I had no recollection of the drive home or pulling into my driveway. My mind’s too preoccupied with what he said. For all I know, I teleported home.
I don’t want to be just friends with you, Charlie.
I’m flattered, horrified, confused and unsure of how to handle this situation. I’ve never had a guy tell me he liked me nor imagined a guy being that forward about it. How could it not change my perspective on Jared? As soon as those words left his lips, my world shifted, leaving me with millions of new questions about how I feel about him, what to do about Shirley’s feelings and whether I should pursue this or not.
My mind’s reeling, and not just with questions, but with images and reminiscent memories of what I may have missed. Images of his abs glistening on his tan skin in the hot sun after track practice in the summers, on how his calf definition is so intense from running thateach move of his leg brings out another curve in his skin and how sometimes, just sometimes, I’d catch him watching me and I’d wonder if I’d imagined it. I never wanted to believe any guy noticed me because he thought I was attractive, I always just assumed they were looking past me to someone else.
He’s been there all along. I’ve just been too oblivious to consider the possibilities.
I unpack my school things for the last time and sit on the couch in the living room, reflecting on my promise to Shirley and how she’ll think I’m a backstabber if I end up pursuing Jared after all. She’s the one who told me he liked me in the first place, and I assured her I wasn’t interested even after hearing the possible truth.
But is that enough of a reason not to date a guy? I’m allowed to change my mind, right? I exhale forcefully, leaning my head back against the vanilla padded plush backing of the couch and stare at the ceiling, turning over more scenarios in my brain.
His graduation party’s tomorrow so I have enough time to figure this out, right?
Ugh, this makes my brain hurt. I don’t want to be a crappy person, but Shirley and I aren’tthatclose of friends…but is that enough of an excuse to be a bad person? Is a guy worth all this possible drama?
Ilose track of the conversation in my mind when images of Jared invade again. His abs, his toned legs, his full lips that are always moistened, the slow flick of his tongue when he’d lick his lips right before speaking to me. Heat sears between my legs, the wetness already accumulating.
My palm loudly smacks my forehead in exasperation. Am I now completely controlled by my inner urges?Sofrustrating.
Yet, before I know it, I’m back in my room, turning off the lights and touching myself to the biker boy once again. This time though, I’m aware I may have an audience. Knowing he could be watching me, spurred me on, swiftly bringing me to orgasm. Except afterwards, instead of feeling guilty, I was disappointed. My biker didn’t reach out or drive by or anything. What the hell was the other night about then?
Ugh.
Whatever. I shouldn’t be worried about him anyways, I have someone who doesn’t hide behind a helmet who actually shows me he likes me. Screw the biker.
Ugh, these mood swings are going to be the death of me.
Downstairs, I find Mom and Dad sitting on the back patio with their laptops open, conversing quietly. I slide open the double-sided glass doors and greet them.
“Hey! When did you guys get home?”
They’re both beaming.
“Oh, about twenty minutes ago,” Mom says brightly.
Wow, I didn’t even hear them. I hope I was quiet enough in my bedroom.
Panic shoots through me at the possibility they overheard me or the music coming from the video when my biker boy lifted up his shirt and spanked the back of the bike sexually one quick time before the video would replay.
“What’s that face for? I’ve only seen that look when you were doing something you shouldn’t be.” Dad’s laugh sounds strained, his smile once again not meeting his eyes as his brows crease.
Oh, God. Is he thinking about the other night? Did he catch on to what I was doing? My pulse quickens as I race to come up with an excuse for what I was doing upstairs.
“Oh honey, stop pestering her. It’s her last day of school after all. We officially have a college girl in the house!” She winks at Dad and gives me a big hug. God bless her. “How do you want to celebrate tonight?”
Hiding my sigh of relief, I say, “Let’s just stay in and play games tonight. I’m going to be at graduation parties all weekend so I’m going to need to save up my social energy for those.”
“Sounds good. I’ll order the pizza.”
She walks inside to call the pizza shop, leaving me with my father, the man who I’ve never had an awkward moment with in my life until recently, and who suddenly seems harder to be around because I don’t know how to act in front of him. He smiles uncomfortably at me, as if he feels the same way before returning to his laptop and begins typing, presumably to work on his current book.
Taking my chance to escape further awkwardness, I go inside to pick out what games we’re going to play tonight. I know we’ll have all summer to hang out, but I don’t want these moments to pass me by. My parents are everything to me, and I can’t imagine not being close to either one of them. I have to fix Dad and I’s relationship before I leave for college. There’s no other option.
Dad and I get into our competitive spirits quickly once the games begin, absorbing all the previous tension. I’m happy to be back to goofing off with him and feeling like the little girl he’s always been so proud of.
We finally call it quits around one in the morning after a great night, making me forget all the drama between Jared and Shirley.
