“Why?”
“Because I want to be withyou, not just with your body and I don’t want to chance making any noise. Plus, we really need to get some sleep. I promise we’ll have plenty of nights where we don’t get sleep because we can’t keep our hands off each other. For tonight, all I want to do is hold you and drift to sleep. I want thesound of your breathing to sing me a lullaby and be surrounded by the scent of your hair embracing me in an inescapable aroma.”
He’s so romantic, and sweet and caring. He’s proving time and time again my body isn’t what he’s after. It’s all of me that he wants. I feel like a fool for only thinking about sex.
“Come here, you,” he whispers, pulling me to lay on top of him in our usual snuggle position and running his fingers gently through my hair.
Comfort instantly finds me. My eyelids close on their own accord from the heaviness of lack of sleep this past week. This comfort is indescribable, as if I’ve been placed in an environment where I know nothing can get me and I’ll never have to escape if I don’t want to.
His fingers stay the same rhythm, starting at my scalp and finding their way to my ends. The perfect metronome. God, how I love this man.
I wake up at three-forty-five to his phone vibrating on the bed. Surprisingly, he’s already getting ready to leave, putting his clothes on and donning his helmet. Pain aches deep in me. I hate to see him go.
“I’ll see you tonight, babe. I’m glad you slept well.”
He gives me a hug, letting the cool plastic of his helmet rest on my cheek.
“Did you sleep okay?” I mumble against his chest.
“Best I have in a long time, baby.”
He squeezes me tightly, but instead of going back to sleep, I walk him downstairs and see him out. I want as much time with him as possible, even if it’s just for another couple of minutes. I watch him walk to his bike resting behind the bush near our mailbox, pick it up and start walking off with it down the street.
He turns around for one last look. I wave goodbye. He waves back and blows me a kiss. I catch it and send one back. My heart can’t handle how precious he is.
I close the front door as slow as humanly possible once again and scurry back up the stairs. At least my bed still smells like him.
Mmmmm.
I snuggle into the side of the bed he used and put a reminder in my phone to give him my perfume for his own room. Then I drift back to sleep comforted by his residual scent on my pillow.
Chapter Seventeen.
Nerves consume me as we approach the school for graduation. My parents spent the morning fussing over me as we made sure my hat and gown were situated right and had our tickets and information for seating.
Ben stayed again, but last night’s sleep was… different from the first night. He kept grinding against me in his sleep and saying how bad he wanted to feel inside me which made it rather difficult not to start something. After being woken up like that all night and not getting pleasured, my body wouldn’t calm down enough to let me sleep.
I could’ve pleasured myself, but I held back because I didn’twantto do it myself. I wanted him to get me off. Plus, it would’ve been weird to masturbate right next to him. So instead, I showered, got ready and cooked my parents and I’s breakfast.
My father was his normal self at breakfast, joking around and eating the eggs and bacon I prepared. My mom on the other hand, held back tears the entire morning while constantly reminiscing on my childhood and how proud she was of me.
I wasn’t sure which was worse. It’s uncomfortable to be around either of them anymore. I haven’t told them about Ben, nor have I wanted to. The secrets I have continue piling up every day as of late to the point I worry one might spill out if I make a wrong move or they ask the wrong question, triggering its premature release.
So, I did what I had to do. I faked my emotions, acting like my old self around them in the meantime so I could get through the day until I was reunited with Ben. Minute shame lay under the surface for not caring I may hurt them, but I felt how I felt.
Parking, as expected, is a nightmare so they drop me off with the rest of the graduates at the front door of the school. Ben finds me immediately in the crowd and grabs my hand, leading me to where we can stand so we get seats together.
He pulls a chair out for me and kisses my cheek quickly before sitting down beside me and intertwining his fingers in mine. My cheeks burn at the looks fromeveryone watching us. Not to mention, Tree’s glaring at me like she’s about to tackle me in front of the entire school. Triumph rages inside me like I’ve won some competition, but a small voice tells me to keep my guard up and to stay vigilant against any attacks she may throw my way.
My heart’s full as Ben keeps his hand in mine the entire ceremony, stroking his thumb on mine and caressing each finger to pass the time.
The best part so far is that we haven’t seen Jared at all. The worst part is the rushes of adrenaline when any guy with blonde hair gets in my line of sight.
I look around for my parents during the speech segment of the ceremony, completely forgetting they have no idea Ben and I are a thing. Once I find them, I wish I hadn’t. My dad stares daggers at me, and I know it’s because I’m holding Ben’s hand, the guy who he’s known since he was a kid and who broke his trust only recently. Thankfully, mom seems to remain oblivious and watches the speeches unphased.
A ball sinks in my chest, deflating the happiness. I turn forward, avoiding my father’s glare. I wish I didn’t have to speak to him after we get our diplomas. I don’t know how much time I need away from him, but I can’t seemto face him and this new tense relationship we’ve entered.
Ben’s thumb casually strokes mine, his rings pressing in on my fingers when suddenly his hand tightens, gripping mine so hard it’s painful. I open my mouth to ask him what’s going on but see his rageful expression and his eyes following something like a hawk. I chase his gaze and land on Jared who’s pompously walking up on stage to give a speech. The ball stuck in my chest sinks to the pit of my stomach, pulling all the breath in my lungs with it.
