Eleven minutes.
I gave him one extra minute, and I counted every one of them while standing at that railing, watching the Chicago River do its beautiful thing below me. When ten minutes became eleven, I picked up my clutch and went inside, found my dad, said good night, and called an Uber.
I’m not trying to punish Decker. I told him to go to Foster if that’s what he needs, but I’m not going to embarrass myself again. So many of the most embarrassing moments in my life were because of him. I’m not standing out front in a black dress at ten-fifteen making a point. I’m just done waiting for him to come back to me.
The Uber pulls up, and the doorman opens the back passenger door for me.
“Pen!”
It’s Decker’s voice, and I take note of the desperation in the way he says my name. I can’t deny that my body wants to turn around and run to him.
“Ma’am?” The doorman waves for me to get into the Uber.
I pull out a tip and hand it to him, sliding into the back seat. “Thank you.”
I make the mistake of looking out the window. The Uber driver honks at a party van that has stopped in front of him, trying to park. The doorman gets involved, and while everyone’s attention is on the commotion in front of us, I lock eyes with Decker, running out of the doors.
His jacket is open, his tie a little askew, and he looks as if he’s run through the entire venue.
Do not just lie down for him, Penelope.
“Pen.” His hand grabs the door handle, and I can’t react fast enough to lock it. He heaves for a breath. “Why are you leaving?”
The Uber driver continues to honk his horn.
“Because.” I have no words. I wouldn’t want to say them in front of all these people anyway.
“Let me come with you.” He doesn’t step in. He waits for me to decide.
Such a Decker thing to do.
“I can’t do this with you again just to end up?—”
“No, Pen. I just… I want us to start on the right foot, and in order to do that, I had to give Foster a heads-up. But now, all that bullshit is behind us, and we can start with a clean slate.”
“Hey, man, in or out?” the Uber driver asks now that the party bus has had no choice but to go around the block, after all his patrons have staggered to the bar on the corner.
Decker looks at me.
“You realize I make my money on how many rides I take?” the driver says.
“You can see me home.” I slide over, and Decker climbs in, shutting the door after him.
His big body takes up the majority of the back seat, but there’s still a little room between us. The problem is that space feels like live barbed wire.
The Uber driver pulls away from the corner, and I stare at the busy street. All the couples with linked hands walking down the sidewalk pull that feeling out of me of how I want that so badly. But not with just anyone. Sure, Elias was nice, but if I’m being truly honest with myself, it’s Decker I want. And if I can’t have it with him, I don’t want it at all.
“Foster said go.” Decker’s voice is soft. “He doesn’t care.”
I fidget with my hands in my lap.
“Pen?”
“I heard you.”
“I need you to know something.” He turns in the seat to face me. “It’s always been you. Since I was eleven, I think I knew on a subconscious level that you were meant for me… and I fucked it all up, wasted our time. First because your dad was my coach, and then we got close. Like, really fucking close and you were my person, Pen. The one I told everything. When I went to Kingsley, it killed me to say goodbye to you, but…”
Tears well in my eyes. I don’t want to do this in front of an Uber driver, but I’ve also waited so long for him to tell me all this.
