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Easy.
In my head I list the stages—the first four stages of man-made warfare that started on the other side of the globe and tore apart civilization as people knew it. Then the next three stages, when the earth, corrupted by radiation and biologically engineered weaponry, fought back. Windstorms. Tornadoes. Earthquakes. Hurricanes. Until finally the earth quieted and the rebuilding process could begin.
I smile as I consider how far we’ve come in more than a hundred years. Then I move on to the next question. Explain kinetic theory and write the formula that best explains how to determine the temperature of a gas. It isn’t a difficult question, but not as easy as the first. Pulling a piece of chalk and a black slate from my bag, I get to work. Though I would prefer to write on paper, I can’t. Not for this kind of practice. Paper is precious. In school, paper is used only for the most important tests. Once the test scores are determined, the paper is immediately sent off to Ames Colony for recycling. Trees are too precious to waste on frivolous things.
“Zeen.”
My head snaps up at the sound of my name coming from our dwelling’s kitchen window. “I’m out here, Mom,” I yell back, and go back to reading the next question.
“You’d better be in here in the next five minutes or you’ll be late for graduation.”
I start to yell that I have plenty of time, but then I notice the position of the sun in the sky. Damn. I shove my chalk, slate, and the booklet into my bag, sling it over my shoulder, and head for the house. I will have to study later. Mom is right. Graduation is important. I don’t want to be late.
My mother fusses over every detail. I let her even though the way she frets and fiddles makes me want to scream. No matter how I brush my hair, it’s not right. Finally, Mom takes over, which makes my brother Hamin snort with laughter. We’ll see how funny he finds it in two years when Mom does the same to him.
Finally, after more than an hour of buffing dirt and grime only my mother can see from my boots, and a lot of jokes from my twin brothers, Win and Hart, Mom declares me presentable. A glance in the reflector tells me she’s right. My blond hair is neatly swept back behind my ears. My chin is whisker-free. As I straighten the deep purple sleeve of my tunic, I smile. Purple. The ceremonial color of adulthood. I am a man.
As the rest of the family hurries to get ready, I pull the booklet from my bag and take a seat at the scarred oak kitchen table, hoping there is time for just one more question.
“Are you nervous?” asks my favorite voice in the world.
Without regret, I push the booklet aside and smile into my little sister Cia’s deep brown eyes. “Not a bit. All I have to do is stand on stage and listen to a bunch of speeches. That’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“Then why have you been getting up so early and studying like your life depends on it?”
I laugh. Although her tiny stature and dark curls make my sister look younger than her ten years, she is smarter than almost anyone in Five Lakes. Except for our father, the magistrate, Dr. Flint, and me. It doesn’t come as a surprise that she has noticed my Testing preparations while others have not.
“I’m just making sure I’m ready in case I get chosen for The Testing, kiddo.”
Cia’s teasing smile fades. “You’re going to get chosen. Everyone says you’re the smartest student to graduate from Five Lakes in the last ten years. I overheard Mom talking to Dad about it this morning. She’s sure you’re going to be chosen and you’ll go away forever.”
The tears lurking in my sister’s voice have me pulling her up onto my lap the way I did when she was a toddler. “What did Dad say?”
“He told Mom that she should be more concerned with what’s going to happen if you don’t get chosen. He doesn’t think you’ll be happy living in Five Lakes with us. That’s not true, is it?”
I do the only thing I can. I lie. “I’ll be happy no matter what. I promise.”
“Good.” Cia wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tight. Which I’m glad for, because it means she can’t see the anger that must show on my face. Our father went to the University. He should be pleased that I have worked hard to be chosen in order to follow in his footsteps. But instead of being proud and hoping for my success, my father is planning for how he will placate me when I fail.
I have worked too hard. There is no one who has worked harder. I can’t fail.
But I do.
I stand on the stage so proud. So confident. I look out at the gathering of our entire colony—just over nine hundred people strong—and smile. I don’t care how long the presentation is or how many announcements the magistrate and other leaders need to make. This yearly event is the only opportunity address the entire colony. Why should I begrudge them their announcements about building a barn or constructing a new fountain in the square in honor of the man who helped purify our water? While my fellow graduates fidget, anxious for the event to be over, I stand with my hands clasped behind my back. Patient. Because the prize I’ve waited so long for is coming.
Only it never arrives. No Tosu Official takes the stage. No announcement about Testing candidates selected. Nothing but the stab of defeat followed by bone-chilling shame.
The minute the sky turns dark, I slip away from the graduation celebration. No more smiling to hide the bitterness of disappointment. No more pretending to be excited to start work with my father.
For the first time, I am grateful for the isolated location of my family’s dwelling. Normally, I get irritated being so far from friends. Today, the long walk by hazy moonlight gives me time to think. My father offered me a job working with him. Everyone expects me to take it. It’s only natural. I want to be part of the country’s revitalization. My father is doing important work.
And yet, I don’t want to stay in Five Lakes, where I know every face and everyone knows mine. I could apply to Tosu City and hope they find a job for me in another colony, but the chances of that happening are rare. If I want to see more of the world than Five Lakes, I have to do it on my own.
When I reach our home, I am glad to know no one will disturb me as decide what choices I still have left for my future. I pass through the living room into the bedroom I share with my brothers and sister and flip on the light Cia built out of spare wire and solar panels. As I cross the threshold, the purple tunic I’d been so pleased to wear hits the floor. I give it a kick under the bottom bunk of my bed and try to decide what to do next.
I should get ready for sleep, but instead I find myself pulling on my work clothes and my most comfortable boots. I take several more shirts out of the wooden trunk at the foot of my bed. Three pairs of socks. Two pairs of pants. I grab my bag, pull the practice test out, and throw it on the floor. Funny how just hours ago those pages seemed so import
ant. Now they are nothing compared to the need to pack. To leave Five Lakes Colony behind me. To run far and fast from my failure. To do it now.
