“I was leaving, and I didn’t want to do that to you. I knew the time I’d have with you would be limited, and you deserved better, even if it was without me. Who would have thought your dad would get a coaching job at Hartwell and in just one year you’d be so close to me again? Had I known, I never would have…”
He doesn’t say her name, and I’d rather not hear it anyway.
“That night you walked out with Foster, it nearly killed me.”
I put my hand over his mouth. “I don’t want to rehash it.”
He gently takes my hand and lowers it between us, keeping it clasped in his. “I don’t either. I want all that behind us. I don’t care why you never came back to the hotel three years ago after we reconnected.”
“Oh… um…”
“No, I don’t care. I just want to be with you. Every girlfriend I had. Every rule I made. Every time I wouldn’t cross that imaginary line.” His voice is steady, but something underneath it isn’t. “It was always because of you. Because the alternative was wanting something I was convinced I wasn’t allowed to have.”
The Uber moves through the city. The driver says nothing, pretending he’s minding his own business.
I look at Decker for a long moment. Twenty years of baggage we’re trying to sort through in the back seat of an Uber. All the versions of us that almost happened but never did.
“I’m really scared.”
He looks down at our hands, lacing his fingers through mine, and doesn’t let go. “I know, and I promise you, I’m never going anywhere unless you want me to. I want to be with both of you, but I understand you might not want that. That building your trust that I’m not going anywhere takes time. We can do this however you want. I can go home tonight and maybe we plan a date. Go slow. Whatever pace you feel comfortable with.”
We pull up along the curb outside my house, and since I live on a one-way street, my door is along the curb. I release his hand, as much as it pains me to do it. I thank the Uber driver, open my door, and step onto the sidewalk.
Decker says something to the driver about where to go next, but I never shut the door, leaving it open as I walk to the front steps of my house.
“Buddy, she’s inviting you in,” I hear the Uber driver say.
I glance over my shoulder, and Decker’s staring at me. I smile and shake my head, reaching my front door.
Decker tosses some money at the Uber driver and gets out of the car. “You are inviting me, right?”
I don’t look back, setting my clutch on the entry table and slipping out of my heels. I hear the door close softly behind me and his footsteps on the hardwood, then his hand is on my waist, turning me around.
He looks at me in the dark entry the way he looked at me on the balcony. With more sureness than I’ve ever seen.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi.”
Chapter
Thirty-Nine
Penelope
* * *
Decker brings his hand to my face, his thumb dragging slowly across my cheekbone, and since there’s no one around, this time there’re no interruptions, no reason to rush. Thank God Leighton’s mom and aunt agreed to keep Hazel overnight with the other three kids.
He kisses me.
It’s not tentative. And definitely not careful.
He takes my mouth as though he’s done waiting, and I feel it everywhere at once—the pull of his hand in my hair, the hard press of his body crowding me back against the wall, the cool plaster at my spine, and the heat of him along every inch of me. I catch his lapels in both fists and drag him closer because I don’t want even an inch of space between us. I’ve waited too long for this.
“God, Pen,” he says against my mouth, the words rough and unsteady. “You have no idea.”
“Tell me,” I whisper, already breathless, wanting to hear that he’s been thinking about this moment as much as I have.
