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When we get back to the condo, Austin goes to the kitchen and pours me a glass of wine and gets himself a beer.
I kick my heels off and take my mom’s hoop earrings out, then curl up on the couch, pulling my feet under myself. The hat box of her jewelry sits on the coffee table. Some of it is gold or silver, but a lot of it is costume jewelry, some of it really ostentatious. I plan to put most of it away for someday when I hopefully have a daughter, for dress-up time. I took out these earrings and a necklace for today. I stare at it with sadness.
He sits beside me and wraps an arm around me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “It’s still surreal. But… I’m not sure I’m okay, though I’m hangin’ in there.”
He caresses the back of my neck with his fingertips and then uses his grip to pull my mouth in toward his.
He kisses me soft. Sweet. And then he bites his lip as his head moves back and he studies my face.
“I was a real dick to you when I got here.”
“I remember,” I whisper. “In your defense, I didn’t make my best first impression.”
“In my defense,” I just got puked on after walking multiple blocks because the cab I was in was t-boned.”
“Oh. Yikes.”
“Yeah, prior to that I flew here from my brother’s wedding. And I hated this city, didn’t wanna come in the first place.”
“That sucks,” I say and reach for my wine.
“On top of that, I woke up in bed with my brother’s ex that morning.”
I puff up my cheeks, then blow out a slow breath before I gulp back a big sip.
“Here we go. You ready for this?” he asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve been in the dark for a bit.”
“I didn’t wanna live in the place I was at in my head. The last thing I needed to do was drag you in there, too, especially not knowing how it was gonna go. I still don’t know.”
“I’m confused,” I say.
“I know. And I’m sorry I’ve been so tight-lipped about why I’ve been a dick.”
I shrug.
“But playing games with you let me be someone else. And it helped. And it did something else.”
“What?”
“It let me see into your head.”
“You got to play a game where you were bossy and got your way? Who wouldn’t want that?” I snicker.
He smiles.
“Play a game with me. A game where you pretend you’re not mad at me for being an insensitive, self-absorbed asshole. “
“I’m not mad,” I say. “I’m just…” I shrug.
“Afraid it’s not real?”
I nod. “It’s not that I think you’re lying to me. I’m worried you’re lying to yourself.”
“I’m not,” he assures. “Wanna play a game?”
“What kind of game?” I ask.
“A game where you trust that we’re not temporary. Where you stop worrying I’m about to disappear.”
“That sounds fun. And unrealistic,” I say softly and regret it as soon as I do.
“What about a game where maybe you come with me to California when I’m done here and find out what ocean air tastes like?”
“Don’t toy with me,” I warn.
He leans closer and kisses my neck. “A game where we go to the beach and then taste the saltwater on one another’s lips.” He kisses my mouth.
“That could be fun.”
“A game where you get a peek into my mind and see all the sexual things I want?”
“Now you’re talking,” I say and sip my wine again.
“A game where you keep on writing down the things you want me to do to you and I’ll keep reading them and we can keep acting them out but where we also build a life together?”
“What about a game where you tell me what’s going on with you, what’s really going on?” I try.
“Jada,” he whispers.
I smile sadly. There’s so much pain in his eyes right now. I touch his cheek.
And my name on his lips… in this tone, I think I’d agree to just about anything. And that’s kind of dangerous. Because if he looks at me like that and tells me in that soft voice that he wants to fuck me against the window seventy five floors up, I’ll do it even though it’s terrifying. I’ll do it even if he tells me he’ll do it before he leaves and never sees me again.
“I was holding back. Then I didn’t want to hold back anymore and I’ve been waiting for my moment,” he says.
I put my wine down, lean back, and wait.
“Sienna showed up in St. Kitts to break up my brother’s wedding. She failed and wound up giving me a date rape drug.”
I physically jolt. Hard.
“I’ve known that girl since I was eleven years old. Figured she and Aiden would get married, we’d be family. But she wasn’t someone I’d ever have fucked voluntarily. She drugged me, took me upstairs to my hotel room, managed to have sex with me while I was three quarters unconscious, and did so knowing she wasn’t on the pill.”
