Exhausted did not come anywhere near explaining how I felt.
Two months of training without a day off had left me completely beaten down. I knew Sawyer went hard when he trained, but having sessions with him for weeks on end might result in the death of me.
The risky pattern was worth it if it meant that I could continue avoiding Sebastian. I hadn't spoken to him since the gala. He'd tried to talk to me a few times, the most recent being after my last meeting with King Hawthorne, but each time I pretended not to hear him and gave him the cold shoulder.
Without him as my escort, I hadn't seen Sebastian much except for my meetings and occasionally at meals. He seemed to be keeping to himself.Good.
I'd been trying to ignore my feelings for him, hoping that they'd vanish as quickly as our kiss did. However they stuck around, refusing to relinquish me from the weight they put on my soul.
“One more go around, Willawood?” Sawyer circled me on the mat.
We'd been multitasking by training my combat skills and wielding together, practicing what it would be like to combine the two in the field. I hoped I’d never have to, but considering King Hawthorne damned me to a life of soldier-hood, it was only a matter of time before practice turned to reality. I preferred training this way though—I didn't have to wake up as early.
I took my stance across from Sawyer, holding a practice dagger in my hand and waiting for him to make the first move. I blinked, and when my eyes opened, he was directly in front of me.
My heart raced as I lifted my arm to block his punch aimed at my side. The deflect was successful, and I twisted my body to position myself behind him.
My attempts in compelling him to release his dagger had failed all night. Though it seemed simple, the command was easier said than done when someone was trying to beat the crap out of you. With the added pressure of our battle, I'd been unable to focus on the command long enough for him to fulfill it.
I kicked my foot into the back of his leg, causing him to stumble and fall down on a knee. He caught himself before fully hitting the ground, cursing as he tried to regain his footing. While he was down, I concentrated on finding a district of peace in my mind, then tried my command on him again.
“Damn it,” I murmured, failing yet again. Sawyer’s mental shields were not nearly as strong as Sebastian’s, and I was usually able to break through them if I tried hard enough.
“Not doing so hot tonight, Willawood,” Sawyer taunted from his end of the mat.
I was already pretty much spent and eager to get this session over with, but Sawyer said he wouldn't set me free until my command was successful.
“Shut up,” I replied, and as he repositioned himself, I came up with my battle tactic.
With my fist clenched around my dagger, I pointed it towards his chest and charged at him. He expected me to aim for his sternum as I had been, but I veered to the side to throw him off. Before he could twist his torso towards me, I was behind him once again, my arm hooked around his neck in a choke hold.
“Drop your dagger.” My jewels pricked my skin as my magic coursed through my veins. I held on tightly to the compulsion, but my magic began to waver as Sawyer’s shield fought it off.
I bit back a wince as he jutted his elbow back under my ribs. He wriggled his body to release himself from my hold, but I dropped my own dagger and wrapped my other arm around his waist, tightening my hold on him. He was much larger than me, but I had him in a position that would make it hard for anyone to get out of.
“Drop your dagger.” My face stung with the words as they left my lips with force. I could feel my magic breaking through his shields, right before there was a release of pressure in my mind.
Sawyer’s hand unclenched, and the dagger fell to the ground with a clang.
I smiled down at the glinting blade, then released my grip on him. My legs wobbled as I backed off the mat. This session took more out of me than I expected it would.
Sawyer wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt. “Hell yeah. Nice job.”
I gave him the thumbs up as I hunched over, clasping my knees and gasping to catch a hold of my breathing. Darkness blocked my vision when I stood upright, my blood pressure plummeting. I paused to let it subside, but it only passed to be replaced by a headache so intense that I thought I might vomit.
I swiftly packed up my rucksack, needing to get back to my room as soon as possible.
The sky was black as death when we left the arena. I thanked the stars for not shining tonight and allowing me to hide the pallor of my skin. The temperature had begun to warm in preparation for early spring, making for a more pleasant walk than a few weeks back.
I followed Sawyer back to the castle and into the soldiers’ corridor. His room was on the floor below me, so we parted ways when we entered the building. I gripped the railing tightly while climbing the stairs in the event my vision failed me again. What a pitiful death that would be—tumbling down two flights.
My shaking hands struggled to unlock my door, but when the lock clicked free, I tossed a hand over my mouth and raced for the washroom. I threw up—as I had almost every night for the past month and a half. Harnessing my magic daily had caught up with me very shortly after I began training with Sawyer.
When the heaving ceased, I washed the sweat from my skin with a cool shower. I learned the hard way to avoid hot water after wielding. Last week after one of our sessions, I collapsed in the shower, only to wake up an hour later with a large bruise on my ass and no recollection of what had happened.
I dried off in a plush towel, not ignoring how the fabric now wrapped around me almost twice. I'd been getting sick so often that I'd been losing weight. Eating had become difficult as well. The more I ate, the more I threw up later on, making it hard to stomach much food.
I moved the towel to my hair, wrapping it around the brittle strands that had yet to fall out. My waves had thinned significantly, but tying it into a braid prevented anyone from noticing.
