Did he ever show up last night after Ben saved me?
What’s his life like and what he’s been through?
Why does he seem so obsessed with me and how does he know me?
Is he our age or older?
Why hasn’t he reached out since last night?
His aggressive texts did scare me last night, but I still wish I could meet him and ask him these questions. I’m magnetically pulled to him and his page like he’s meant to be in my life, probably because of what I’ve done to myself late at night because of him…but deeper down I know there’s something more to it.
I lean closer to the screen, searching for clues in his videos—for any hint that would give him away and tell me a little more about him. His bike, his muscles, hisclothes, his body, the background… but nothing’s striking a chord in me. I waste another half an hour on his page and then give up.
Screw it, I’m going to Ben’s early. I have nothing else to do, and I’m not about to sit downstairs and endure an awkward, forced conversation with my parents.
I sneak down the stairs, grab my keys and get in my car. Flashbacks of driving home last night creep up as soon as I shut my car door. My damn brain’s torturing me. Why won’t it let me forget it ever happened? Cooperate with me, brain.
The tightness in my chest is unbearable. I close my eyes and massage the muscles across my chest to ease the tension, taking a few more deep breaths to settle my now racing heart. I need to be calm. I’m not going to let this experience haunt me. I’m going to face this and conquer it. Jared’s actions will not hold power over me.
In…1…2…3…. Out…1….2…3.
I say my affirmations with the breathing exercises over and over again.
In…1…2…3…. Out…1….2…3.
I’m not going to let this experience haunt me. I’m going to face this and conquer it. Jared’s actions will not hold power over me.
Finally, the images fade along with the tightness.
God. Fuck that guy and fuck this whole situation.
I angrily shove my keys in the ignition and drive over to Ben's farm, making sure I take deep breaths along the way. I just know being on the farm will help me. The countryside with barely anyone around, fresh air, animals, nothing to focus on but work...
A hopeful and happy feeling breaks through all the sadness and anger. I hold onto that feeling the rest of the drive, focusing only on the dusty fresh smell of crops in the summer, the smell of straw in the barn in the winter, and the smell of fresh dirt and dust from working the ground.
Rain splatters my windshield right as I park by the back barn and run into it to wait for the rain to stop.
The smell of fresh hay and cold rain fills my nostrils. I breathe it in and sink onto a haybale, savoring the feel of the alfalfa poking through my jeans. Right as I close my eyes and lean back, a loud boom sounds from behind me, making me squeal in surprise.
I whip around to see Ben walking through the side door that must have slammed open from the wind. My mouth gapes open, my body on fire as I behold his current state.
His hair’s drenched from the rain, lost strands stuck to his face, and laying perfectly against his sharp jaw. Notto mention, his white T-shirt’s completely soaked through, highlighting each dip in his chiseled abs. And God, stuck just above his pants that are weighed down perfectly enough to display his v-cut, are the rim of his boxers sliding on his olive skin. His jeans are a deep, dark blue from the rain, his work boots littered with mud. A throbbing heat sears between my thighs, making me tighten them and a ball settles in my chest.
What do I do? Do I hide? No. It would be even more embarrassing if he caught me trying to hide. How would I explain that? Sorry, you were so hot I had to hide because I couldn’t handle my body’s reaction to you?
He chucks an ax with a log stuck on it into the side of the barn and runs his fingers through his hair, clearing his face of the loose strands, and letting loose a deep sigh.
Luckily, he doesn’t notice me at first, giving me enough time to rid myself of the drooling expression I know I have plastered on.
His shirt’s half-way up in a sad effort to wipe his face dry when he finally notices me watching him.
“Char! Is it four already? It started raining out there right when I was finishing up cutting wood for the bonfire I was initially going to hold tonight. I’m fucking soaked.”
Hesitantly, I sit still, waiting for flashbacks of the fire to come into my brain, but none do. It’s quiet along with the rest of the world, the only sound being the pattering of rain on the aluminum roof of the barn. The only thing I see is Ben. Hot, soaked Ben.
It takes all my energy to fight the strong urge to look lower than his eyeline because I know he’ll notice and give me shit for it. He drops his shirt, which barely moves down, sticking to his wet skin and wipes his hands on his pants.
“Uh, no, I uh, came early. I mean arrived early.”Oh my God, be more obvious, Charlotte.
