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“That was a good one, beautiful. Way to go.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Michael.”

Clint used to call me beautiful

. “Well, it was a good one. Yes.”

“Thanks, Rae.”

Our food came and I entertained myself with eating. While Allison and Michael entertained themselves with, well, one another. They kept charging headfirst into conversations meant only for them. Which threw gasoline on the fire of my pain. When would this let up? When would it stop hurting so much? I mean, it’d only been one day. How the fuck was I supposed to keep putting one foot in front of the other and acting like things were okay if this was day one?

How did my two best friends expect me to sit here and watch them practically fondle one another when this was day one without Clint?

Every time they thought I wasn’t looking, they snuck a kiss or shared bites of their food. At least, I thought so. I thought maybe they thought I couldn't see them. Because if that wasn’t the case, then that meant they were blatantly making the conversation about them instead of including me.

And I didn’t want to believe my two best friends were that cold-hearted.

I knew they were trying to get my mind off Clint. But, they had to know that what they were doing wasn’t helping. Right? I mean, come on! They were pressing themselves against one another! I don’t know when the hell their pseudo-relationship took a shift into the physical realm. But they needed to keep it behind closed doors.

Just be happy for them, Rae. They were happy for you.

Sushi was for dinner, but guilt was dessert. And instead of saying something to the two of them, I just let them roam. I didn’t interject into their conversations and I turned my head every time they kissed one another. Because I knew I felt this way out of anger. And jealousy. Out of not having Clint in my life anymore.

Maybe they’ll leave you, too. Now that they have one another.

Dinner wrapped up and I didn’t fight Michael when he paid. I peeled away from the two of them to head outside. Because I wanted to get on my bike and go for a ride. I wanted to work off my anger. Work off my frustration. Ride around until D.J. was thrown off a bridge.

But I didn’t see my bike on the sidewalk.

“Where’s your bike?”

Michael’s voice made me want to strangle him, for some reason.

“Uh oh. Should we call the police?”

Allison’s voice grated on my ears as I stood there.

“You need a ride home?”

“Tell us what to do and we can get it done.”

“Seriously, Rae. What do you need right now? Because we’re here for you.”

Yeah, when you aren’t making out over dinner. “I just need a ride home.”

Michael nodded. “I can do that.”

I leaned my head against the glass of his backseat window. Allison took Michael’s hand from across the console, their fingers laced together. Silent tears brewed behind my eyes. With every blink, they threatened to pour out. As if I hadn’t already cried until my voice was hoarse over some asshole who didn’t give a shit about me. They pulled into my driveway and I didn’t bother looking to see if D.J.’s car was there. I just hopped out, happy to be out of their orbit so they could go fuck and get it over with already.

Allison rolled her window down. “If you need anything, call me. Okay?”

I nodded. “Will do.”

“Promise?”

I sighed. “Yep. I promise.”

“Same goes for me.”

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