Page 46 of Hockey Nanny

Carissa looked from me to Marlena. “A trip?”

“Please, don’t,” I groaned.

But I should’ve known better than to think what I wanted held any kind of weight. Marlena sat down and patted the empty space beside her. Carissa hesitated, but once she realized what the book was about, her eyes danced with delight and she slid in beside her.

“This is so unnecessary,” I said, taking a seat opposite them.

Marlena held up a finger to silence me, already paging to the first array of newspaper clippings. The book was bursting with more of the same—her carefully curated archive that spanned my career from as early as junior leagues. Decades-old headlines, and grainy photos that showcased my goofy hair.

“Your tooth!” Carissa exclaimed, then burst out laughing. They’d paged to the clipping of my first big title win. I was front and center, grinning wide with one tooth missing.

“It was a rough game.” I took an extra-long sip of my beer to disguise the heat coloring my face.

“Look at this one.” Marlena was a woman on a mission, but I couldn’t be mad about it. There was nothing but love and pride in her voice as she took Carissa on a trip down memory lane.

“Aw, baby Dawson,” she said, tracing a picture with the lightest touch. “You look so… young.”

“I was.”

Her smile softened. “I meant happy. You look happy.”

I swallowed hard. I was grateful for coming up the way I did, but I didn’t spend too much time dwelling on what it was like. There was too much to think about now. Too much at stake to bother with ‘happy’. But that was something I couldn’t explain. You either got it, or you didn’t.

“She’s right,” Marlena said.

I took another sip. “Nasty habit of hers. Can’t say I’m crazy about it.”

Their laughter lifted the weight in my gut, and the mood shifted. Thankfully. I continued watching them gush over my past, taking the side commentary with as much grace as I could manage.

“Here… This is my favorite.” Marlena flattened the yellowed pages with both her hands as she pointed out the biggest photo in the spread. “The day he got his jersey. Look at that face.”

“Handsome, right?”

But she ignored me, and went on. “For years I had to listen to him go on and on about how he was going to play for the Golden Knights one day. ‘I’m gonna be a Knight, Mar. Just you wait.’”

“You never said I was wrong,” I quipped.

“Because I never thought you were,” she replied without missing a beat. “I saw the heart in you, and knew you could do anything you put your mind to.”

This time when Carissa looked at me, her eyes held the shadow of something I hadn’t seen before. A haze that made them sparkle in the dim yellow light of the bar.

“He’s still all heart,” she said softly, almost to herself. “Even though he tries to hide it.”

Marlena nudged her with an elbow. “We know better, don’t we?”

“Are you two about finished with all this?” I waved my empty beer bottle. “Some of us are working up a thirst listening to you go on and on about days gone by.”

Not exactly the most subtle of hints, but it did the job. Marlena eased out of the booth with a sigh, and took her book of memories with her. “Another round coming up.”

Another song started. Slower. Carissa rested her chin on her hands and gazed at me across the table, unreadable thoughts streaming behind her eyes.

“I bet you’re relieved to exist in my good-hair era.”

She didn’t laugh, but her smile didn’t waver either. “Pressure changes things. I get it.”

“Yeah.”

“Not wanting to disappoint anyone. The weird guilt that comes with wanting more…”