“Come on, girl, up!” Clementine jumped right into the rear of the SUV and made herself comfortable in the far corner. Then Lily-Grace took Jesse’s hand and pulled him down to sit beside her. She grabbed her phone and a second later Sade came floating through the speakers.
“What’s on your mind, hot stuff?” she said as she gave his shoulder a nudge.
Jesse couldn’t help but laugh. “Sexy daddy. Hot stuff. You’re really trying to give me a big head.”
“Nope, not gonna say it. That’s too easy.”
Jesse sighed as he picked up Lily-Grace’s hand and held it between both of his. She moved closer and put her head on his shoulder. This was nice. He looked forward to being back in bed together, but he wanted this too. He needed it.
“How do you feel about kids?” he asked her.
“My, Mr. Pleasant. You sure do move fast!” She laughed.
“I’m serious.”
“I love the idea of kids. I hope to have a few someday via surrogate. I will not be openingthisbaby factory for occupants,” she said, patting her stomach.
“Hmmm.” He wanted kids too, he just realized he didn’t care how they arrived. “Good to know.”
“What’s got you thinking about babies?”
“I’m just thinking about my life. Thinking about what I want. I’m not going to run for office. I’m turning it down.” He told her about the situation with Golden Gulch and how that gave him the light-bulb moment he needed. “I have a good feeling about it. I think Zach and I are ready for this.”
“That’s amazing. It sounds like a busy day, but a good day. What’s got you so down?”
“I got to thedaddy doesn’t love meportion of therapy today.”
“Oh! It goes well withwhy can’t I have a mom like the other girls at campmoment. What did your therapist say?”
“He asked if I could tell Senior how I feel.”
“Can you?”
“Baby steps. I’m just learning to channel my rage. Productive conversations with your parents about how they fucked you up is more a level-two move.”
“What’s the best-case scenario? If you did talk to him.”
Jesse had pictured it, anytime his brothers had a problem or Lilah raged about her own dad. What would be different if Senior was someone Jesse felt he could rely on? Every time, the picture dissolved into a memory of his grandfather’s smile, and then reality swooped back in and took its place. Senior had made his decision and his decision was to leave.
“Honestly. I don’t know.”
“Well, look, you’ve made epic strides in the department of man tackles emotions, so I think you can cut yourself a little slack here. You are definitely not the first person to have complicated relationships with their parents.”
“True. Enough about us Pleasants. How was your day?”
“Oh, you know, using the fact that I had the best sex of my life last night to distract from the fact that I need to make some big decisions pretty soon.”
Now that he knew a career in Washington was off the table, he hoped Lily-Grace would stick around, but he understood if she couldn’t. Charming was growing, but it was still small in comparison to San Francisco. She clearly needed a break, but he could see her getting bored here by the middle of the summer. He wouldn’t dwell on that though. They were together now.
“People keep reaching out to me to see if I’m available for this and that. Consulting gigs, investment opportunities, I’m just—”
Jesse looked over at her as she let out a watery laugh. He put his arm around her and held her tight. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m afraid. Part of me feels like I need to go back and kick in the doors at Ulway, but part of me just wants to give up and hide. I mean, being harassed was super fun and all, but I keep thinking about how much I’ve never actually enjoyed any of my jobs, any of my projects. I enjoyed the thrill of being ahead of the curve in terms of where tech was heading. I really enjoyed the money I made, but I don’t want to go back to that world, and that scares me. I feel like I failed, like I thought I was tough enough to power through the heartless aspects of it.
“And I’m ashamed too. I know I worked with some shitty people and I should have walked away sooner or done something.”
“I’m trying to picture you as some sort of Silicon Valley Batman. Righting the wrongs of the tech world.”
