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“I am…” Branford paused, and when my fingers brushed his face, I could feel his jaw clenched tightly. “I am afraid. Afraid for you. I brought you into my world to insult King Edgar, and insult him I have, but he does not intend to take the insult out on me and my army. He plans to take it out on you. I have put you in terrible danger out of arrogance and lust for revenge.”
He grasped his thighs as he looked up into my eyes.
“I never should have brought you here,” he whispered vehemently. “You are in peril, and it is my fault! I am to blame! How can you look at me, knowing I did this to you? Now that you know what he will do if I do not have an heir soon or if I refuse Whitney next month—he will not just…just kill you.”
He stopped speaking abruptly, and I could sense the pounding of his heart in his chest and see the panic in his eyes.
“I did not want you to hear him speak such things,” he said.
“He has said worse,” I said, presuming.
“He has.” I saw and felt his anger blaze in his eyes. “I will not allow you to be touched, my wife. I would…I would sacrifice my kingdom before I would allow that to happen.”
“Branford, you cannot—”
“I can!” His eyes blazed. “I would sacrifice all of them before I would let him touch you!”
He closed his eyes and tightened his hands into fists against his legs. He took several breaths before he looked up at me again.
“And I will protect you,” he repeated. “Though my mistakes have been many, still I have not failed you in regard to your physical safety, for at least this is something I understand.”
He looked away again, trying to gather his thoughts.
“But what Sunniva told me…the ways I have failed you that I did not even consider…”
I wanted to reach out to him, for I hated seeing him like this in front of me. It was not his place. He should kneel to no one. I wanted to tell him as much, but as he looked at me, he again begged me with his eyes.
“I was hiding from myself, Alexandra,” he said,” not from you.”
I shook my head, not understanding.
“I did not even think that you might feel that way,” he said. “When Sunniva told me, it was clear, but I do not know of these things. I know how to provide and protect you; I do not know how to make sure you are happy. I only knew I was miserable, and if I was near you, I thought I would make you miserable as well.”
“I wanted to be there for you,” I whispered. “I knew it would be difficult…for us both…but you would not give me the chance to comfort you.”
“Why would you want to?” he asked. All of his anger was gone. There was only pain and confusion left. “It was my choices—my war—that brought us to this. Why would you offer me comfort?”
“You are my husband,” I whispered and felt my tears fall.
“But I caused this,” he said again. “I thought it would be better for you…”
He shook his head again.
“I am still lying to myself,” he muttered. “It was better for me, so I did not have to see in your eyes what you thought of me and what I have done. I have practically delivered Silverhelm to Edgar on a silver platter with my selfish desires.”
“You didn’t know,” I said to him. “His armies came from nowhere.”
Branford’s gaze darted to mine and then over to the door. He seemed about to say something and then silenced himself. He reached out, and I placed my hand in his.
“Alexandra, please forgive me for being so utterly ignorant,” he said. “I did not think how my actions would appear to you or understand that it is not only your body I must provide for but also your mind and heart.”
“Branford…”
He stood slowly then and took my face between his palms.
“I love you so much, my wife,” he told me. “I never stopped—I swear it! I am just a stupid, violent, and selfish man who did not know what you needed and did not bother to ask. I should have known. I should have asked, but I did not. Can you ever, ever forgive me?”
I stared into his glowing green eyes and felt the weight and truth of his words as they flowed over me. I did not need his apology. Just knowing that he was not lost to me was all I really needed, and I told him so.
