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“A moment with you first,” Queen Sunniva said pointedly to Branford. He glanced from her to me and back again.
“Of course,” he replied with his tone questioning. “Alexandra, I will join you shortly.”
I could only nod and walk away with trepidation in my heart, knowing full well of what our queen wished to speak. I walked slowly back to our rooms down the hall, noting Dunstan’s presence not far behind me and offering him a half smile and a nod. I closed the door as I entered and leaned back against it for a moment as I tried to rein in the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.
Sunniva was telling Branford what I had revealed to her.
Edgar had threatened me personally with grave harm.
Camden was dying.
I wiped at my cheek with the back of my hand and steeled myself against my thoughts as I performed mundane tasks to avoid such thinking. It would serve me no purpose now. I put a kettle of water next to the fire so I could make Branford’s tea when he returned and perhaps even shave him if he so desired.
I wished Amarra’s pups were old enough to leave her so she could return to our room. I missed her constant presence here. I brushed away the hair that had collected on her cushion, and fluffed it up before placing it back on its low platform.
I sipped my own tea, presumably prepared by Janet. It was cold from this morning and bitter tasting. However, I knew my monthly pains were greatly reduced by the drink, so I drank it down quickly before busying myself around our rooms. I straightened the linens on the bed and pulled together the pile of clothing near the changing screen so it could be collected and washed. By the time Branford returned, the rooms were nearly spotless.
I looked at him as he entered the room and closed the door softly behind him. His gaze was downcast and his pace slow as he crossed the room. He did not meet my eyes, and I felt the same feeling of near dread as he took my hand and pulled me away from the fire. He positioned me in the center of the room and released my hand. As he had years ago, Branford slowly lowered himself to his knees before me.
“Alexandra…” he started to say, but his voice faltered. He looked at the ground, then back to me again before he swallowed hard and continued. “I never…I did not understand…”
His eyes widened as he stared up into my face, and I saw his tongue dart out to moisten his lips.
“Did not understand what?” I asked in a whisper.
“What you need from me,” he replied. “I think constantly of your needs, but I only understand…I know what your body needs. I provide for you—make sure you are protected. It is all that has crossed my mind these months—what I must do to protect you!”
His eyes beseeched me, and I brought my hand to cover my mouth at the pain I saw there. I tried to reach for him, but he would not accept my touch.
“I thought…I thought you must hate the sight of me…” He reached up and gripped his hair with his hands and dropped himself back to sit upon his heels.
I started to reach for him again but stopped as he stared at me.
“No,” he then said, and shook his head rapidly. “That is not true. I hated myself for what I had done. I could not bear to look at your face because…because…”
He shook his head violently as he shoved himself up from his position on the ground and walked away, slamming a fist into the wall. I cringed and closed my eyes, waiting for his anger to subside.
“Because I was afraid!” Branford finally cried as he turned back around to face me. “I was afraid of what I would see! Afraid to see the loathing I feel for myself reflected in your beautiful eyes.”
He dropped his hands, and his arms hung loosely at his sides.
“I am a coward,” he whispered.
“Branford…no.” I took a step toward him.
“I am,” he said. “I’m a coward and an idiot. Alexandra, please…hear me out.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and nodded.
“I have hurt you,” he stated. “It was not my intent, yet it happened anyway.
“You barely spoke to me,” I replied as I turned my head and closed my eyes tightly.
“You would not have wanted me here,” he said quietly. “I have been…”
He stopped and sighed heavily, approached me, and dropped back to his knees. I looked down to see him once again and reached out to touch his rough cheek.
“I wanted you here,” I said. He shook his head.
