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When I do get down time, I don’t have the patience to navigate the bullshit of dating. Because it feels like bullshit trying to figure out what’s real versus what’s under a filter or flat-out lies. To say I haven’t had a great experience with the fairer sex lately is an understatement and my sister Adele tells me I’m on the verge of turning into a woman-hater. She worries about me going like Aiden used to be.
I don’t want to hate on women, but I’m tired of the games, tired of trying to look for truth through the filters people wear these days, tired of the bullshit.
When Aiden’s wedding is over, I’m even considering using a matchmaking service to take the legwork out of it for me. A service that at least partially vets them. That does background checks. Personality tests. Because I’m sick of hoping for something different, only to be served with more garbage.
I’ve played the field. I’ve had fun. I’ve dealt with girls who are gold diggers. I’ve dealt with girls trying to get me jealous to make me stake my claim with them when it was a) just too soon for that and b) done in a way that let me know the girl was not worth my time.
I’m watching my parents’ marriage fall apart for most of my life, but my sister has a solid marriage and now Aiden is getting hitched. I do not plan to be the forty or fifty-year-old guy just having kids. I hope to be a dad in the next three or four years. A dad who can coach, who’s young enough for the kids to play catch with. Not some old father who parents from his recliner. I plan to be a much more present father than my workaholic dad has been and to marry a woman much more hands-on with family than my mother was.
The Carmichael kids might be privileged materially, but if it weren’t for having one another and being raised by an amazing nanny, we’d be entitled shitheads.
Okay, so Aiden can be a bit of a shithead at times, but under it all he’s a good guy. His temper is on a hair trigger and he’s stubborn. The guy thought our father wasn’t our biological dad and sat on the evidence for a year being miserable instead of opening an envelope that would give him answers. Turned out he was wrong, Dad is Dad. Aiden’s heart is bigger than he’d ever admit – his fear was so big he’d rather worry and not know than have an answer he didn’t want.
I’m the sort who wants to know. Tell me bad news as soon as possible so I can figure out how to deal with it. As a numbers guy, I want details and want them fast so I can look at the possible repercussions. And I’m cool as a cucumber most of the time. It takes a lot for me to blow my top, though when it happens, it’s a volcano.
“You wanna know how we decided?” Aiden tries.
“I really don’t.” I stuff more burrito in my mouth.
“I did this thing, where…” He’s leaned in closer and I wish I had extra burritos to stuff into my ears.
“Don’t,” I warn. “I haven’t got the stomach for it.”
“Bro,” Aiden retorts, “You’re putting shit in your mouth right now that’ll have you sharting your pants if you don’t make it to the can fast enough. I think your stomach can handle this.”
I swallow what’s in my mouth. “So, I don’t have the dick for it right now. I’m in a dry spell, brother.”
He smiles. “Carly talked to that Meryl chick. She says she thinks she can make it to St. Kitts for the wedding. Carly sent her a plane ticket and booked her a hotel room at the resort. Maybe you two can hook up again.”
I roll my eyes, hard.
“Doubt it.”
“Maybe that’s why she’s going to the effort. To see you again.”
I take a sip of my Coke and shake my head. “Doubtful.”
“What happened there?”
I stuff more food in my mouth, so I don’t have to speak – still don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna think over how me and that girl spent that night together. Don’t want to remember how it was one of those rare nights where you feel like you really connect with somebody. It was the kind of night that feeds romantic comedies. And it was just more bullshit, obviously, because she ran back to the Philippines without saying goodbye. No, saying goodbye, but doing it after she got home. Via email.
I didn’t even read it. It said “Sorry” in the subject line and I deleted it without reading it.
Before she left, she talked about how stuck she felt in her life and then went off and did exactly what she said she didn’t wanna do – go back to get engaged to a guy because it was expected of her.
