Once we get back into the crowd, everyone, especially the girls, glare at me like I’m a piece of trash who just stoletheir favorite toy. I immediately remove my arm from his and create distance between us.
He doesn’t argue or acknowledge the action and instead goes back to the party inside, leaving me alone by the pool. Now’s my chance. Being that weird person who stands alone by a bush, I snatch my phone out of my pocket and stare at the text. My fingerpads drum on the screen in debate of what to retaliate with.
To my surprise, bubbles appear showing he’s texting back this time. Good. Let’s see what excuse he comes up with.
“Claimed me?Claimedme? Who the fuck does this guy think he is?” I exasperate aloud, rubbing my forehead.
I grow feverish, my eyes darting from side to side to see if he’s around, but there’s no sign of him. Neither sound norvisual of my suddenly talkative biker. How’d he know Jared touched me? How does he know where I am?
Oh good. Another person to treat me like a child.
Screw him. As much as I want to know how long he’s been watching me, I’m not going to get scolded by some stranger who watches me masturbate.
The tightening of my thighs together begs to continue the conversation and see where it leads, but then sweet, sweet Ben comes to mind. No. I choose Ben. If biker boy wants to step up and show himself then maybe we can be friends. Maybe.
Actually, come to think of it…I’ll have to block my laptop camera now…
Stealing some courage from the party, I walk around trying to get my mind off that weird text conversation and find Shirley in the kitchen talking to the guy who must be the cousin, although he looks more like a brother. His matching long blonde hair, tan skin and side profile are uncannily similar. The only difference I notice right off the bat is his height. He must be at least five inches taller. No wonder Shirley didn’t mind getting distracted by him.
I tap her on the shoulder, timidly interrupting her conversation. She turns around with a big grin, grabs my hand and leads me away from him down the hall.
“I’ll be right back!” she yells to the cousin.
She pulls me aside in the hallway and whispers excitedly, “Okay, you can have Jared. His cousin, Jayson is so freakin’ cute and funny,andhe actually seems interested in me.”
“That’s really okay. I don’t want Jared. But I’m glad you’ve found someone you’re clicking with!”
“Oh, I figured when he disappeared and left me with his cousin he went to find you.”
“He did… but we just talked. He’s nice and all, but I’ve got my eye on someone else.”
A lonely ache hits my stomach, and my body warms at the memory of hugging Ben earlier, his scent fresh in my nostrils. I wish he was here. A side of guilt throws itself in the mix.
Should I tell Ben about this anonymous biker who keeps contacting me? Is it wrong if I don’t tell him? Is it wrong that part of me wants to masturbate again to the biker and see if he watches? Ugh, this is all getting complicated.
“Ooooh, really? Who?” she exclaims excitedly.
“I’ll tell you later. For now, go back to Jayson! I wouldn’t want him to get distracted by anyone else.”
Half true, half lie. I’m keeping my feelings for Ben close to the chest until I figure out what’s going on in his mind…and mine.
“You’re the best. By the way, thank you so much for being a good friend and trying to set me up with Jared. I’ve had many friends, but you’ve shown yourself to be a true one. The other girls would’ve chosen the guy over me. You’re a good person.”
She hugs me by surprise, squeezing me tight. I lean into the hug and squeeze her back just as hard. Wow, a true friend. One I’ve only ever had in Ben, and never a girl.
This is my opening to get closer with Shirley this summer before college. It’d be nice to have a girl best friend to talk to about womanly things instead of a boy who turns his nose up at it. I grin thinking of Ben’s reaction whenever I talk about my period. His scrunched-up nose and spitting his tongue out dramatically is my favorite.
She wiggles her fingers playfully to say bye and walks back to the kitchen to resume her conversation with the cousin.
I return to the pool area, kick my shoes off and walk over to the side where I recognize some cross-country girls. Julie, Yuni, Kelly and Porter are sitting on a shelf inthe pool in the deep end, lounging and laughing together. With an inhale so deep my ribs expand to the max, I pull my pant legs up to my mid shin and stick my feet in the water next to them, the icy cold water a lifesaver in calming my nerves.
“Hey guys,” I say cheerily.
They all stop talking and smile up at me. That went better than my original fear. I half expected them to ignore me.
“Charlotte! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re out and about. Look at you. You look great!”
I revel in their compliments and let it build a small amount of confidence. This isn’t so scary after all. I should’ve done this sooner, should’ve tried sooner, been braver sooner.
