I reached over and squeezed her hand. “If something happens, then I’ll beat the shit out of whoever’s responsible,” I told her. “So, okay.Pregame with me instead, and then do your own thing. But the way I see it, you never look like you’re having any fun, and that ... brings other people down.”
Ryan sighed and said, “Sorry.”
There was something I wanted to get across to her, but I wanted to word it carefully. I said, “Listen, you should be yourself. The advice from kindergarten is still true. But think of it as, like—networking. The parties are how you get to know people and how they get to knowyou. And they form opinions about you, like it or not. And that can hurt your opportunities. This is a small town.”
“Helladonna’s already formed her opinion,” Ryan said, and she looked genuinely injured. There had been a profile on Helladonna inPeoplea few weeks before, and seriously, it was hardly anything—they were talking about personal style, and she said something about how she’d never be caught dead in silver cowgirl boots.
“That’s another thing,” I said. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not everyone’s going to like you. Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to let it roll off your back?”
“She’s a huge artist,” Ryan said. “I really respect her.”
“And you’re starting to be a huge artist too,” I said. “So focus on that. Be secure in yourself, bitch. Cut loose at a party, flirt with some guys, for god’s sake.”
She looked reassured, but not at my last comment. “That wouldn’t be fair to Nick,” she said.
But it wasn’t long before we learned that she should kick Nick to the curb along with all her other hang-ups.
Nick
So, yes, the optics were bad. It’s cliché to say that it wasn’t my fault, but I stand by that.
The guys and I were celebrating wrapping up our tour at Les Deux, and things were getting wild. Ryan was invited, obviously, but wasrunning late at the studio. She did that a lot. I was kind of irritated with her and was already two rounds of shots in, so that didn’t help the whole situation.
These girls came up to us and were so excited.It’s Socket Plug, holy shit!And they were asking us all about touring and what it was like to be in a band and everything. One of them said it was her birthday and asked for a picture with each of us. I mean, sure. But when she got to me, she asked if she could have a kiss on the cheek—it was her birthday, after all.
What the hell, I said sure. But when I bent down, she moved her head, and I sort of kissed her neck—I don’t know. It was just my luck that Ryan walked in that same moment, and me getting my picture taken with my arm around this random woman and my face in her neck probably wasn’t how she expected to see me.
Of course I apologized. I explained what happened. But having that image plastered all over the tabloids the next day with a big stupid headline that readHoffmann’S New Hottie?sort of put the nail in the coffin.
“It’s not just that, Nick,” she had said. “I think we want different things. And I need to focus on my album right now.”
Yeah, okay, Ryan. That’s probably why you went on to date seven guys in two years after you broke up with me.
Savannah D’Alessio,Versace model
It was five guys, but still. I don’t know what Ryan was on in her early LA days, but she started acting like she was the hottest shit ever. She went from guy to guy to guy like it was a game. Nick Hoffmann, then Jason Alvarez fromRodeo Nights, then Tyler Michaels—she only dated him fortwo weeks—who else? Oh, the one who was in that episode ofBig Bang Theory. And finally Evan Henderson.
TheBig Bangguy was weird, you know? A lot of these dudes were. Not Nick, but I mean, you get it. I’m not trying to victim-blame. Butthe more you fool around in public, the more you open yourself up to any guy who thinks he can get a piece. And, like, you just can’t judge these people’s true intentions. I tried to look out for her, but she made a lot of enemies, and she made a lot of men feel like they were entitled to her attention.
If you’re a woman in the industry, you learn how to shut them down without making them angry. But Ryan was a massive flirt who had a hard time saying no.
TBH, I think that’s what did her in.
Listen, I tried to defend her. Lots of people were calling her a slut, but I was like, guys, we don’t know what she’s going through. I mean, obviously there were some daddy issues going on. It was like John had abandoned her—who stays in Austin when your daughter is running rampant around LA?
I should’ve known she was trouble when she stole Nick from me.
Mari
I think Ryan was sort of—well, making up for lost time, I guess. I’m not saying I personally started any of this, but I do remember a conversation we had after she’d split with Nick. She was really broken up about that. I was over at her place—she and her mom had a pretty nice townhome in Pasadena then—and we’d made this huge nest of blankets in her room with massive bowls of popcorn, Reese’s cups chopped up and thrown in. Highly recommend.
“I feel like I overreacted,” she had said, about the whole incident with Nick.
I shook my head. “Nah. I’d go berserk if I saw Ben kissing some other girl’s neck.” That was where I slipped up.
Ryan sat up straight and asked, “Who’s Ben?”
Ben was a guy I’d started seeing at UCLA; he was sweet and quiet and hardly listened to music. Which was good, because I’d had morethan one guy get really weird and clingy when he found out I was best friends with Ryan.
