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My legs had gone to jelly, and I sat again. Jason occupied Dougie’s empty seat. He examined the untouched tea on the table. “Have you eaten?”
I shook my head.
“You should eat something.”
He got up and a few minutes later came back with a plate of sandwiches and a fresh pot of tea.
“Where is Josh?” I stared at the plastic packaging containing the sandwich. I didn’t feel the slightest bit hungry.
“With Martinson’s wife.” He tore open the wrapping and shoved it closer to me.
Martinson lived with his family in a house on Blythewood’s vast estate. “Sorry,” I murmured.
“You can make it up to him. A lot,” said Jason. “Eat.”
I poured out the tea with a shaking hand, and steam almost scalded my fingers.
Jason leaned forward. “Christ, Gem, you had me so worried.”
I expected anger, not anxiety, and his demeanour unnerved me. I shrugged, trying to underplay the morning’s events. “I’m fine. Nothing happened. We talked, that’s it.” I inspected the contents between two slabs of bread and grimaced. Pushing the sandwich to one side, I took a deep breath and gave Jason my full attention. “I didn’t want to disobey you, but meeting Dougie was important. I made a decision based on my instincts, and I don’t regret it.”
Jason sighed. “Okay. I accept that only because of hindsight. Martinson remembered Mottram being a decent bloke and a good soldier.”
I relaxed slightly. Jason had received reassurances, and it made my judgement seem less foolish. “Dougie picked the wrong friend. He doesn’t see it now. One day, he might.” I sniffed, and my tummy rumbled in response to the aroma of food. Perhaps I was hungrier than I thought.
Jason moved the plate back. “For fuck’s sake, eat. Then tell me what he told you.”
While I devoured my sandwich, Jason rang to check on Joshua. When he ended the call, I wiped my mouth with the napkin and told him Dougie’s story. I skipped over his reminisces of good times and kept to the important parts. My voice quavered as I told him about Dougie feeling guilty about his running off and his perception of the consequences of his declaration of love and the aftermath it created.
Silence descended again. I didn’t look at Jason, unable to bear the intensity of his blue gaze. He reached over and captured my right hand then ran his thumb along my knuckles, his little but oh-so-familiar act of reassurance. My shoulders sagged, and I let out a sob of relief, wiping my eyes with the napkin.
“Shh, babe. I’m not cross.” He grinned fleetingly. “Not true. I was furious and probably scared Joshua when I threw the phone across the room.”
I flinched at the image of Joshua seeing scary Daddy.
He squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry, it passed quickly. Nothing like the pitiful eyes of a child to quell a temper. We kissed and made up, Joshua and I.”
“And us?” I whispered.
Punishment loomed its ugly head. I had been wilfully disobedient. Although I hadn’t dismissed Gibson from my presence, I had met a man without Jason’s consent, making myself vulnerable.
“You tell me.”
He was asking me to decide my own punishment. I’d disobeyed him and forced him to abandon our son. Did I want him to thrash the defiance out of me? Re-assessing my choices, I didn’t believe I deserved it. Jason was my Dominant, but sometimes I had to contemplate withdrawing consent. Should I refuse and deal with the consequences or submit to his intentions?
I straightened, ready to explain my reasoning. “When I saw Dougie in the gallery, I was afraid. Was he coming to seek revenge, retribution for his friend? In the past, he never gave me any indication I couldn’t trust him. So, I made a decision. You weren’t here, and I did what I believed was best. You see, I have to know, understand why it happened to me. Now, I know. I was the next available person, on hand, easy. His anger at Dougie couldn’t be resolved, and there I was, being a little sassy, awkward, nothing out of the ordinary. But his to do with as he pleased, or so he thought. He raped me to get at Dougie, in a twisted kind of way. He shouted all this abuse at me, but it wasn’t aimed at me.” I paused, holding my breath, expecting some kind of criticism.
“Go on,” he murmured.
I released my breath, my confidence growing. The answer to my dilemma became clear. I could do this. I could ask without withdrawing consent. “You’re not going to punish me for defying you. I won’t let you. However. I wouldn’t mind if you reclaimed me. Whatever you think that involves. I feel this urgent need to be part of you, Jason. But, don’t say you’re disciplining me because I won’t accept punishment. Please, that is all I ask of you.”
I ended my unusually long speech, keeping watch on his unflinching features. His stroking thumb had stilled during my last few sentences, but now it moved across my knuckles once again.
“You should get back to the gallery. You’ve been missed, and I need to collect a wild child.” He let go of my hand and stood up. “I’ll walk you back across the street.”
Was that it? His lack of reprimand continued to stun me, and if not for the kiss on the lips as we parted, I would have wondered if I had overstepped my authority, exerted too much control. Jason sped away in his Jaguar, and I threw myself into my work for the rest of the afternoon. I apologised profusely to Nicholas and Mina, and they shrugged off my absence, reminding me of their competence.
I went to Blythewood to be with Joshua. Jason had rearranged for us to return to the city the next day. Unhindered by a tight schedule, I bathed Joshua, read him extra stories, and laid him in his cot.
