother correcting him. He’d been calling Nyx my girl before she and I had ever had a full blown conversation.
Grinning when he called Greer a dumbass loud enough for me to hear, I held onto the fleeting feeling of being able to breathe without the self-loathing clawing at my insides.
I knew Zane was right. He had been right since we were two kids fighting to make it out of the underground.
It was funny how family could tell you exactly how to get your shit together, but everything was easier said than done, and it wasn’t easy to admit that.
I sat her bag down beside mine, eyeing the dios los muertos sticker on the side of it.
Knowing the woman sleeping a few inches away from me was meant to harness souls of the dead didn’t bother me like you’d think it would. Of all the twisted fates there were, desiring death was my favorite one.
