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This was what I wanted. Sometimes to get someone to open up you had to spill your hurt first. I’d listened to lots of the girls talk, the ones not born at A.R.C and who hadn’t been brainwashed. They all had a story to tell.
“I tried to end it all a few weeks after I could walk again, but I fucked up. The agony was worse than the first cut. So was the blood. I blacked out and came to regretting it. Feeling worse. If you can believe that.”
That confession made me inexplicably sad. Suicide had never crossed my mind, but I wasn’t a stranger to it. The idea of death could be an escape to some, a freedom from the life that they were tired of facing down.
That’s what made it so freeing for the people at A.R.C. They got tired of fighting for nothing.
“It’s okay to hurt, Cam, but don’t think you’re alone. It’s so obvious people care about you. I care about you and I’m just getting to know you. So there’s no way you’re not loved.”
“I know that now. At the time, all I felt was alone. I lost my brother and failed to keep my baby sister safe. Luce was the one who found me. He, Ice, and Bella made sure I lived. You’re the only other person who knows about this, by the way.”
“I would never tell anyone.”
“Oh, I know,” he chirped. “I’d kill you if you did.”
I didn’t think he was joking.
“Where’s your brother now?” I asked. There wasn’t much gossip on that front for me to take any guesses of my own.
“Butcher? He’s chained up in our torture room,” he replied nonchalantly.
“Oh,” I faltered. There wasn’t much else I could say to that. Now I knew who the Butcher was that they kept referring to. I decided to change the subject. “You know, your scars aren’t that bad.”
“Star? You don’t have to lace sugar with shit. I see them every day.”
I rolled my eyes and shifted on the bed. “You don’t see them the way I do. You’re a very pretty man. They only enhance what you’ve already got going on.”
He choked on a laugh and sat up. “Now I know you’re fucking around. Pretty? I’m at least undeniably gorgeous.”
“At least you know you’re something,” I muttered, shaking my head at him.
“They really don’t bother you?”
I scowled at him.
“No. In case you’ve missed the giant X’s all over my back, I have some of my own. These are part of who we are. If someone has an issue with something as vain as our skin, screw them. We didn’t ask to look this way.”
“You know…” he trailed off and glanced away. “Hearing you be all gung-ho and chipper makes me feel like a bitch.”
I bit down on my lower lip in an effort not to laugh, ultimately failing. Cam watched me with an inquisitive look on his face.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it
’s good to see you smile.”
We sat there, him continuing to watch me. There was something in his eyes that had me catching the shift in him.
Before he could lose himself to a moment and do something that would result in Luce murdering us, I leaned in and wrapped both my arms around him. He hugged me back quicker than I thought he would, his embrace tight and solid.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
I thought silence best suited as a response, so I kept quiet.
Bella popped her head into the room, pulling a face that said, ignore my presence. She gave me a thumbs up and tiptoed backward.
I’d go to her once Cam was done. I was starting to think maybe he just needed a damned hug.
