“Are you sure? Because seconds ago you said that you couldn't breathe when you were around me, and now you're denying it.” My face tightened to hold back a flood of tears.
Sebastian didn't say anything else. He bent down and picked his jacket up, shrugging it over his shoulders as he turned his back to me and strutted away down the corridor.
“You can't just act like an ass and push everyone in your life away every time you get scared!” I yelled after him, but he didn't look back.
Once he was gone, I broke down, collapsing to the floor ina pile of fabric, where I pulled my knees to my chest and sobbed.
I had a brief taste of what I could only imagine life beyond the veil was like, just for it to disintegrate moments later. My body trembled uncontrollably as I mourned the one person who I’d come to need more than anyone.
He felt the same way about me—I knew he did. It was impossible to kiss someone that passionately if you didn't feel deeply for them. I knew him better than he'd like to admit, and he was scared. He felt like he didn't deserve this and was letting those thoughts get in the way of him being happy.
Someone cleared their throat from my side. My head jumped up to see Sawyer standing at the end of the hall.
“Oh gods, please tell me you didn't see any of that,” I groaned, tears still spilling from me. My throat burned at the thought of him seeing what Sebastian and I just did. However the feeling faded quickly as my sorrow was too fierce to stay away.
“No. But I heard you yelling from down the hall, so I put two and two together.” Sawyer crouched down by my side. He put an arm around me and pulled me into him, allowing my tears, which fell so vigorously that they could have been mistaken for a river flowing rampant during a storm, to soak into his shirt.
“Did you hear everything?” I managed to get out through my sniffling.
Sawyer sighed deeply. “Yeah, Willawood, I did.”
“I don't know what I did wrong,” I cried into his shoulder.
“You didn't do anything wrong. That's just…Seb. He refuses to see the good in himself.” Sawyer reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed his handkerchief, offering it to me.
I used it to wipe my eyes, though the tears didn't cease. “Why won't he let anyone in? Why can't he let himself be happy?”
“Wish I knew.”
“It's not fair,” I muttered. “To either of us.”
Sawyer squeezed me a little tighter. “No, it's not.”
“He's an asshole.”
He chuckled softly. “Sometimes, yeah.”
I cried until I was so exhausted that my eyes wouldn’t stay open. Sawyer didn't leave my side, and I was almost asleep against the cool rock of the corridor by the time he convinced me to go back to my room.
He pulled me to my feet and walked with me back to the soldiers’ housing, leaving me once I was in the safety of my room.
I stripped out of my gown and threw myself onto my bed, where I stuffed my head into a pillow and released my anguish into more tears. I sobbed until the fabric was soaked and I had fallen asleep to the sound of my own heartache.
Though I doubtedhe would have had the guts to show up anyways, I decided to blow off my wielding session with Sebastian the next day. I couldn't be near him. In fact, before Sawyer left last night I asked him if he would take over my one-on-one sessions. I knew that this meant I'd no longer have off days for wielding, but I'd prefer being weak and defeated over having to face Sebastian.
I spent the day tucked away in the privacy of my room, planning to study Blythe’s prophecy while fighting the melancholy that had me in a chokehold. Stationed at my desk, I read over the crumpled parchment holding the words that granted me so much uncertainty.
The mortal will have the ability to reclaim tranquility and restore the balance of the world.
How could I restore the balance of the world when I could barely compel someone to flick a lamp on without walking the line of blacking out?
At a time unknown, this soul will be presented with an unparalleled dominance in return for a sacrifice.
I read the words over and over, attempting to decipher what it could possibly indicate. Eventually too frustrated to continue, I stuffed the page back into the drawer of my desk. I'd have to check the archives again to see if there was another manuscript that could help me.
I jotted a quick journal entry then slid my chair back and rose to my feet. I took a shower, attempting to wash away the feel of Sebastian's hands as they explored my skin, though his touch was a feeling I didn't think I could ever forget.
Cheeks puffed out with a sigh, I glanced at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and itchy, the skin around them inflamed from crying.
