Page 2 of One Filthy Kiss

I know how badly Nikki wants this. She has wanted it since she was five-and-a-half and starred as Snow White in her first school Christmas production. She could act then—the teachers recognized it and cast her in every production thereafter—and she can act now. But being talented has never been enough to land her the break she so desperately craves.

Until now.

“Nik, you don’t need makeup to make you look gorgeous because you’re already beautiful.”

Nikki’s eyes grow large with tears. “Ah, don’t make me cry, or they’ll force me to sit through that torture all over again.” She dabs at the corners of her eyes with her fingertips.

“Sorry.” I study her face.

Her eyes keep darting back and forth between me and the set which has been designed to look like the inside of a diner like the one fromGreasewith black-and-white checkered floor covering and chrome stools with red padded seats. Some extras are already in place in the booths, and I keep expecting a John Travolta lookalike to appear any moment now and start singing ‘Sandy’ while he combs back his gelled quiff.

Nikki is nervous—understandably—there’s a lot riding on this. It’s her first trip to LA, and she doesn’t want to blow it.

So, I do what best friends always do.

I remind her of her favorite Audrey Hepburn quote. “Beauty is being the best possible version of yourself, inside and out, remember. You have nothing to worry about, Nik. You could’ve gone on set without a scrap of makeup and everyone else would see what I’ve seen every day of my life.”

Nikki nods once, then she leans down and kisses the top of Amber’s head. “Have you and your sister been watching cheesy Hallmark movies in the middle of the year again?”

“No.” Amber peers up at me to check that she gave the right answer, and I smile.

“Nikki, you’re on.” A wiry young woman wearing an open-necked shirt, black-rimmed spectacles, and a headset comes up behind Nikki and gestures to the set.

“Eek!” Nikki swallows hard. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it. But good luck.”

I watch her follow the woman onto the set and take her position in front of the diner counter with a notepad in her hand and a pencil tucked behind her ear.

Her role is a small one. She’s playing the part of a young woman who escaped a toxic relationship in the UK and ended up in a small town in America’s midwest, where she changed her name and started a new life. This scene involves one of the main characters, a young Black guy who is engaged to be married to his childhood sweetheart but has realized that he is in love with the shy waitress in the local diner.

My pulse races. I could never be an actor; I get nervous just watching Nikki whenever she’s on stage. But one glance at her face all lit up when she sees her love interest, and I know my anxiety is misplaced. She’s a natural. I just pray that this role will open up the kind of doors that she wants to walk through.

“So, what do you think?” I lean down and whisper to Amber before the cameras start rolling.

I know that we’re not supposed to be here, but somehow, Nikki pulled a few strings to get us studio passes. I’m glad that she did. This is an experience that Amber and I will never forget.

“I want to be an actor when I grow up.” Amber’s smile melts my heart as she yawns, and tired tears make her eyes grow huge.

One day, I’ll have to tell her what happened to our mom, so that she can make up her own mind about what to do with the information. But for now, I smile and encourage her to be whatever she wants to be. I won’t be the one to take her dreams away from her. There are plenty of other people out there who will try to knock her down as she gets older; all I can do is teach her to fight back.

“You’ll be an amazing actor, Amber.”

“Like Auntie Nikki?” Her wide brown eyes lock onto mine.

So innocent. So filled with hopes and dreams and curiosity that I wish I could escape to a deserted island with her and spend the rest of our lives off-grid. Knowing that, one day, I’ll have to let her go, already fills me with a sickly sense of dread. Which is why we do everything together. It’s what our mom would’ve wanted.

Nurture over nature.

“Three… Two… One… Action.” The clapperboard sounds, jolting me back to the moment.

I straighten. Aside from the fact that I can’t believe they use a real-live clapperboard just like in the movies, my best friend never fails to impress me when she’s in character. I spend far too much time in my own head to ever pretend to be someone else convincingly.

My lips stretch into such a wide smile as I watch the cameras move in on Nikki and Arthur, her co-star, that my cheeks are already aching. Nikki falters when she sees him, does a double-take, and her eyes gleam when they meet his.

They actually fucking gleam.

I mean, how do actors do this? How do they look at someone who they know is pretending to be someone else and make their eyes shine with love and affection? I’m not sure I could ever pull it off, getting so in-character that I end up believing everything I say. Even the script has been written by someone else for God’s sake.