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On the outskirts of Five Lakes I sit under an oak tree that my brother Zeen helped create. My father and I have visited this site every day since I have come home. Today, I am here alone. In my hands is the Transit Communicator that Zeen once owned. The mate to this Communicator is buried next to him. Tears that I could not shed the night he died fall freely now that I am surrounded by reminders of him. The night of my graduation, we stood under an oak like this. On that night Zeen spoke to me the words that in the moments before he died he asked me to remember. Back then the two of us stood in the shadows together, both disappointed about our futures. Me, because I thought I hadn’t been chosen for The Testing. He, because he felt trapped by the boundaries of Five Lakes and the lack of recognition for what he had achieved. In that moment he told me, “Things don’t always work out the way we hope. You just have to pick yourself up and find a new direction to go in.”
Nothing about what has happened this past year has turned out the way I had dreamed of. Yet remembering Zeen’s words has given me comfort, and knowing he died to save my life has made me more determined to see that his sacrifice is never forgotten.
Above me, leaves rustle on the tree. Sunlight, bright and filled with hope, shines on the four grave markers beside me. Each etched with a symbol and a name so that the sacrifices of those who died will live in the memory of everyone from Five Lakes. Zeen Vale beneath two crossed lightning bolts. An arrow under the name Malachi Rourke. A stylized flower and the name Zandri Hicks. And Michal Gallen with the symbol of an anchor. He wasn’t from Five Lakes, but I insisted he be i
ncluded. Honored for the help he gave and the sacrifice he made. Without him, change would not have come. And there has been change.
Three weeks have passed since that night in The Testing Center. I spent much of that time in the University Medical building getting treatment, talking to Enzo, who is still in the early stages of the healing process, sitting with Tomas, and watching Raffe through a window as he fought for his life. The medical team is amazed that Raffe has survived this long and that each day his vital signs get stronger. Caught in the blast that was meant to kill Symon, Raffe is determined to live. And now he has an even larger reason to fight for his life.
The president stood by her word. Three days after that night in The Testing Center, I accompanied her and her team to Decatur Colony. Since Tomas is not part of the president’s staff, he was not allowed to join us. I’m glad, because I am uncertain how he would have handled what we found there. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t a community twice the size of Five Lakes Colony with medical facilities more advanced than any I’d seen in Tosu City located on the outskirts of the colony. But unlike those wards, these contained patients in various stages of chemically induced mutations. Not as many as I would have thought, considering the number of Redirected students sent here every year. Four in each of the five stages being studied. Two male. Two female. Those in the worst stages arched their backs and extended their claws as researchers stood behind glass walls, taking notes. When I asked, I learned why there are so few. The others deemed beyond help were turned out onto The Testing grounds to mingle with the mutations that were created by war instead of by this lab.
The scars on my arm tingled as I stared into their eyes and wondered if these patients knew the mutated humans I shot during the fourth test. I wish I knew their names, but the newly appointed head of Decatur Colony’s research team, Dreu Owens, does not know the identities of those I killed or whether they were research subjects or natural mutations like the ones scientists are hoping eventually to treat and cure. Dreu told me that after being assigned to Decatur Colony, he wanted to leave when he realized most residents and test subjects were former Testing candidates and Redirected University students. But he didn’t because, now that he understands the work being done, he can’t leave behind those who suffered. Not if there is a chance of curing them. And from the partially cured human and animal mutations Dreu showed us, I believe there really may be a chance.
But not if those in charge continue the practices that have been employed up till now. Because while many former candidates and students are content to be working in labs and helping to discover a cure, there are others who are bitter and angry. Who believe that the methods being used are wrong and who live in fear that they might be chosen as the next subject for experimentation. Dreu has already announced that he will limit research to subjects who have already suffered mutations and that those who are unhappy in their current work will be able to request a transfer to another project.
Over the president’s objections, I insisted on taking two Decatur Colony residents with me—Raffe’s sister Emilie and Will’s twin brother, Gil. Both had been assigned to work in the labs and seem to be undamaged. It appears they had escaped scientific testing. After seeing what they could have been faced with, I am glad they are untouched. Both have been reunited with their brothers. The smile I saw on Will’s face was the same one I remember him wearing the first time we met. He and Gil exchanged jokes and finished each other’s sentences as if they’d never been apart. Seeing their happiness made me hold back the questions I will someday ask. About Dr. Barnes. The bullet holes. The credit Will gave me. But even without hearing the answers, I can see the truth when Will’s smile fades and he thinks no one is watching. He is living with the memories of what he has done. Something his brother and Emilie do not have to do.
All memory of the time spent in Decatur Colony has been removed from them. The president and her advisors believe limiting the memory of those who return from the colony and the public’s information about the research done there is essential to retaining peace. Another secret kept for the good of our country. When I consider the president’s logic, I cannot disagree. And yet, part of me wonders if we can ever truly learn from what we have done if we continue to suppress or erase the past.
And yet, there is hope that we have learned something. Last week, I watched from the Debate Chamber gallery as President Collindar kept her bargain with Dr. Barnes. Standing at the podium, looking out on a filled Chamber and observation area, the president announced the disbanding of the University selection process known as The Testing. Current University students will continue their education under the temporary direction of Professor Douglas Lee—head of Early Studies and professor of history. Meanwhile, the president and her office will work closely with the Education Department to create a new selection system for the University, one that will be the same for both Tosu City and colony students.
