While he doesn’t have to look at me.
He wanted to take Daryl’s hand, let him know that he wasn’t alone in this, but he kept his by his sides.
“My mum and dad were married, but not bonded,” Daryl began, and immediately Jason’s stomach dropped, having a good idea where this was heading. “They were in love, happy. Then the fucking pack wars started. They joined the fight, in different units though, thinking that if something happened to their unit they didn’t want to orphan me in one go. Despite the fact I was in my twenties already.” Daryl’s smile was bittersweet. “She’s a worrier, always has been.” He sighed and glanced up at the sky through the trees. “I’m not sure how much you were involved in the wars?”
“Only near the end. I didn’t see much action.” He’d only been nineteen when they started. “But I saw enough of the aftermath to know how bad things got.”
“The members of a unit are close anyway, but in a war like that, especially so. The fear of losing one of your team amplifies the need to protect each other, to have each other’s backs.” Another sigh.
“She said she didn’t realise it was happening until the potential bond had already triggered. She loved my dad, still loves him, but her instincts didn’t give a shit about that. She formed close bonds with her unit—as you’d expect—and combined with the stress of war and the heightened emotions of shifting so much, her wolf discovered a more compatible mate and her body took over.”
“What happened then?” Jason was almost afraid to ask.
“She told my dad.” He shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping. “He understood, of course he did.
Offered to step aside, told her she could take this chance at having a bond if she wanted, that he wouldn’t stand in her way or hate her for it. Because he loved her too much to see her suffer the pain of an unrequited bond and to take that chance away from her.”
“Fuck,” Jason muttered, without realising.
“Yeah. It was fucking awful to watch.” They walked the next few steps in silence as Daryl stared at the ground, jaw clenched. “Anyway, she refused, said she loved my dad and that was all she needed. She swapped units, broke off all contact with her potential mate, and after a few weeks the bond showed signs of fading. But the damage had been done. She felt guilty for it happening in the first place, like she should have stopped it before things got that far, and he felt guilty for keeping her from what nearly all shifters want in life. Their relationship wasn’t the same.
“A week or so later both my dad and my mum’s potential mate died in the same fight. I heard a rumour that my dad died trying to save him, but I never found out for sure.” He sniffed loudly, and Jason knew if he turned Daryl around right then, he’d find tears in his eyes. “She never remarried, and she’s never even looked to meet anyone else. She said it was no one’s fault, just fate playing them a cruel hand, but I think even after all these years, she still blames herself.” He looked up at the sky again and blew out a breath. When he glanced over at Jason, his eyes were wet. “So as far as I’m concerned, bonds are fucking awful and I never want anything to do with one. I hate the way we have no control over it. Hate the way instinct just kicks in and ruins your life as though nothing you’ve done before then matters.”
Jason wanted to argue, wanted to point out how happy Mark and Alec were, or Rachel and Sara.
Daryl must have seen it on his face. “I know the others are happy together, and I wouldn’t begrudge any of them. But have you ever stopped to think what might have happened if Mia hadn’t been killed in the pack wars? If something had happened to trigger Cam and Gareth’s potential bond while Cam was still married? How something like that could’ve torn the pack apart?”
Jason did reach for his hand then. “Daryl.” He kept his voice low, trying not to piss him off.
“What happened with your parents was tragic, and I’m so sorry, but you’ve got to know how rare that is. I’ve read a lot of literature about bonds—far too much to be healthy some would say—and this is the first time I’ve ever heard of that happening. When you’re in love, content, so is your wolf and—”
“Are you saying she asked for it to happen?” he hissed, snatching his hand away. “That my mother wanted it?”
“No!Fuckno.” Jason raised his hands in supplication. “I’m saying those were exceptional circumstances. Seeing someone you care about—even as friends—being attacked and at risk on a daily basis has got to put a strain on anyone’s feelings. Emotions would have been all over the place, raw and open.” Daryl was glaring at him, but Jason stood his ground. “I’m not trying to persuade you to bond with me, Daryl. I wouldn’t. But a bond isn’t the monster you’re making it out to be.”
“If you’d seen what it did to them, you’d understand.”
“I do—”
“No!” Daryl shook his head and stepped back. “She wasbroken. They both were. The guy it happened with was friends with both of them before that, and I kept thinking, what if he tried to get himself killed on purpose? And then what if my dad died trying to save him? They both died all because of a fucking bond.” He spat the words.
Jason had so many things to say to that, but now wasn’t the time. Not with Daryl in such a state.
“I’m sorry,” Daryl said eventually, turning to look Jason in the eye. “The thought of being bonded to anyone—” He broke off and reached up to touch Jason’s jaw. “Even you. It makes me sick to my stomach and hurts here.” He pressed a fist over his heart.
Jason bit his tongue not to shout out, “That’s because you’re fighting it so strongly. It would allgo away if we bonded. All of it.”
“Let’s get back to the lodge,” he said instead. “We have some things to sort out before Alpha Cornell returns.” He set off on the path again, aware that Daryl hadn’t moved.
After a few moments, he heard footsteps behind him. “That’s it?”
Jason glanced over his shoulder at him. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not going to say anything to get me to change my mind?”
“Would it work if I did?”
Daryl gave a short, sharp shake of his head. “No.”
