I look at all three of them lined up before me. “I thought having you around might be fun, that I could learn some shit, but I’ve decided I don’t care enough to be bothered with you. That’s what you said, right, Calix? That I don’t have any emotions?” I tilt my head and examine him.
Calix licks his lips and his eyes are a little wide. “I’m not going anywhere, Damiana. I’ve waited your entire life to be with you. You can be pissed at me all you want, but I’m still not leaving.”
I narrow my eyes at him. I want to reach into his chest and grab a hold of his soul, pulling it until it’s barely tethered to his body before releasing it. That would scare the hell out of him, probably get him to leave me alone for good, but I can’t force myself to do it. What if I tugged too hard, did something wrong, and really hurt him? I could never live with myself, plus, deep down, I know I don’t want him to leave me. I want him to fight for me, even if he has to fightme.
I wish I didn’t have any emotions, because then I wouldn’t be so worried about him—any of them—shredding what’s left of them when they leave me.
Grim steps forward, his robes dissolving into smoke behind him. “I apologize, it seems we’re all a little…” He balls up his fists and squeezes. “More raw than we’re used to.”
“I don’t even get why you’re here. What did you expect to happen? I’m really trying to wrap my head around this, but come on. None of it makes sense to me,” I confess, telling them the truth about the bonded situation.
“Again, it seems we made a mistake.” Grim dips his chin.
I knew they weren’t going to stick around. This bond bullshit is stupid, and I’m an idiot for halfway believing it. “I knew it.” I cross my arms over my chest to cover the ache from Grim’s words. “I’m not bonded to anyone.”
“Oh, yes you are,” Gunnar interjects.
“He just said you made a mistake,” I accuse, pointing at Grim.
“Not about that.” Calix pinches the bridge of his nose. “Whatever you were going to say, Death, spit it out.”
Grim sends Calix a glare, and his eyes even begin to glow a little with rivers of lava. I watch, fascinated. “I should have explained the situation to you better. I would like to do that now, if you will permit it?”
I turn just the slightest bit and study Grim. Of course, I want to hear what he has to say, but should I? Will it make it harder to send them away? Who am I kidding…I don’t want them to leave. Why am I so confused? “I doubt it will change anything.” I cross my arms over my chest defiantly.
“We are all linked to you, not just because we are your guardians, I felt it the moment you were born, and it has only become stronger. It was only our selfishness that wanted you to choose, but deep down I’ve always known it would never happen.”
Gunnar steps forward. “How?”
Grim turns to face the man questioning him. While Grim is an inch or two taller, Gunnar has a good forty pounds on him. “How have you felt for the past thirty years?” Grim questions, and Gunnar’s brow furrows. “Like you were missing something?” Grim prompts.
Gunnar shifts on his feet, not meeting Grim’s gaze. “You know what it’s been like,” he finally answers.
“Yet you would want that for Damiana?” Grim continues.
“What…no, she would have me,” Gunnar stumbles, having a hard time getting out the words.
“But what about me and Death?” Calix inserts. “She would still yearn for us.”
“How do you know?” Gunnar puffs out his chest. I’m watching all three of them with rapt attention.
“Because that’s what I feel for her. Why would what she feels for us be any different?” Grim reasons plainly, as if Gunnar should understand this by now. Then he turns to face me. “Are you afraid of us?”
I blow a raspberry with my lips. “Not like you’re thinking.” I regret the words the moment they come from my mouth, but I can’t take them back, so I try to backtrack. “I welcomed the monsters as my friends a long time ago. You guys just aren’t that scary.”
“I won’t ask you to choose. I just ask that you give me a chance,” Grim implores. Isn’t that almost exactly what Calix said? I feel like I’m the butt of some joke I don’t understand the punchline to.
“Why bother?” I ask slowly.
“Why bother what?” Calix eyes me.
“Any of this.” I wave my hand in their direction and look down my nose at them. “Is it just the competition of it all?”
Calix lifts his arms wide and shakes his head. “I can’t even fault you for thinking that. It’s not like any of us have behaved as a mate should.”
I open my mouth, but find I don’t have any words. I didn’t expect him to agree with me or validate my thoughts.
I look at the three of them standing before me. They couldn’t be more different. Calix is somewhat relaxed, with his hands loose by his sides. Grim is stoic, I would need a hammer and chisel to break past his hard exterior, and then there’s Gunnar. His arms are crossed over his puffed-out chest, and he’s separated himself from the others by space and with his attitude.