The city is buzzing about the traitor who killed Dr. Barnes, Professor Holt, Official Jefferies, and Professor Chen. I know now that only three of them should be dead. In the days following the attack and Dr. Barnes’s death, I learned that Professor Chen was pushing for a reevaluation of The Testing’s purpose and the method of selecting new students. Tomas and Stacia learned of Professor Chen’s true intent when they went to her house. Once she was restrained, Tomas wanted to leave but Stacia refused. A bullet at close range from Stacia’s gun killed Professor Chen. Stacia was determined to follow the president’s instructions. The United Commonwealth president was Stacia’s leader. Not me. Stacia died moments later. Tomas says it was self-defense. I have not pressed him. Perhaps because I can see the real answer in the shadows that fill his eyes. Maybe someday he will tell me why he killed Stacia, but I doubt it. In his mind, what happened is over. It is time to move on.
My name has not been mentioned in conjunction with Dr. Barnes’s death or the elimination of the others. Nor have the names of Tomas, Ian, Raffe, Stacia, and Will, though our friends from our former study group helped us create a marker decorated with the symbol Raffe created to honor Stacia. We placed it next to the one Professor Holt hung for Rawson. A fitting tribute, I hope, for a girl who wanted more than anything to be important. She and I might not have agreed on much in the end, but for better or worse, she was still my friend. I miss her.
Thanks to the president’s official version of events, I can go on with my life without anyone knowing about the task the president gave me and the choices I made. Tomas is grateful. I suppose I am, too, although I have already told the truth to my family around the same kitchen table where I learned how to divide and multiply. I notice my brothers no longer tease me as easily as they used to. My mother tries to pretend nothing is different, but I have seen her watching me. I know she wants me to be the same girl who left home, and I try my best to act like her, but we both know I am not. My father is the only one who truly understands. Perhaps because he too has been Tested.
I stand and look to the west. Far in the distance I see the current boundaries of Five Lakes Colony and the unrevitalized
area beyond. There is much good I can do here. I love being home, even though once again I am sleeping in front of the fireplace to avoid hearing my brothers’ snores. Magistrate Owens has already asked me for ideas about enhancing our communications with Tosu City and the other colonies as well as my thoughts on better ways to create and manage our colony’s power.
Tomas is happy because he has been offered a place on my father’s team. If he proves himself, he will be able to create a team of his own. Being home has lifted Tomas’s spirits. He’s more like the boy I knew before leaving for Tosu City. Surrounded by family, he’s begun to heal, though he too will never forget. Despite our not having graduated from the University, everyone here considers Tomas and me leaders. The opportunity we’ve been offered to help our colonies is exactly what we dreamed of when we hoped to be selected for The Testing. Tomas is eager to start working with my father, and to build our lives here.
I long to stay. To be happy.
But as much as I want to be with Tomas and my family, each day that passes convinces me that I cannot. Five Lakes is as wonderful as I remember. I will visit as often as I can and will always find peace here. I wish I could go back to who I was, but I’m different. This is my home, but it is no longer where I belong.
Holding the Transit Communicator tight to my chest, I slowly walk to town, where Tomas waits for me. I’m going to tell him that I have to go back. But he will know my choice the minute he sees the bracelet that circles my wrist. This is not the path I dreamed of while growing up, but it is the one have to walk. Because the only way to be sure The Testing we had to survive never happens again is not to trust our leaders. It is to be one of them.
I walk up the hill and into the square. Tomas stands near the fountain that sprays sparkling, clean water into the air. When he sees me, a smile filled with love spreads across his face. In his hands are daisies he must have picked on his way here. As I walk toward him, I smile back with all the love in my heart. Tomorrow I will return to Tosu City. I will move into a new room at the University and will complete my studies and my internship. I will tell Brick, Naomy, and Vic the truth behind what has happened. And when Enzo and Raffe recover, I will ask them all to help me keep watch over the president and our other leaders to ensure that nothing like The Testing ever happens again.
If I have to travel the path I have chosen alone, I will. But as Tomas’s mouth meets mine, I hope deep in my heart that he will understand the choice I have made and will once again make the journey to Tosu City with me. Because despite what I have learned and what I have done, I am still the girl from Five Lakes who wants to lead and help my country. And there is so much still for me to do.
TODAY IS THE DAY.
I lean against the trunk of a thin, healthy tree and watch the sun crest over the horizon. Thirty feet from where I sit, I can see where green grass meets cracked earth. Brown, scraggly plants. The twisted branches of trees that fight for life in the corrupted soil. An area where my father and his team have yet to ply their revitalization efforts. But they will. My father is hoping I’ll be here to help. I have different plans. Today will determine whether all of the studying, pushing myself to learn more, will pay off. It has to.
The wind catches the edges of the papers in my hand and pulls my focus back to where it belongs—study
ing. If I am selected for The Testing today, I need to be prepared. Being ranked first in my colony’s graduating class and being chosen to go to Tosu City will mean nothing if I am not prepared enough to pass The Testing and continue on to the University.
I touch the words on the cover of the booklet in my hands: THE TESTING PREPARATION GUIDE. A knot of guilt forms in my gut as I think about the head teacher of Five Lakes Colony, Mrs. Bryskim. Just yesterday she was saying how proud she was of me for graduating first. How proud my father must be to have his oldest take after him. I wonder if she’d express that same pride if she knew I stole this booklet out of her desk drawer?
Not that I wanted to. Stealing is not the Five Lakes way. But what choice did I have after Mrs. Bryskim refused to let me borrow it? I thought she understood how much I need to be chosen. To succeed. That I have to get out of Five Lakes colony and make my mark on the world. I don’t want to work for my father for the rest of my life. I need the chance to make my own mark on revitalizing our damaged world. To do that, I have to be selected for and pass The Testing. This booklet will help me grab hold of the future that is waiting for me.
I flip to the opening page and read the first question: Describe each of the Seven Stages of War.
