Chapter Eighteen
It might have been minutes or years later that Georgiana attempted to pull away. Instead of complying as she ought, Caroline chased Miss Darcy’s lips eagerly, unwilling to permit the lovely new sensation to end so quickly. The feeling, hot and heady, thrilled down her spine, her hands clenching and unclenching with nowhere to go, her world narrowed to a single point of focus where two mouths met and unmet in a clumsy clash of teeth and lips and oh good Lord, she was probably going to get sad tongue from kissing someone who was not her wedded husband but she couldn’t bring herself to care one single whit because this was delightful and burning and passionate, and Georgiana’s fingers were curling around her waist, pulling her still closer, and—
When they finally broke apart, panting, Caroline wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, what had occasioned it, or what she might do to elicit such a response again. The realisation that she wanted it to happen again shocked and delighted her in equal measures. This was new indeed, and yet not unwelcome.
Perhaps too welcome.
Georgiana’s fingers rose to cover her own lips as she backed away. “I apologise most heartily for—for—”
“For what?” Caroline blurted.
For a heartbeat, Miss Darcy looked at her as if she’d gone completely mad. “For kissing you,” she whispered, sounding scandalised. “You are aware that I just kissed you, are you not?”
“I am not so sheltered that I do not know what a kiss is.”
“You...” She shook her head. “No matter. In either case, I apologise.”
“You needn’t.” The world was too sharply-focused, too crisp. Caroline was acutely aware of each and every thundering heartbeat, the dampness of her palms, the heat writhing through her veins. “You were not as bad as all that.”
“I— Excuse me?” Georgiana stared at her. Clearly, her friend had expected Caroline to faint or flee.
“Why did... How...” Caroline hardly knew what one ought to be asking in such a situation, nor how to phrase the question in a suitable way. Floundering, she changed tack. “I must say, I had no idea that you—”
Georgiana’s expression turned frosty, and she backed away, putting careful distance between them. “That I what?”
The change made Caroline’s stomach drop. “I—I don’t know,” she stammered, her voice coming out uncharacteristically reedy and uncertain. How could they have gone from kissing heartily one moment and feel like damned strangers in the next? “Georgie, I really—”
“It is better that we do not talk of this ever again,” Miss Darcy said stiffly. “I have letters to write. Pray excuse me, Miss Bingley. I shall see you at dinner.”
Without another word, she turned and fled the room.
Caroline’s knees gave way and she slumped onto the worn couch, one finger brushing against her now-swollen lips. Every time she recalled Georgiana’s fingers clutching at her waist, herheart rate sped up so much, she thought she might actually faint. How on earth was she going to get through dinner without bursting into flames? How on earth was she going to achieve the Great Endeavour with such a distraction so close to hand?
And how on earth can I entice her to kiss me a second time?
After she felt herself suitably under control again, which took the best part of an hour, Caroline made her way up the staircase to the first floor. She paused on the landing and listened intently, straining to hear any noise coming from Miss Darcy’s bedchamber.
Nothing.
Perhaps Georgiana wasn’t even in her room; perhaps she had escaped elsewhere to avoid being cornered. Creeping closer, Caroline sidled along the hallway, avoiding the creakiest floorboards, and shamelessly put her ear to Georgiana’s door.
Still nothing. No murmuring to herself. Not even the scratch of a quill or a sigh could be heard.
Frowning, Caroline lifted her hand to knock, then decided against it. The reasons for the kiss might be as murky as lake-water, but Georgiana’s panicked flight had made some things crystal clear. Forcing a confrontation might not be the best course of action at the present moment, even if it was Caroline’s first impulse. Inside the guest room, Caroline went first to her bed, lowering herself onto it with still-shaky legs, then bounced up again with renewed vigour. She had too much energy inside her to sit still right now, yet she could not simply keep pacing the floor lest she wore grooves in the hardwood. Crossing to the window, she settled herself against the wall and stared out at the sky. Though the sun was still an hour or two from setting, the deep blue which she had so admired earlierthat day had begun to fade, tinged with a rosy glow. What was that old saying her governess had so loved—red sky at night, shepherd’s delight? Though what shepherds had to be delighted about, Caroline had no idea. Perhaps a flock behaved better if they saw a particularly lovely sunset the night before. It was impossible to know what might matter to a sheep.
She rubbed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted. The first thing to do, presumably, was to ascertain why Georgiana had kissed her in the first place. Caroline hesitated. Was it awhy? If not, then she wasn’t sure what else it would be. Certainly nothoworwhere—she knew both of those, and the memory brought a hot flush to her cheeks and a thrill to her stomach. No, perhaps it was not awhy, but awhat. She had been talking of men and her inability to determine what she liked about them in the marriageable sense, and then Georgiana had asked her about women. Caroline felt certain that her feelings must have shone clearly on her face in that moment, whatever those feelings were—and good Lord, that was a thought she ought to address at another time—and instead of being repulsed or outraged at such deviancy, Georgiana had...
Responded to it.
As if she too found women attractive.
At least one woman, anyway.
Caroline drew in a deep, ragged breath.Well. That is certainly something.She turned to the looking glass and stared at her reflection. The lady who stared back was gorgeous, stylish, and looked utterly lost.I hardly think that youteachingme to be kinder can be dangerous in any way, she’d told Georgiana only a few days prior. Caroline sighed at the memory, allowing the breath to escape unchecked without any consideration for sad lung. How absolutely wrong she’d been.
Well, there’s a first time for everything, I suppose.
She turned back to the window and threw it wide open. The gust of fresh air which entered made her feel more grounded.If one breath achieves that much, she reasoned,then surely several hundred will be even more reviving. Decision made, she swept out into the hallway and made her way downstairs. She was halfway across the great hall when footsteps sounded in the passage behind her. Not Georgiana’s, which she knew by heart and could have picked out in any crowd, but heavier, more stately.
