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Damn him for making me love him a little more as he got out of the classic car and came around the front. I took a small step closer and he shot me that grin that never failed to make my legs turn to the consistency of a melting popsicle. Hawk opened the passenger door for me, winking down at me without saying a word as I got into the car.
Damn me for wanting something so much even though I knew he would never see me as more than the girl he’d saved from being raped. He treated me like I was fragile, like I would break at the slightest gust of wind. But he had no clue that I was much stronger than anyone had ever given me credit for. The only thing that could really break me was now sitting beside me in the driver’s seat. And if I wasn’t careful he would not only break me, but shatter me into a billion pieces that would never fit back together.
“How was your day, sweetheart?” he asked as he pulled out onto the highway and drove in the direction of the house. “Do your feet hurt?”
“Not too badly,” I lied. If I told him the truth—that my feet not only hurt, but also that I was sure that I had a few blisters—it would just give him more ammunition in his attempts to convince me to quit.
His brows lifted and he gave me a long, assessing look before turning his gaze back to the road. “What about your back? Carrying all those heavy dishes all day must have made it sore.”
I shrugged, turning my own gaze out my window and gazing at the dimming sun in the distance. “It’s okay. Nothing that won’t get worked out in a few days. I just have to get used to it. I had fun though, and I got some really good tips. I can even pay Raven for groceries.”
Hawk clenched his jaw, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he drove on. He didn’t say another word until he pulled into the driveway at home. I started to reach for the door handle, ready to get up to our room and take a long hot shower and down a few Tylenol. Before I could get the door open, he grasped my hands and examined them.
“What are you doing?” I demanded and winced when he rubbed his thumb over a sore spot. I realized I not only had blisters on my feet, but on my hands too. When had I gotten those?
“Your hands are already starting to get beat up.” His voice was rough, his eyes dark. “They were so soft. I want them to stay that way, Gracie. I love how they rub over my chest when you cuddle against me at night. They feel like silk as they drift over my stomach and then lie over my heart all night long.”
I pulled them back from him fast, feeling like he’d just punched me in the heart. “So if they are work-worn and callused you wouldn’t want me to touch you?” I asked in a voice that sounded brittle to my ears. I swallowed the hurt-filled lump of tears stuck in my throat and reached for the handle again. “Sorry, you won’t have to worry about it happening. I’ll make sure I don’t cuddle you in my sleep anymore. Wouldn’t want my beat-up hands disgusting you or anything. And since I’ve got a second job now, I won’t have to share your bed for more than a few more weeks at the most.”
“Gracie, that’s not…”
Whatever he was saying was cut off when I stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind me. “Gracie,” he called after me as he got out and hurried behind me. “Gracie, I didn’t mean it like that. I… Wait. What do you mean you have a second job? What the hell kind of other job could you have gotten while working all day at that damn diner?”
We were in the house now, in the kitchen. I went straight to the fridge and got a bottle of water, thankful that no one else seemed to be around. The driveway had been empty of any bikes except for Hawk’s, but Raven’s car had been out there so I knew that she and Lexa were either in the living room or upstairs.
“Jack offered me a job after you left earlier. He said I would be answering the phone, doing office work.” I opened my water and took a long thirsty swallow, trying to swallow the pain that was still making my chest clench. “It’s probably just something he made up on the fly, but he offered me triple what I would make at Aggie’s. As much as I don’t want to be around him, I need the money more. So I start tomorrow.”
“That’s good. I’m glad. You won’t have to work at Aggie’s, then.” He sounded relieved.
“No,” I told him as I turned to face him, refusing to meet his gaze directly. I didn’t even know that I touched him in my sleep, damn it. Now that my hands were covered in blisters and would be rough and unattractive, he didn’t want them on him at all. Fine. I would make sure that I stayed on my side of the bed all night long and not touch him ever again.
“No?” His eyes narrowed and I had to admit that I was starting to hate that look. He was intimidating like that, but I refused to be intimidated.
“No,” I repeated. “I’ll still be working at Aggie’s. I asked her for the evening shift and she said it was fine. That I’d learned everything faster than almost anyone else helped, and the dinner rush would be a better fit for me.”
“So you’re going to work all day at the garage, then all evening at Aggie’s too?” he demanded. “You’re going to be exhausted. You’ll kill yourself with that kind of schedule. And what about school? Are you going to work both and still go to classes?”
“Of course not. I’ll work both until I have enough to get my own place. Then when school starts, I’ll quit one so that I can go to my classes.” I would probably quit the garage. I didn’t care how good the money turned out to be; once I had enough I was getting as far away from Jack Riley as fast as possible.
Hawk muttered a bunch of curses under his breath, probably thinking that I couldn’t hear him. I rolled my eyes and watched as he scrubbed his big hands up over his face and raked his fingers through his hair. He needed a haircut, I decided. If he was going to find faults in me then I was going to start making a list of his. Maybe then I wouldn’t want him so fudging bad.
Giving him a quick once-over I took note of the things that I didn’t like about him and started a mental list. Number one: Hair. Too shaggy. Number two: …
Well, it would take more than a quick glance to find the things I didn’t like about him. I’d add to it later, I promised myself.
“Why are you so set on moving out?” Hawk asked in a gravelly voice, his forehead furrowed as he studied me, those green eyes trying to pierce into my soul. “Don’t you like it here, Gracie? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome? What? Just tell me and I’ll take care of it. You belong here, sweetheart.”
I lowered my eyes, not wanting to let him see how much I was affected by what he had just said. I wished so much that it was true, that I did belong there. But I didn’t. “No one has made me feel unwelcome. You’ve all be so nice, so great. I honestly don’t understand how you all can take a complete stranger into your house like you’ve done with me. I’m thankful for it, though. So very thankful.” I bit my lip and forced myself to lift my eyes to meet his. “But I can’t keep living here. I can’t continue to sleep in your bed night after night.”
I watched as he swallowed hard and took a huge step closer to me. He was only a foot away now, and his eyes darkened even more before they became expressionless, as if he were hiding what he was feeling from me. “Why?” he breathed.
I clenched my jaw, not wanting to lay my feelings bare to him, but unable to lie to him. “Because it is slowly killing me…” I stopped and shook my head. “No, that’s a lie. It’s quickly killing me.” Taking a deep breath I rushed on, knowing if I didn’t say this now, I probably never would. “I sleep in your bed, and some nights you come home from work and wrap me up in your arms. It makes me feel so safe and so cherished, Hawk. It makes me so damn confused because there are other nights when you come home and I smell them on you. I can smell their perfume mixed with your sweat and all those other smells you carry home from the bar.” My hands clenched around the bottle of water, trying to keep them from trembling as I met his gaze boldly. “And those are the nights that I can’t breathe for the pain and the jealousy that eat up my insides like cancer.”
Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them back, making it hard to see him for a moment. “If I don’t leave soon there will be nothing left of me. My heart will be just a crushed-up stone in my chest. I c-care about you, Hawk. But I know that we are just friends. I’m okay with that because I know you can’t help that you don’t feel what I feel.”
“Gracie—” He started to take a step toward me, his face twisting with some emotion I couldn’t identify through my tear-flooded eyes. I raised my hands, stopping his words and, thankfully, his approach.
“No,” I dashed at a stupid tear as it spilled from my eyes and ran down my face. “No. I don’t want to hear. All I’m asking is that you let me continue working without giving me a hard time about it.”
