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She raised her gaze up to his. “I’m so ashamed that I’m not stronger. That I can’t help you.”
“You think I don’t feel the same way?”
“You always help me. Just by being here. By loving me.”
“You do the same for me, kitten.” He cupped her face between his hands.
“Can we try? What we have is nothing like what he did to us.”
“But you said you felt ill at the thought of someone touching you like that.”
“Of Jardin doing it,” she pointed out. “Anyone, except you.”
And maybe Cole, but she wasn’t going there. He was the ticking time bomb in the room. A topic to be skirted over but never delved into with any depth in case it exploded.
“You’re my safe place, Julian. And I need to do something. Therapy isn’t enough, and Molly, well, she suggested trying this might help.”
“Jesus, your therapist suggested I spank you?”
She shrugged. “Well, it is Molly. She’s not exactly conventional.”
Julian snorted. “No, she’s not. She better not make that fucking suggestion to me.”
“You don’t think I could wield a paddle?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I know you’d best never try,” he growled at her. A shiver ran across her skin. Oh, yes, this felt right. After they’d first escaped Vincento, she couldn’t imagine doing anything like that again. That she would even want to. But now, she wondered how she’d gone without it for so long. Maybe they’d waited too long, thinking time would heal everything. When sometimes time can work against you. Sometimes, it lets you think too much, makes everything seem worse than it is.
“There’s only one person wielding a paddle here. And that’s me, my little subbie sweetheart.”
“Oh, subbie sweetheart, I like that one.” She gave him a sassy grin.
He studied her for a long moment. “You need this, don’t you?”
She knew he wasn’t just talking about the spanking. He was talking about this dynamic between them. Him taking charge. They’d had sex maybe a handful of times since they’d escaped Vincento. And every time it had been very vanilla, with him handling her like glass. And perhaps they’d both needed that at the time. But now she needed something more. She needed her man back, her Dom. And perhaps this would give him back the sense of control he required.
“Yes, I do.”
“What’s your safeword, kitten,” he drawled.
“Red, Sir.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. Fuck. Had she said the wrong thing? Was she wrong? Was he not ready?
“Julian, are you all right?”
“Yeah, baby, I just . . . it sounded really good to hear you call me that. I promise I’m going to look after the trust you’ve given me. I’d never betray that.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” she replied.
He leaned in and kissed her lips gently. “Right, kitten, go get ready for bed. Do whatever you need to do then wait for me in the bedroom. I want you naked on the bed, on your knees with your chest against the mattress, and your arms straight out in front of you. Understand me?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“That’s my good girl.” He stared into her eyes. “I also want you to promise, if you feel a hint of panic or uncertainty or fear that you will immediately say your safeword.”
She nodded because she knew he needed to be certain she would do that.
“Words, kitten,” he warned.
