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“It’s the same plan Ranetta’s rebel faction was supposed to execute,” I explain. “And it makes a terrible kind of sense. If Dr. Barnes and the other leaders are eliminated—”
“I’m not referring to the plan. I can understand why she’d believe that tactic is her only choice. What I don’t get is why she’s asking you to do it.”
“Symon was able to get Michal assigned to her office as a spy. There could be others who report back . . .” I pull my hand away and wrap my arms around myself. “I think she’s right. Asking me could be the only real chance of her plan succeeding.”
“Except that you aren’t a killer. Even when we were betrayed during The Testing, you refused to kill deliberately.” I start to protest but Tomas cuts me off. “If you really wanted to eliminate Will during the fourth test, you would have.”
But I did try. I can still feel the kick of the gun. My desperation as Tomas lay bleeding on the ground—a victim of Will’s desire to win at all costs. I wanted Will to pay for his betrayal. I failed then. This time I cannot.
“I know you want to end The Testing, Cia. I do too, but this is too much for the president to ask of you. This shouldn’t be your job.”
But it is.
Straightening my shoulders, I say, “I have been given an assignment by the president of the United Commonwealth, and I’m going to accept.” Fear wells up inside me, but alongside it is a determination as strong as steel. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, Tomas, but to end The Testing and save my brother and Daileen and everyone else, I will do this.”
“Are you sure?” I hear the unhappiness in his voice. Not long ago, he asked me to leave the University with him. When I refused, he chose to stay with me. But I know that’s still what he really wants. To flee. To go home. To pretend none of what we have seen and what we know is real. As much as I have planned to have him at my side during the weeks ahead, I love him. Because of that, I have to let him go.
“I am.” Two words from which there is no going back. I will do what I must. But Tomas doesn’t have to. “You don’t have to do this. You can leave.”
Pressure builds in my chest. Tears pool behind my eyes. I feel one fall as I steel myself against the pain. “I might not succeed,” I say. “If I don’t, one of us should go back to Five Lakes and tell Magistrate Owens what’s happening here. Our families and friends need to be prepared for whatever comes. They need you.”
I wait for him to respond. Another tear falls.
“Tomas?” I reach out to him, but he steps away from my touch.
“Promise me that if we fail and war breaks out, we run,” he says.
“You can’t—”
“Yes, I can.” He steps closer, and in the dimness I see his face. So handsome. So dear. “I won’t leave you to do this alone.”
“But—”
His mouth touches mine, silencing my protest. I wrap my arms around him and sink into the kiss. After this I will find a way to convince him to go. But I want this one memory to hold close. This moment.
His arms wrap tight around me. In their circle I am safe, but I feel a fire start to burn. My hands touch his cheeks, his neck, his arms, memorizing the feel of him. My breath comes faster. I allow myself one last kiss, then step out of the warmth of Tomas’s arms.
Taking a steadying breath, I say, “I want you to tell me that you’ll leave.”
“I’ll leave only when you do. Until then, we’re in this together.”
He kisses me again. His fingers lace through mine. We stand in the shadows, facing the unknown like we did on the plains during the fourth test. “Together,” I agree.
Maybe if I pushed harder, he would promise to return home. But I don’t. Because this is his fight, too. Because I know, if I am going to succeed, I need him at my side. Because my heart cannot bear to push him away.
“How many names are on the president’s list?”
“Twelve.” I run down the list of names I memorized earlier.
“The president can’t believe you can handle all of that by yourself.”
“She might, but I know I need help,” I say. “I was hoping you’d stand with me, and I think Stacia might. But we’ll need more. People who believe as we do and can handle the decisions we are going to have to make. People we can trust.”
“Trust takes time. That’s something we don’t have.”
Tomas is right. Trust does take time. So does understanding a person’s strengths and weaknesses. The task I have accepted should seem impossible, yet, in a matter of weeks, Dr. Barnes was able to determine not only who was smart enough to lead our country but how we would comport ourselves when faced with extreme pressure and life-threatening situations.
Everyone here at the University was chosen to lead. But what I will need to know is that those on my team believe as I do that The Testing must be ended. That those who have worked for the rebellion, thinking they were bringing change, must be saved. That we need new leaders who will change the system that brought us here in order to secure the futures of those younger than us who dream of someday being selected. And if the people I decide to ask to participate in this terrible task are willing to fight for those things, there is still one question that must be answered.
